The Black Hole (1979), a recap (part 6)
A note from the author: Hi! I’m acclaimed author and wanted felon, Jordon Davis. You may know me from the fact that I wrote part five of this recap in January. It is now June. What was I doing during…
Author: Jordon Davis
The Black Hole (1979), a recap (part 5)
Previously: 2019 ended and 2020 started, pretty much on time. Disney+ added the live-action remake of Aladdin, possibly the least necessary film ever made. Oh, you mean in this movie? Captain Holland has concluded that Dr. Reinhardt is probably…
The Black Hole (1979), a recap (part 4)
Previously: The crew of the damaged Palomino met the definitely not crazy commander of the legendarily lost starship Cygnus. He’s got a crew of robots running the place led by the definitely not robot murderer of the original human crew,…
The Black Hole (1979), a recap (part 3)
Previously: The small crew of the USS Palomino was surprised to find the very large and very lost USS Cygnus on the edge of a black hole. They were forced to dock and explore the ship for reasons. Those reasons…
The Black Hole (1979), a recap (part 2)
Previously: Nothing. Nothing happened. The small exploratory starship USS Palomino found the long-missing big exploratory starship USS Cygnus near a black hole. That’s it. You are all caught up. Also, I misidentified long-time character actor Robert Forster as “Robert Forester”…
The Black Hole (1979), a recap (part 1)
Loyal readers may have noticed that I don’t write much. That’s because what I do write is indisputably genius. But why would a genius such as me (or Charles Babbage, or Sir George Stokes, or Isaac Newton, or any of…
Top 5 insane nerd arguments (settled by governments)
Nerds. They kick ass. Also, in that one movie, they committed a disturbingly high number of sex crimes. But above all, they like to argue with each other. They absolutely love it. They love it the way Robert Carradine and…
Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 8 of 8)
Previously: I offered my 13 year-old son $50 to watch this movie on the theory that, if it was made for anybody, it was made for him. He turned it off after six minutes. Also, there’s a big chase between…
Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 7 of 8)
Previously: Teenager Limus has fallen in love with a robot. She’s had her memory erased by the evil Senator Biter. Now he’s got her, and Limus is alone. It’s worse than it sounds. You know that feeling you get when…
Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 6 of 8)
Previously: I advised men not to place their penises into fruit that’s been heated to 38 degrees above boiling, and someone in the comments section objected to it. Also, a sexbot is being chased by a United States Senator and…
Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 5 of 8)
Previously: Senator Biter ordered a sexbot, but now she’s in the hands of two teenage boys. They’ve got her stashed in a motel for the night and this is… part 5? Seriously? I have got to get my life together.…
Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 4 of 8)
Previously: Vaguely successful fashion model Cynthia Kirchner thought she got her big acting break when asked to star in a teen sex comedy, but it doesn’t seem to be working out the way she’d hoped.
Limus needs a place to…
Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 3 of 8)
Previously: The Polish brothers got their hands on some filmmaking equipment again. Now two teenagers are face-to-face with a naked robot. And the robot says...
Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 2 of 8)
Previously: These are the times that try men’s souls. Look on this picture and weep over it! And if there yet remains one thoughtless wretch who believes it not, let him suffer it unlamented. —Thomas Paine (probably)
The Hot…
Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 1 of 8)
Synopsis: Imagine the dumbest idea you’ve ever had in the stupidest dream of your entire life, and then imagine a community center for at-risk 7th graders making a film about it. You have now imagined a better movie than Hot …
Superheroes, ranked (by singing ability)
Superheroes: they’re great. But which one is the best? Is it Captain Marvel, the mightiest Avenger? Or maybe Lady Sif, the character that they took a great deal of time to establish and then just abandoned completely in favor of…
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 8 of 8)
Previously: Who cares? The movie’s almost over!
Indiana Jones has made it to the inner sanctum. His ex and his son have sort of helped. His old friend, Harold Oxley, found and deciphered the riddles of the crystal skull. A…
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 7 of 8)
Previously: There was a big chase scene wherein nothing anybody did had any causal relationship with anything that came before.
Anyway, our five heroes are sailing to an ancient alien city in a jeep. The adventurers get about thirty seconds…
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 6 of 8)
Previously: Indiana Jones, Marion from the first movie, their son, a crystal skull, John Hurt, aliens, Russians, the Amazon, RPGs, and an amphibious jeep.
Indy, Marion and Mutt all bail out of their truck into a WWII-era Ford GPA. It’s…
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 5 of 8)
Previously: Dr. Spalko forced Indy to look at an alien skull, and this freaked him out a little bit. She threatened Jones, which he laughed at. So she threatened Mutt, which Mutt laughed at. So she brought out Marion Ravenwood.…
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