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The 5th Wave (2016)
Dec 20, 2016
(500) Days of Summer (2009) (part 8 of 10)
And now, to pad out this flimsy story, some of the characters speak directly to the camera in black and white footage. They talk about their relationships like they’re in a documentary, which was an interesting gimmick back when Rob Reiner made When Harry Met Sally. Nowadays, it just comes off as forced. And I can’t focus on anything anyone is saying, because I keep wondering who would actually make a documentary about people this boring.
First up is a tiresome speech from Paul, like anyone cares what he has to say about relationships, where he talks about meeting his girlfriend in elementary school. And then it’s McKenzie’s turn to bore us, and he says he doesn’t care about love, as long as the girl is cute. And then Mr. Vance talks to us about how he’s been married to his wife for 21 years. And it’s filler. My god, it’s all filler.
And then it’s back to Paul, who says his girlfriend Robyn is not at all like how he imagined his dream girl. He always thought his dream girl would have a “bodacious rack”, and just keep at it, Paul. Eventually, someone’s going to believe you’re straight. But Paul says that Robyn is “better” than the girl of his dreams, because she’s “real”. Just one follow-up question, Paul: Where exactly does Robyn keep the jar containing your balls?
The fake documentary then shows us Tom, who seems like he has something to say, but he just sighs. End fake documentary.
So, what we can all take away from the preceding sequence is this: a real woman is better than a woman who is not real. This is an award-worthy insight.
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