Jul 31, 2019
Anaconda (1997) (part 1 of 5)
The Cast of Characters:
Terri Flores. Jennifer Lopez’s career begins its slow, painful decline with this budding documentarian. Standard “Final Girl” material.
Danny. The documentary’s cameraman and token jive-talking black guy, as well as another plum rapper/actor role for Ice Cube.
Paul Sarone. Jon Voight, firmly in his “anything for a buck” phase as an over-the-top psychotic snake hunter.
Dr. Cale. Terminally bland anthropologist and producer of the documentary. As you’d expect, played by Eric Stoltz.
Warren Westridge. Jonathan Hyde as the stiff-assed Brit narrator of the documentary.
Gary. Between this, The Cable Guy, and Armageddon, Owen Wilson wasn’t very good at choosing his immediate follow-ups to Bottle Rocket. As for the character, he’s the perpetually horny soundman.
Denise. Ex-porn and Eight Legged Freaks star Kari Wuhrer as the equally horny production manager.
Mateo. Barge driver and token Hispanic guy. Guess how he ends up.
The anaconda. Alternately a big, ponderous mechanical snake, and a considerably longer and faster piece of computer animation. Voiced (or is that hissed?) by Frank Welker.
Man, take a gander at that cast! It’ll be a very long time before we get to see such a big group of high-priced stars lowering themselves to this level again, so cherish it while you can.