Armageddon (1998) (part 6 of 13)

Col. Willie Sharp (heh, heh) explains he’s been assigned to teach the Wrong Stuff how to deal with the mental and physical rigors of working in outer space. Thankfully, we don’t have to see any of that. Instead, Col. Willie Sharp (heh, heh) asks if there are any intelligent questions, and Chick calls out, “What’s an X-71?”

Truman, in an “I’m a huge guy” shot tells the crew, “You’re the first civilians to ever see her!” Aren’t they special? They walk into a hangar and stare up at the X-71, which is basically just the Michael Bay version of the Space Shuttle. Truman spits out some technical specs and jargon about the X-71 too fast for me to decipher or care about.

He says the X-71’s were a joint venture between the Air Force and NASA and the two ships are named Freedom and Independence. (If you think that’s sledgehammer subtlety, wait until we get to the part of the movie where there’s an American flag in every other shot.) Truman then introduces them to the professional astronauts who will be accompanying them on their mission.

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Amanda Wells

If I was a bad movie, I'd find it much easier to write about myself than I do at present. My main interests outside of really bad movies is playing music. I've played guitar for 15 years, performed before far more people than I'm really comfortable with and am currently having fun listening to my 5 year old son bang away on his new starter drum set. Yes, drummers are so hard to find, I had to resort to making my own. When not playing music, I also like to work in my yard and many gardens, try new recipes (never would have thought that would happen), research my genealogy (I get to be related to the beheaded king and queen of France!) and read history books primarily about natural disasters and personal tales. And when I'm not doing any of that, then I'm spending time with my great family. The first movie I remember going to the theater to see was The Black Stallion which we were late to the beginning of and as we were waiting for it to begin again and rewatch it (is that even legal?) we got dragged away by my dad and sister who insisted we come watch Airplane! with them in the other theater. Oh, and I cried so hard at the end of Oh, Heavenly Dog! that my sister had to call my mom to come pick me up. As a kid, I never had a Big Wheel. I still want one.

Multi-Part Article: Armageddon (1998)

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  • Daniel B

    “They set us up the bomb!”

    Sigh. Nobody ever quotes this part of Zero Wing right. It’s “set up us the bomb.”

    “Yankees win!” was a hilarious caption. I love how nobody making the film realized how meaningless a few bombs and a few feet of digging matter to something the size of Texas. It’s like saying that nuking Austin would blow the whole state apart if the bombs were underground.

    • that guy

      I think its funny how people like to make assumptions about physics when they A: Don’t have any formal education about physics beyond their own life experiences, and B: Have absolutely no knowledge about geological composition. Do some learnin’ before you go openin’ that pie hole.

  • Daniel B

    >> “The Bible calls this day Armageddon. The end of all things.” Because Christianity is the only religion that really matters, right?

    Fail in two parts. To the writer of this article for a conclusion that doesn’t follow, and to the writer of the dialogue because Armageddon isn’t the name of a day, it’s the name of a hill in Israel.

  • Daniel B

    “Whatever happened to the nuke on the other shuttle? Shouldn’t that have exploded or something when the ship crashed? Even if it wasn’t armed, aren’t those warheads sorta… volatile?”

    Nope. They are designed so that they don’t cause nuclear explosions when not armed. The bomb’s explosion comes from energy the atoms within an (ordinary, non-explosive) substance splitting apart. If that doesn’t happen – and it can’t happen before they are armed – there’s no kaboom.

  • Daniel B

    I really need to wait until I read the whole review so I can just comment once. But The Core is worse than Armaggedon. It was worse than any reasonably-mainstream (ie not some $500 D-movie) movie every except for maybe Star Wars I and Star Trek V.

  • John – McDonald, PA

    Perhaps my wife and I both have bad test or something, but I liked it more than my wife, it’s one of my favorites actually and my wife thought it was pretty good.

    • Amber Eowyn Evenstar

      I did, too. Whatever. Their opinion is exactly that. Theirs.

  • Trinneergirl

    I’m told that 2012 alsmost made it to the bar of scientific fail that is Armageddon, but as I haven’t seen it, I couldn’t tell you if it’s true. If it is, *shudder*.

  • Tom

    Whilst on a plane to Argentina I had the misfortune to encounter what I assume was a scifi channel original movie in the same vein as this entitled “impact” and well I still enjoyed it more than this film (Mostly due to the whole row I was in riffing on it) in spite of it being described as “[receiving] little comment from the scientific community due to its lack of realism, incorrect use of terminology, and basic misunderstanding of the law of gravity, as we currently understand it”

  • Scary General

    Hey I liked that movie but the recap made me ROTFL :D

  • drdvdplayerhandbook

    You know, I’ve watched this movie a number of times (I like to re-watch bad movies once in a while, OK?  It keeps me from overly insulting mediocre movies by calling them “bad”), but if it wasn’t for this recap, I would still be puzzled at the part in which AJ gives Truman the mission patch.  I kept thinking “What’s this all about?”, because I could never remember the part in which Truman tells Harry about wanting a patch.

    This is, of course, due to the fact that the dialogue in this movie is delivered so hurriedly and it’s so unmemorable that it’s pretty much impossible to remember the lines.  And I’m not saying you won’t remember them in a couple of weeks after watching it (duh), I mean that you will forget them while watching it.

    • You should watch this film with the audio comentary on: Michael Bay sounds like the delusional loonie he is, Jerry Bruckheimer spends the whole movie hardselling it, Bruce Willis sleepwalks through it and barely says anything, but Ben Affleck is utterly hilarious. His remarks about the absurdity of some plot points and his stories about Michael Bay during the filming is priceless.
      There’s also some scientists guys who were hired by the film production to be the science experts but they spend the entire film saying where the science is wrong (basically, everything portaited in the film except for the fact that astroids do exist), and by the end they just give up even giving a pretence on defending the film on the pretense of entertaiment and throw their hands in the air is quiet desperation. It’s hilarious.

  • Pisd off tw@

    “A spinning space station would only generate force outwards, that is, away from the center of the station”… WRONG! They are not on the surface of earth – centripetal force doesn’t act outwards and if you think it means centrifugal force then it aint! Look it up ‘cos I can’t be arsed to explain it

  • This review will never get old.

    • green

      hey

  • green

    hello

  • green

    is anyone here i just got one question

  • Michael Bagamery

    Not that The Matrix isn’t infinitely better than this movie (actually, not that all three of them aren’t), but how could Armageddon have included an aspect the filmmakers knew would be a reference to The Matrix, given the original Matrix was released nine months later? That’s a Booth mistake.

  • point of note: 65 million years ago the continents actually were in more or less the same positions as they are today. (with a few differences.. Australia and India were in different spots, and not everything was connected together yet.)
    http://www.angelic-scorn.com/world-map-65-million-years-ago-world.jpg

    Pangea was only around between 300 mya and 200mya.. by the time the dinosaurs had started really taking off, the super-continent was in the process of splitting into two parts (eurasia and north america as

    “Laurasia”, the rest in the south as “Gondwana”. both of which gradually separated further over the next 150 million years

    that said, the image of the earth being hit in the film shows modern shorelines, which is a historical gaffe.