Author: Jordon Davis

· by Jordon Davis · Jul 11, 2018

Superheroes, ranked (by singing ability)

Superheroes: they’re great. But which one is the best? Is it Captain Marvel, the mightiest Avenger? Or maybe Lady Sif, the character that they took a great deal of time to establish and then just abandoned completely in favor of…

· by Jordon Davis · Feb 12, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 8 of 8)

Previously: Who cares? The movie’s almost over! Indiana Jones has made it to the inner sanctum. His ex and his son have sort of helped. His old friend, Harold Oxley, found and deciphered the riddles of the crystal skull. A…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Feb 1, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 7 of 8)

Previously: There was a big chase scene wherein nothing anybody did had any causal relationship with anything that came before. Anyway, our five heroes are sailing to an ancient alien city in a jeep. The adventurers get about thirty seconds…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jan 24, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 6 of 8)

Previously: Indiana Jones, Marion from the first movie, their son, a crystal skull, John Hurt, aliens, Russians, the Amazon, RPGs, and an amphibious jeep. Indy, Marion and Mutt all bail out of their truck into a WWII-era Ford GPA. It’s…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jan 15, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 5 of 8)

Previously: Dr. Spalko forced Indy to look at an alien skull, and this freaked him out a little bit. She threatened Jones, which he laughed at. So she threatened Mutt, which Mutt laughed at. So she brought out Marion Ravenwood.…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jan 4, 2018

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 4 of 8)

Previously: Indiana killed a native, but he was standing in the way of the plot, so it’s okay. Indy and Mutt wander through your typical Raiders-type set. There’s lots of dust and cobwebs and skeletons and stuff. They come…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Dec 26, 2017

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 3 of 8)

Previously: Indiana Jones had a great trilogy that wrapped up perfectly. And then they made this. Harrison Ford and Shia LaBeouf are pretending to eat at a diner. Shia introduces himself as Mutt, which Indy thinks is a stupid name,…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Dec 18, 2017

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 2 of 8)

Previously on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Nobody nuked a fridge. And that’s the best that can be said about that. Indiana is walking through the Nevada hills after his jet/monorail/made-up-thing ride. He spots a…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Dec 11, 2017

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 1 of 8)

SUMMARY: Seventeen years after his last adventure, with his heroism in World War II long forgotten, Indiana Jones dusts off his fedora to save the world from the Soviets, discover the hidden truths of the past, awkwardly face his ex-girlfriend,…

Agonizer / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Nov 29, 2017

Superheroes, ranked (in order of Jewish-ness)

This Halloween, more children than ever dressed up as their favorite superheroes, according to a statistic I just made up. It makes sense for children to aspire to be powerful, respected bats and metal drunks. But my family is Jewish,…

Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Aug 10, 2017

Summer 2017: Terrible websites react

There have been some pretty great movies this summer. The Marvel offerings were not only lots of fun but well-constructed. (Except, why did Kurt Russell’s brain actually look like a biologically human brain? About 25% of my waking thoughts are…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jun 19, 2017

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 6 of 6)

Previously on Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever: Who cares? The movie’s almost over! Ecks, finally reunited with Vinn and his surprise son Michael, locks them in an elevator and sends them to the top of Sever’s very strange lair. Sever…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jun 12, 2017

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 5 of 6)

Previously on Ballistic: Ecks v. Sever: Benjamin Bratt’s wife did her eyebrows, and Lucy Liu gave Antonio Banderas a note. So Sever gets a note with a number and street. I was going to complain that the address doesn’t…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Jun 5, 2017

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 4 of 6)

Previously on Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever: Lucy Liu’s character got both a name and a motivation. It’s just like improv class. Ecks, still googling Sever on his laptop, finds video of a house being blown up by a drone.…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · May 29, 2017

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 3 of 6)

Previously on Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever: A “studio” brought a guy who made one film over from Thailand to helm a Hollywood action movie. And that’s going about as well as could be expected. Ecks, learning that Sever knows…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · May 22, 2017

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 2 of 6)

Previously on Ballistic: Ecks v. Sever: Lucy Liu destroyed some innocent cars and I destroyed a serious relationship. Since Lucy Liu just… saved? …re-kidnapped? …your-guess-here? …a six year-old boy, I would expect the movie to tell us more about…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · May 16, 2017

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 1 of 6)

It was recently argued that nobody would read a detailed recap of a movie when they could just as easily pull it up on streaming and watch it themselves. To that, I say, “Challenge accepted!” What if the movie were…

Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · May 9, 2017

How to survive a summer blockbuster

Summer is here and with it comes sun and laughter, unless you have that rare sun allergy and you’re kind of depressed about it. But also movies! Summer is traditionally the time for the biggest, eventiest event movies the studios…

Movie Review / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · May 1, 2017

Everything you need to know about law school (is in Legally Blonde)

!!!!! Omigod! Omigod, you guys !!!!! Look at you. You’re pathetic. You’re one month from graduating college and your biggest achievement was making a bong out of half a grapefruit and two crazy straws. What are you going to do…

Movie Review / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Apr 25, 2017

5 life lessons from the movie Monster Trucks

Where does your mind go when you think about the movie Monster Trucks? Are you fascinated by a stellar cast signing up for what was essentially a Nickelodeon TV movie? Are you amazed that Adam Goodman, president of Paramount,…

Author: Jordon Davis

Superheroes, ranked (by singing ability)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 8 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 7 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 6 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 5 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 4 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 3 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 2 of 8)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), a recap (part 1 of 8)

Superheroes, ranked (in order of Jewish-ness)

Summer 2017: Terrible websites react

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 6 of 6)

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 5 of 6)

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 4 of 6)

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 3 of 6)

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 2 of 6)

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002): a recap (part 1 of 6)

How to survive a summer blockbuster

Everything you need to know about law school (is in Legally Blonde)

5 life lessons from the movie Monster Trucks

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