May 3, 2018
5 Useful Features Netflix Should Actually Have
In case you didn’t know, I am a college student. Naturally, I watch a lot of Netflix.
Netflix, depending on who you are, is either the greatest thing since sliced bread or the worst thing since asbestos. I know, you’re probably like, “Wait, how does this college girl know about asbestos? Wasn’t that before her time?” And you would be right. I didn’t know what asbestos was until I got to college, and I didn’t learn it in Biology 101. The only reason I know what is asbestos is because my dorm currently has it.
I pay $28,000 a year for this hellhole!
When I’m not trying to avoid breathing in poisonous fibers, I spend my free time watching whatever is on Netflix. And after three years of having a Netflix subscription, I think I have a pretty good handle on what the company should do if they want to keep their stock up. And if they want to give me a job after graduation, that’d be cool.
I’m not kidding, I need a job.
1) Introduce An Actual Favorites Option So I Can, You Know, Revisit My Favorites
Netflix has over 7,000 genres and over 100,000 titles, and these people expect me to remember every single one I like?
Netflix allows you to rate what you’ve watched, and a “My List” option is used to bookmark TV shows and movies you want to watch later. However, where is the option to actually save your favorites?
There’s all this stuff I like on Netflix and I rate it, but then I promptly forget about it. It’d be easier if I could actually mark the shows and movies I really enjoyed on a separate list so I could return to them whenever I get a little disorientated after binge watching ten seasons of Friends.
The 90s are very frightening to my Millennial eyes.
I don’t know why this feature hasn’t been introduced yet. It’s such an obvious option. And if they did introduce it, it would make my next idea easier to carry out.
2) Alert Me When My Favorite Shows Are Being Removed, Dammit!
It’s a tragic but well known story. You’re hanging with your friends, and you’re all like, “Man, we’re bored. Let’s watch something fun on Netflix!” And you’re like, “Hey, let’s watch something cheesy like Say Yes to the Dress!” And then you type it in the search bar, and Netflix tells you, “Sorry! We don’t have that anymore!” And you tell your friends, and you’re all like, “Uh, I guess we’ll watch Bridezillas instead.” But you know what? Watching spoiled bratty women screech at people on camera isn’t as fun if we don’t get to see them cry when they try on wedding dresses.
Their tears rejuvenate my soul.
I often go through phases where I think I’m too good for reality shows and then two days later I remember that I am not. So I go back–only to find my favorite show has been removed. A little heads up, via an email alert or a notification on the welcome screen, would be nice.
I know, I know. Sometimes Netflix does let you know when a show is about to expire…in teeny, tiny eight point font underneath it. Give me a real notice, Netflix, so I could rewatch my favorite titles one last time before the licensing rights on them expire.
Plus, this feature could be used to alert users when new episodes of their favorite shows have finally become available.
3) Stop Asking Me If I’m Still Here, I Really Don’t Have a Life
Netflix, I swear to God that I don’t have a life. Stop doing that cheeky little thing where you pretend to be concerned and want to know if I’m still watching. I am.
I know Netflix does this to make sure they’re not paying for unnecessary bandwidth, but come on! Netflix is like that Lay’s Potato Chip ad–we can’t have just one.
I would damn all of mankind to suffering if it meant I could watch a full season without interruptions.
If Netflix could at least let us get an “Autoplay for X Amount of Episodes” option so I don’t have to keep pressing play, that’d be great.
4) Have a Suggestion Box, Dammit!
Netflix, why the hell you do you have eleven Rob Schneider titles? That’s eleven Rob Schneider titles too many. Netflix has been so focused on getting rights to TV series that they’ve kinda dropped the ball on getting actual decent movie titles.
Why did you guys get the rights to Gigli instead of something good?
I understand that movie licensing is expensive, so instead of Netflix taking a stab at what users might like and then having zero people stream the title they paid for, Netflix should have a suggestion box where users can submit titles they’d like to see. It’d give Netflix more interaction with their customers and make us feel like a big company actually cared what we thought.
5) Stop Sending Out DVDs, Who the Hell Still Wants That?
Netflix got its start as as an online video rental store. Instead of hauling your ass around the corner to your Blockbuster, you could have them arrive straight to your mailbox. And then Netflix evolved to include online streaming, so now we never have to leave the front door!
My God, we’re a lazy country.
I understand that physical rental rights are easier to get than streaming ones and there are apparently 6 million people who still like getting physical copies of DVDs, but honestly, let’s get with the times. Stop coddling people who don’t have high-speed internet. Physical copies of everything are phasing out. Pretty soon, we’re not going to have laptops, or cellphones, or actual bodies anymore. We’re all going to be robots who can stream Netflix directly into our virtual frontal cortex.
At least then we won’t have to worry about asbestos.