Aug 6, 2017
19 Kids And Counting Recap: The Season Finale, The Big Proposal, And Thank God It Is Over
Season finale time on 19 Kids and Counting Woop Woop! Can it top last week’s shocking full frontal hug? We shall see!
Thank god this is the last time we will have to watch the never-ending parade of made-up names that begin with “J.”
Derick and Jill are courting! We get the rundown of every utterly sexless date they’ve been on, because this is all a runup to the EXCITING MARRIAGE PROPOSAL the show keeps teasing. Speaking of which, Derick stops by to talk to Jim Bob when Jill isn’t there, so that he can haltingly ask Daddy Duggar if he can marry Jill. Daddy Duggar responds with wanting to know how he will provide for her, probably because Derick does not have a successful reality teevee show and an inexplicable popularity to fall back on like Daddy Duggar does. Derick has an as-yet-unexplained job offer, so he’s totally going to be able to keep Jill in the style to which she has become accustomed: pumping out baby after baby.
Daddy is really going to drag this out. In his trademark sorta Southern monotone, he tells Derick that he and Mom Duggar love Derick and he is sure Derick is the one for Jill.
Control your enthusiasm, Daddy.
After much boring talk, Daddy says it’s cool if they get married and then there’s some special Daddy-Derick prayer time.
The Duggar clan is on their way to New York City because they have a book tour for the nonsense book that the four eldest Duggar girls have written with surprising ease. First up: Good Morning America, which gives Daddy a chance to stomp around in his t-shirt and complain about how early it is.
Christ, the accommodations are ridiculous, with three small Duggars crammed into one bed.
The smallest Duggars get to sleep on the floor with no sleeping bags. Christ, Daddy, you are a cheapskate. Just spring for a few more hotel rooms.
Big drama! One of the Josh-Anna spawn is sick! We get to watch him throw up on camera! Must see teevee! Now everyone is freaking out because this entire family is one enormous disease vector.
Oh god we forgot that the Duggar girl book is all about how to date or how to be a Duggar or some such. They go on GMA and get some softball questions about how great it is to be them. Yawn.
The Duggar ladies are going for a walk in beautiful New York City and of course the first thing they do is find a bridal shop because these women are fucking wedding crazy. Jessa has only been dating her dude for six months, and Jill has only been dating Derick for three, but it is most def time to check out the wedding gowns even though NO ONE HAS ASKED ANYONE TO MARRY ANYONE YET.
If we had our way, the big reveal here would be that Derick never bothered to ask Jill to marry him and this would all be for naught.
Mom Duggar brags to wedding gown lady about how many babies she’s birthed, because let’s face it: this is the only thing this woman has achieved in her life.
Jessa does not want to try on wedding dresses until she’s got the ring on her finger, but Jill is all about it.
All the Duggar ladies ooh and ahh and Mom Duggar has this wide-eyed hungry anticipation about the whole thing that is entirely disturbing. Jill is not even engaged yet, lady.
Derick’s doing his proposal planning! He’s found a singer-songwriter to pen a song about his endless love for Jill. Oh god that will be terribawesome.
Book signing time! Time for some white ladies toting babies to come tell the Duggars what great role models they are.
Problem: Derick has a ring, but it is too small! But it can be fixed! Whew. Glad we got that sorted.
New problem: Derick does not normally wash his hair nor does he posses any hair products, but he wants his hair to look good for the proposal. Jill has gifted him with some sort of spray mousse that looks suspiciously like Aussie Scrunch Spray.
He sprays about one million ounces of the stuff on his head, and it looks exactly the same. He throws a suitcoat on over an untucked shirt and jeans. Looking sharp for your big day, Derick.
Two of the other Duggar spawn are chaperones for the big lunch date wedding proposal, because you are not allowed to be alone together until you are betrothed or something.
Derick is nervous! He can only eat a salad, which is not very manly, as per the Duggar girls. Wuss.
So now they take a stroll through some not terribly attractive part of whatever city the Duggars live in, the other Duggar girls trailing behind, until they get to the dude who is gonna play the special proposal song. Yessss. This is going to be the best thing ever. Christ we wish we could embed this song. Some dude with Keith Urban wannabe hair starts the song and then random people appear out of nowhere to play the maracas.
The song is the most literal thing ever about how Jill and Derick grew up near each other but then Derick went to Katmandu and also too the lord made Jill for Derick. Perhaps you can buy it at iTunes.
Finafuckinglly he gets down on one knee and asks and Jill pretends to be surprised and they side hug. It’s a big moment.
You guys, now that they are engaged they get to hold hands! They call a Duggar family meeting so everyone can pretend to be surprised and gather ’round the engagement ring and then to pray in a circle and then for the moms to coo over the whole thing and then time to interview the small children about why it is good that Jill and Derick are getting married.
That’s pretty much how we feel about it too.
You guys this season is over with! We are released from our bondage! Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty, free from the Duggars at last.
Catch up in the archives
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode One
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Two
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Three
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Four
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Five
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Six
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Seven
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Eight
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Nine
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Ten
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Eleven