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Author: Jordon Davis

· by Jordon Davis · Nov 12, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 6)

Previously: I advised men not to place their penises into fruit that’s been heated to 38 degrees above boiling, and someone in the comments section objected to it. Also, a sexbot is being chased by a United States Senator and…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 30, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 5)

Previously: Senator Biter ordered a sexbot, but now she’s in the hands of two teenage boys. They’ve got her stashed in a motel for the night and this is… part 5? Seriously? I have got to get my life together.…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 25, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 4)

Previously: Vaguely successful fashion model Cynthia Kirchner thought she got her big acting break when asked to star in a teen sex comedy, but it doesn’t seem to be working out the way she’d hoped. Limus needs a place to…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 17, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 3)

Previously: The Polish brothers got their hands on some filmmaking equipment again. Now two teenagers are face-to-face with a naked robot. And the robot says...

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 10, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 2)

Previously: These are the times that try men’s souls. Look on this picture and weep over it! And if there yet remains one thoughtless wretch who believes it not, let him suffer it unlamented. —Thomas Paine (probably) The Hot…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 1, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 1)

Synopsis: Imagine the dumbest idea you’ve ever had in the stupidest dream of your entire life, and then imagine a community center for at-risk 7th graders making a film about it. You have now imagined a better movie than Hot …

Agonizer / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jul 11, 2018

Superheroes, ranked (by singing ability)

Superheroes: they’re great. But which one is the best? Is it Captain Marvel, the mightiest Avenger? Or maybe Lady Sif, the character that they took a great deal of time to establish and then just abandoned completely in favor of…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Feb 12, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 8 of 8)

Previously: Who cares? The movie’s almost over! Indiana Jones has made it to the inner sanctum. His ex and his son have sort of helped. His old friend, Harold Oxley, found and deciphered the riddles of the crystal skull. A…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Feb 1, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 7 of 8)

Previously: There was a big chase scene wherein nothing anybody did had any causal relationship with anything that came before. Anyway, our five heroes are sailing to an ancient alien city in a jeep. The adventurers get about thirty seconds…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jan 24, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 6 of 8)

Previously: Indiana Jones, Marion from the first movie, their son, a crystal skull, John Hurt, aliens, Russians, the Amazon, RPGs, and an amphibious jeep. Indy, Marion and Mutt all bail out of their truck into a WWII-era Ford GPA. It’s…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jan 15, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 5 of 8)

Previously: Dr. Spalko forced Indy to look at an alien skull, and this freaked him out a little bit. She threatened Jones, which he laughed at. So she threatened Mutt, which Mutt laughed at. So she brought out Marion Ravenwood.…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jan 4, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 4 of 8)

Previously: Indiana killed a native, but he was standing in the way of the plot, so it’s okay. Indy and Mutt wander through your typical Raiders-type set. There’s lots of dust and cobwebs and skeletons and stuff. They come…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Dec 26, 2017

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 3 of 8)

Previously: Indiana Jones had a great trilogy that wrapped up perfectly. And then they made this. Harrison Ford and Shia LaBeouf are pretending to eat at a diner. Shia introduces himself as Mutt, which Indy thinks is a stupid name,…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Dec 18, 2017

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 2 of 8)

Previously on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Nobody nuked a fridge. And that’s the best that can be said about that. Indiana is walking through the Nevada hills after his jet/monorail/made-up-thing ride. He spots a…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Dec 11, 2017

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 1 of 8)

SUMMARY: Seventeen years after his last adventure, with his heroism in World War II long forgotten, Indiana Jones dusts off his fedora to save the world from the Soviets, discover the hidden truths of the past, awkwardly face his ex-girlfriend,…

Agonizer / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Nov 29, 2017

Superheroes, ranked (in order of Jewish-ness)

This Halloween, more children than ever dressed up as their favorite superheroes, according to a statistic I just made up. It makes sense for children to aspire to be powerful, respected bats and metal drunks. But my family is Jewish,…

Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Aug 10, 2017

Summer 2017: Terrible websites react

There have been some pretty great movies this summer. The Marvel offerings were not only lots of fun but well-constructed. (Except, why did Kurt Russell’s brain actually look like a biologically human brain? About 25% of my waking thoughts are…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jun 19, 2017

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 6 of 6)

Previously on Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever: Who cares? The movie’s almost over! Ecks, finally reunited with Vinn and his surprise son Michael, locks them in an elevator and sends them to the top of Sever’s very strange lair. Sever…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jun 12, 2017

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 5 of 6)

Previously on Ballistic: Ecks v. Sever: Benjamin Bratt’s wife did her eyebrows, and Lucy Liu gave Antonio Banderas a note. So Sever gets a note with a number and street. I was going to complain that the address doesn’t…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jun 5, 2017

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 4 of 6)

Previously on Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever: Lucy Liu’s character got both a name and a motivation. It’s just like improv class. Ecks, still googling Sever on his laptop, finds video of a house being blown up by a drone.…

Author: Jordon Davis

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 6)

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 5)

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 4)

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 3)

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 2)

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 1)

Superheroes, ranked (by singing ability)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 8 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 7 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 6 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 5 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 4 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 3 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 2 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 1 of 8)

Superheroes, ranked (in order of Jewish-ness)

Summer 2017: Terrible websites react

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 6 of 6)

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 5 of 6)

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 4 of 6)

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