(500) Days of Summer (2009) (part 7 of 10)

And then we see Tom and Summer in the movie theater, having a great time watching Vagiant. That’s about it. It’s Tom and Summer having a great time in a movie theater. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think the whole point of this was to shill for Pepsi. Thankfully, I know better.

Caption contributed by Albert

You know what’s really fun? Wearing a tie to the movies.

With that, we flash forward to Day 314. A despondent Tom is now alone in the same theater, and he’s watching a black and white French film. And then he visualizes himself in the movie, carrying balloons, while the voiceover narration says (according to the subtitles) that he is “broken”, “alone”, and “his only friend is grief”. He meets a mime who takes the balloons, and then lets them go, and then slaps Tom. Okay, really, guys. Isn’t there some kind of statute of limitations for making fun of French new wave cinema? If not, there should be.

Next up, Tom visualizes himself and Summer in a Swedish art film, talking about “Suffering,” and “So much suffering.” The subtitles say, “A shitload of suffering is what I’m saying.” Oh, subtitles, if only you knew.

Caption contributed by Albert

“Summer left… and everything shitty went with her.”

Now we’re in a Seventh Seal parody, and this is now officially causing some deep hurting. This kind of thing was passé when Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey did it in 1991, and even there they managed to make it much funnier than what we’re about to see. Here, Tom is dressed in chain mail, and playing chess with a kid dressed as Cupid, and Cupid wins and says (via the subtitles) “Better luck next time… bitch.” What part of this is supposed to be funny?

Caption contributed by Albert

Milton Bradley would not give them permission to say “You sunk my battleship, bitch.”

And then we get a title card saying simply “fin”. Oh, movie. Don’t tease me like that.

Just out of curiosity, is there anything less exciting or original than making fun of foreign art films of the ‘50s and ‘60s? They’ve got to be the easiest targets in the world. You might as well be making fun of pretentious conceptual art exhibits while you’re at it. Oh, wait.

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Multi-Part Article: (500) Days of Summer (2009)

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