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It's the bizarre cult classic The Apple, a gay sci-fi biblical musical allegory directed by the future producer of Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. It's the far-flung year of 1994, where society is ruled by a fascist, totalitarian record label called BIM, and the only ones who can liberate humanity are two virginal folk singers from Canada.
Any description we put here is going to be overshadowed by the fact that this movie has a classically trained actor playing a one-legged cyborg with an electric penis.
With Silent Hill: Revelation 3D currently in theaters, Cecil takes a look back at the first film, and explains in great detail why it's one of his all-time favorites.
A look at the sci-fi horror comedy that oozes '80s goodness.
Melting Astronauts! Bad detective work! Crackers!
Endless Descent, also known as The Rift, is a sci-fi horror film knockoff of movies like The Abyss and Leviathan. It's from J.P. Simon, the notorious director of Pieces... who else?
A group of the oldest college kids you've ever seen (including '80s scream queens Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle Bauer) break into a bowling alley to steal a trophy. Little do they know that the trophy is the home of a wisecracking imp who spends the rest of the night trying to kill them.
Here's Cecil's take on Judge Dredd, the 1995 movie adapted from a British comic, starring Sylvester Stallone, Armand Assante, Rob Schneider, and Diane Lane.
In some ways, this movie could be classified as a Women in Prison revenge movie... except, there's very little prison... and not too much revenge!
In what must surely be the greatest film ever about BMX racing, Cru Jones is a young biker who dreams of winning a race at the infamous Helltrack. Along the way, he earns the scorn of his mom Talia Shire, does freestyle bike stunt dancing with Lori Loughlin, and gets to do all the ass-sliding a boy could ever want.
In the distant future of 1996, a biker named Harley Davidson (Mickey Rourke) and a cowboy named the Marlboro Man (Don Johnson) team up to rob a bank's armored car, but instead end up with a huge stash of a designer drug called "Crystal Dream". Now they're on the run from a corrupt, criminal, murderous bank CEO, also known as "a bank CEO".
Fatal Games, AKA Olympic Horror, made to cash in on the 1984 Summer Olympics, features a killer who puts an end to the dreams of a bunch of Olympic hopefuls using his weapon of choice, a javelin.
The movie is filled with over the top acting, silly dialogue, CGI dragon battles, and Marlon Wayans. It's often considered one of the worst movies ever made, but Cecil thinks it's nothing but awesome.
Nicolas Cage famously goes apeshit in 2006's The Wicker Man, the godawful remake of the 1973 horror classic. Cage is a cop who travels to Summersisle, an island with a matriarchal society that worships bees. He investigates the disappearance of his ex-girlfriend's daughter, and somehow ends up wearing a bear suit and punching women out.
Cecil reviews another of his favorite post-apocalyptic flicks, a cheesy Franco-Italian cash-in on Escape from New York. After a nuclear war, the entire human race is rendered sterile. It's up to a mercenary named Parsifal (not a typo) to infiltrate the ruins of New York City and find the last fertile woman on earth.
The Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) is on a remote planet trying to woo an alien princess and become king, but a less-than-elite team of space marines arrives to stop him. With plenty of homages to Alien and Aliens, this movie is ridiculously over the top, but what were you expecting from the title?
After a centuries-long war between humans and vampires, the Church has assumed total control of humanity, with "priests" that are actually elite vampire slayers. Paul Bettany is a veteran priest living an unassuming life, but when vampires kidnap his niece (Lily Collins), he goes to hunt them down, bringing along Karl Urban, Cam Gigandet, and plenty of cool weapons.
A fun summer blockbuster with lots of action and tons of explosions that even has a good story! What more do you want?
From the director of Snakes on a Plane, this movie follows a group of college kids (including Sara Paxton and Katharine McPhee, who fortunately spend most of the move in bikinis, but unfortunately never less than that, because this movie is PG-13) as they go on the perfect vacation, only to find out they're being fed to sharks by a group of rednecks intent on making awesome internet videos!
Based on the video game of the same name, it's a film with a risky concept: Gather four hot women (Holly Valance, Devon Aoki, Sarah Carter, Jaime Pressly), put them in as little clothes as possible, and have them fight each other! Luckily for Cecil, the concept works, making for one of the best video game adaptations ever.