Armageddon (1998) (part 1 of 13)
The critics rave about Armageddon!
| “The first 150-minute trailer… An assault on the eyes, the ears, the brain, common sense and the human desire to be entertained. No matter what they’re charging to get in, it’s worth more to get out.”
—Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times
“There isn’t a scene in the film that exists on any level except as a hard sell. If this movie-as-trailer thing really catches on, it’s the death of storytelling—not to mention grace, subtlety, coherence, character development, beauty. It’s Armageddon all right.”
“It looks like a TV ad, or 200 of them strung together, with the same kind of gaudy virtuosity, lavish technique and expensive self-mockery tinging every shot.”
“So predictable it could have been written by a chimp who’s watched too much TV, the huge movie is as dumb as it is loud, and it’s way too loud. Watching it is like putting your head in a tin washbucket while weightlifters whack it with golf clubs.”
“How do I hate Armageddon? Let me count the ways.”
“An ejaculatory great time!”
I never thought this day would come. But here it is. I’m finally diving headfirst into the dark, soul-sucking abyss otherwise known as Michael Bay’s Armageddon. And, sick son of a bitch that I am, I’m taking six other innocent people down with me.