May 8, 2017
8 Emails from TV Characters found on Hillary Clinton’s Email Server
With new (and amazingly boring) emails from Hillary Clinton’s personal server coming out in drips every few weeks, we got to thinking which of our favorite TV characters might get caught up in the controversy…
8. Castle’s Rick Castle
From: Rick Castle <email@example.com>
Subject: A Slight Complication
Hey, kitten. Got your email address from Mayor Weldon. Just wanted to congratulate you on knocking off Bracken so early in the primary season. Should make your path to the nomination much easier. Only one little wrinkle… My wife just dumped me for you. She doesn’t know it’s you, of course, but it’s only a matter of time before she figures it out. Where’d you come up with the codename LOCKSAT anyway?
7. Gotham’s Mayor Aubrey James
From: Office of the Mayor <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Job openings?
Things aren’t working out here in Gotham. All the crime’s left me feeling boxed in. If you can find a spot for me on your campaign management team, I’ll make sure the phone number of one Mr. Alfred Pennyworth makes its way into the rolodex of your SuperPAC chairman. He’s the guy in charge of the Wayne fortune right now. I think he’s from Europe or something, so he’ll probably eat up your new gun control shtick, especially with what happened to his boss.
6. Blindspot’s Jane Doe
From: Jane <email@example.com>
Subject: Quick Question
This may sound strange, but your email address is tattooed on my left thigh, right next to a cross-eyed rattlesnake and the Sanskrit symbol for pineapple. Does that mean anything to you?
5. Agents of SHIELD’s Phil Coulson
From: Unknown <unknown>
Subject: Keep an eye out
Madame Secretary – I hope all is going well on the campaign trail. I’ve been fortunate enough to attend a few of your speeches in recent weeks. My question for you has to do with your husband. Don’t you think his charisma and personal magnetism is more than a little unnatural? Inhuman, if you will? We may need to have a conversation soon.
4. Empire’s Lucious Lyon
From: Lucious Lyon <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Help Needed
Pardon me, Hilz… No, seriously, if you get elected, will you pardon me?
3. Sleepy Hollow‘s Ichabod Crane
From: Ichy Crane email@example.com
URGENT! YOU MUST FIND THE LOST SOUP SPOON OF THOMAS JEFFERSON’S NIECE AND USE IT TO POUR RASPBERRY SODA ON THE GHOST OF ABIGAIL ADAMS’S LABRADOODLE BEFORE THE RISING OF THE BLOOD MOON, LEST BEELZEBUB REIGN FOREVER OVER OUR SLEEPY NEW ENGLAND TOWN!
2. Once Upon a Time‘s Snow White
From: Mary Margaret Blanchard <firstname.lastname@example.org>
URGENT! YOU MUST FIND THE LOST SOUP SPOON OF WILLY WONKA’S NIECE AND USE IT TO POUR RASPBERRY SODA ON THE GHOST OF RAPUNZEL’S LABRADOODLE BEFORE THE RISING OF THE BLOOD MOON, LEST THE TROLL KING REIGN FOREVER OVER OUR SLEEP NEW ENGLAND TOWN!
1. The IT Crowd’s Moss
From: Moss <email@example.com>
I am sorry to inform you but I will be unable to testify before the United States Congress about the email server I installed in your closet as I am deathly afraid of the United States Congress. I am also concerned that a road rage driver may gun me down the middle of the street. Also, obesity runs in my family so I try to minimize the amount of time I spend in America so I do not fall victim to your decadent lifestyle. However, I am pleased to report that I did not take the opportunity to peruse your underthings whilst performing server maintenance alone in your bedroom, so that’s one less thing you have to worry about. Roy says, “Hi.”
What do you think? Who’d we leave out?
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