May 23, 2006
Aquaman “Pilot” (part 4 of 11)
Fade up onto underwater footage of coral reefs, and the captions “Tempest Key, Florida” and “this morning”. Really? This morning? So the characters knew when I was going to watch this, and waited until today to start the plot? That was considerate.
An entire aquatic zoo of marine life swims by, with a buff, bare-chested young man moving easily among them. He swims by a great white shark, sharing a level of interaction that amounts to an office-corridor hey-Bob. “See the Dolphins game last night? Ha, ha, yeah, that joke never gets old.”
The guy slides into the patented Patrick Duffy Man from Atlantis body-wave, which is evidently how superhumans must move if they have the ability to breathe underwater. (I even saw Kyle XY doing it at the bottom of a local swimming pool last month.) Soon, he’s exploring a sunken wreck, and disturbing a concealed manta ray for no reason. Watch it, pal. If they can turn on the Croc Hunter, I have no trouble believing they would turn on you.
And do I even need to tell you that heavily sanitized “Caribbean” music is playing throughout all of this? Right now I’m looking around for a lobster getting ready to sing “Kiss de Girl”.