Why Amy Poehler won’t do coke with you anymore

amy poehler

“Cocaine is terrific if you want to hang out with people you don’t know very well and play Ping-Pong all night. It’s bad for almost everything else,” says Amy Poehler in her new book Yes Please, which hits the stores Oct. 28.

It’s day after you do coke that really sucks: “The day after cocaine is rough. Same with ecstasy. I remember a wonderful UCB* New Year’s Eve party where we all danced and drank water and loved each other. I also remember the next day when I thought I had no friends and I was so sad I wanted to sink into the carpet and permanently live there.”

So don’t do drugs, kids. Unless you own a ping pong table. Or something.

amy poehler book full

Of course, pot is a whole different experience. Says Amy, “I would smoke in the morning and listen to Bob Marley. I would wear headphones and buy records and comic books. I would make mac and cheese while watching Deep Space Nine.”

Comic books and Deep Space Nine? As if she didn’t have a big enough geek following. It’s like a stoner version of The Big Bang Theory. (Dude, I totally call dibs on that idea!!)

Page Six has more quotes from Yes Please, including sex tips and Jon Hamm being a total dick on the set of Saturday Night Live.

*“UCB” is Upright Citizens Brigade, an improv and sketch comedy troupe originally from Chicago where Poehler first started turning heads.

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  • BMW

    Unpossible…Jon Hamm is perfect.

  • mtn_philosoph

    I don’t need drugs. They just mess up my snark buzz.

  • Brendan_M

    The savvy drug user avoids a rough day after by saving some drugs to do more of the next day. Amy Poehler may be a comedy genius, but I think I am the drugs genius.