Aquaman “Pilot” (part 4 of 11)

Fade up onto underwater footage of coral reefs, and the captions “Tempest Key, Florida” and “this morning”. Really? This morning? So the characters knew when I was going to watch this, and waited until today to start the plot? That was considerate.

An entire aquatic zoo of marine life swims by, with a buff, bare-chested young man moving easily among them. He swims by a great white shark, sharing a level of interaction that amounts to an office-corridor hey-Bob. “See the Dolphins game last night? Ha, ha, yeah, that joke never gets old.”

The guy slides into the patented Patrick Duffy Man from Atlantis body-wave, which is evidently how superhumans must move if they have the ability to breathe underwater. (I even saw Kyle XY doing it at the bottom of a local swimming pool last month.) Soon, he’s exploring a sunken wreck, and disturbing a concealed manta ray for no reason. Watch it, pal. If they can turn on the Croc Hunter, I have no trouble believing they would turn on you.

And do I even need to tell you that heavily sanitized “Caribbean” music is playing throughout all of this? Right now I’m looking around for a lobster getting ready to sing “Kiss de Girl”.

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Mark "Scooter" Wilson

Mark is a history guy, a graphics guy, a guy for whom wryly cynical assessments of popular culture are the scallion cream cheese on the toasted everything bagel of life. He spends his time teaching modern history at Brooklyn College, pondering the ancient Romans at the CUNY Graduate Center, and conjuring maps and illustrations for ungrateful bankers at various Manhattan monoliths. Readers are welcome to guess at reasons why he's nicknamed Scooter, with the proviso that all such submissions are guaranteed to be rather more interesting than the truth. Mark lives in the Midwood section of Brooklyn with a happy-go-lucky, flop-eared dog named Chiyo who is probably, at this very moment, waiting patiently for her walkies.

Multi-Part Article: Aquaman "Pilot"

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