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Author: Jordon Davis

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jan 14, 2020

The Black Hole (1979), a recap (part 5)

Previously: 2019 ended and 2020 started, pretty much on time. Disney+ added the live-action remake of Aladdin, possibly the least necessary film ever made. Oh, you mean in this movie? Captain Holland has concluded that Dr. Reinhardt is probably…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Dec 23, 2019

The Black Hole (1979), a recap (part 4)

Previously: The crew of the damaged Palomino met the definitely not crazy commander of the legendarily lost starship Cygnus. He’s got a crew of robots running the place led by the definitely not robot murderer of the original human crew,…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Dec 11, 2019

The Black Hole (1979), a recap (part 3)

Previously: The small crew of the USS Palomino was surprised to find the very large and very lost USS Cygnus on the edge of a black hole. They were forced to dock and explore the ship for reasons. Those reasons…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Dec 3, 2019

The Black Hole (1979), a recap (part 2)

Previously: Nothing. Nothing happened. The small exploratory starship USS Palomino found the long-missing big exploratory starship USS Cygnus near a black hole. That’s it. You are all caught up. Also, I misidentified long-time character actor Robert Forster as “Robert Forester”…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Nov 22, 2019

The Black Hole (1979), a recap (part 1)

Loyal readers may have noticed that I don’t write much. That’s because what I do write is indisputably genius. But why would a genius such as me (or Charles Babbage, or Sir George Stokes, or Isaac Newton, or any of…

Agonizer / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Feb 26, 2019

Top 5 insane nerd arguments (settled by governments)

Nerds. They kick ass. Also, in that one movie, they committed a disturbingly high number of sex crimes. But above all, they like to argue with each other. They absolutely love it. They love it the way Robert Carradine and…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Nov 27, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 8 of 8)

Previously: I offered my 13 year-old son $50 to watch this movie on the theory that, if it was made for anybody, it was made for him. He turned it off after six minutes. Also, there’s a big chase between…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Nov 20, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 7 of 8)

Previously: Teenager Limus has fallen in love with a robot. She’s had her memory erased by the evil Senator Biter. Now he’s got her, and Limus is alone. It’s worse than it sounds. You know that feeling you get when…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Nov 12, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 6 of 8)

Previously: I advised men not to place their penises into fruit that’s been heated to 38 degrees above boiling, and someone in the comments section objected to it. Also, a sexbot is being chased by a United States Senator and…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 30, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 5 of 8)

Previously: Senator Biter ordered a sexbot, but now she’s in the hands of two teenage boys. They’ve got her stashed in a motel for the night and this is… part 5? Seriously? I have got to get my life together.…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 25, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 4 of 8)

Previously: Vaguely successful fashion model Cynthia Kirchner thought she got her big acting break when asked to star in a teen sex comedy, but it doesn’t seem to be working out the way she’d hoped. Limus needs a place to…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 17, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 3 of 8)

Previously: The Polish brothers got their hands on some filmmaking equipment again. Now two teenagers are face-to-face with a naked robot. And the robot says...

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 10, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 2 of 8)

Previously: These are the times that try men’s souls. Look on this picture and weep over it! And if there yet remains one thoughtless wretch who believes it not, let him suffer it unlamented. —Thomas Paine (probably) The Hot…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 1, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 1 of 8)

Synopsis: Imagine the dumbest idea you’ve ever had in the stupidest dream of your entire life, and then imagine a community center for at-risk 7th graders making a film about it. You have now imagined a better movie than Hot …

Agonizer / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jul 11, 2018

Superheroes, ranked (by singing ability)

Superheroes: they’re great. But which one is the best? Is it Captain Marvel, the mightiest Avenger? Or maybe Lady Sif, the character that they took a great deal of time to establish and then just abandoned completely in favor of…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Feb 12, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 8 of 8)

Previously: Who cares? The movie’s almost over! Indiana Jones has made it to the inner sanctum. His ex and his son have sort of helped. His old friend, Harold Oxley, found and deciphered the riddles of the crystal skull. A…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Feb 1, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 7 of 8)

Previously: There was a big chase scene wherein nothing anybody did had any causal relationship with anything that came before. Anyway, our five heroes are sailing to an ancient alien city in a jeep. The adventurers get about thirty seconds…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jan 24, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 6 of 8)

Previously: Indiana Jones, Marion from the first movie, their son, a crystal skull, John Hurt, aliens, Russians, the Amazon, RPGs, and an amphibious jeep. Indy, Marion and Mutt all bail out of their truck into a WWII-era Ford GPA. It’s…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jan 15, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 5 of 8)

Previously: Dr. Spalko forced Indy to look at an alien skull, and this freaked him out a little bit. She threatened Jones, which he laughed at. So she threatened Mutt, which Mutt laughed at. So she brought out Marion Ravenwood.…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jan 4, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 4 of 8)

Previously: Indiana killed a native, but he was standing in the way of the plot, so it’s okay. Indy and Mutt wander through your typical Raiders-type set. There’s lots of dust and cobwebs and skeletons and stuff. They come…