Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987) (part 5 of 5)

by · January 4, 2012

Agon asks who’s going to die for the killing of the lion and of course, Umslopogaas volunteers Swarma.

Caption contributed by Ed

“Tell the guy recapping this if he brings up Three Fugitives one more time, he’s getting this bad boy right between the eyes!”

Swarma does what we would expect, and things are truly going nowhere quickly, until Agon presses something on the bottom of the large table in the room, which makes a rather anachronistic beeping noise, before opening up a huge pit in the floor which Jesse nearly falls into.

Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987) (part 5 of 5)
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Ed Harris

A fan of less than great cinema since childhood, Ed divides his time between writing scripts, working an actual paying job and subjecting himself willingly to some of the worst films society has produced.

Multi-Part Article: Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987)

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  • Olaf_the_Lofty

    I enjoyed that very much! Thank you. My favourite passage: “Christ, this movie is desperate! About the nicest thing one can say is that it moves quickly… But then again, so does diarrhea.” I checked the original book on Project Gutenberg, and I’m sorry to say that James Earl Jones’ character really is called Umslopogaas. He is supposed to be a Zulu. This name has absolutely no resemblance to real Zulu names.

  • Monterey Jack

    “Umsloppogaas” sounds like he should be Big Bird’s imaginary friend.

  • Cristiona

    Oh, Cassandra… you host terrible movies for a living, but this is beneath you, honey.

    • Ed

      I’ll say, between this and Stroker Ace it really makes you appreciate what a minor miracle Elvira: Mistress of the Dark really was.

  • Ed

    Funny thing I forgot to mention in the recap. I first sw this when I was about ten or eleven and even then I thought it sucked!

  • This is why we need more text recaps; screw the money, I want funny!

    In text form!

    • JD

      Absolutely … this place was my favourite lunchtime haunt as I ate my sandwich at my desk, but watching videos just doesn’t work (no sound allowed – which is fine for watching a few NHL highlights, but doesn’t really work The Agony Booth).

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