Noted Cultural Critic Allen West Reviews Macklemore’s AMA Acceptance Speech, Gives It Two Thumbs Down
Did you watch the American Music Awards, America? Did you sink into a pit of existential gloom about the whole thing? Will you be more or less gloomy if we now have to talk about Allen West, the one-term Congresscritter from Florida who now just terrorizes us via his web site and Fox News? It doesn’t really matter how you feel, ’cause we’re gonna talk about him anyway because of how we’re mad with power. So Allen West watched the AMAs…Oh, who are we kidding. Allen West made some intern watch the AMAs with a specific eye towards finding something he could be poutraged about, hopefully of a hippity-hop-related variety, and Allen West did not have to beat that intern to death for failure, because the intern found A Thing to be mad at.
So Macklemore won best Rap/Hip-Hop Artist, which we told you was going to happen, even though that is all wrong and Macklemore is some earnest white straight boy bullshit and everyone played that “Same Love” at their wedding because ally, and we do not like Mr. Macklemore even one bit, nosiree. During his acceptance speech, Macklemore gave a generic sympathy shout-out to Trayvon Martin.
Macklemore made this statement via his video acceptance speech, “Due to the fact that we are in Florida tonight accepting this award I want to acknowledge Trayvon Martin and the hundreds and hundreds of kids each year that are dying due to racial profiling and the violence that follows it. This is really happening. These are our friends, our neighbors, our peers and our fans, and it’s time that we look out for the youth and fight against racism and the laws that protect it.”
OK, whatevs. Macklemore is just, as Gawker so aptly put it, continuing his tradition of confusing telling people to do something with him actually doing something. We are not outraged about his statement, though we are still hella outraged about the fact that the dude is considered the best rap artist at any flavor of awards show. But Allen West is SUPER MAD about this speech on account of how he is Allen West.
[Macklemore] is a walking example of the low information voter. Is he unaware of the “knockout game?” Maybe he doesn’t know, as Kevin Jackson points out, that black people kill more black people every six months than the KKK did in 86 years. I hope this “entertainer” becomes familiar with the stories of 13-month-old Antonio West or 88-year-old Delbert Belton.
Man, West and company are super-attached to that knockout game story. Listen, Allen West. The knockout game is bad! Totally bad! We agree that you should not go sucker punch people, especially when you punch them to death. Punching people at random is only cool if Andy Samberg does it.
What West and company always fail to comprehend or mention is that the sucker punchers GET CAUGHT AND CHARGED. And the whole point of the Trayvon Martin problem and Macklemore’s formulaic concern is that George Zimmerman was not charged with the shooting until a sufficient quantum of people yelled about it and then got off because Florida’s awful stand your ground law means that as long as you cry “black man tried to kill me” loud enough you have a defense. This is actually a problem and boring not-really-rap dude Macklemore is not wrong to point it out and Jesus FUCK, Allen West, your nonsense made us have to defend Macklemore and THAT’Z NOT OK.
We have a solution to avoid ever having to do this again, we think. Both West and Macklemore seem like the kind of people who would like to pretend they could set aside their differences for a moment and have a reasonable conversation with each other. Let’s book an Allen West/Macklemore speaking tour, and then make sure the bus gets lost and we never hear from either one of them again. Problem solved.