19 Kids And Counting Recap: The Courtship Suspense Is Killing Us

Just like last week, Daddy Duggar and spawn Jill are in Nepal, which means maybe we’ll have the joy of more casual racism from Daddy.

Do you know how much we’ve come to hate the intro credits where Mom Duggar reads the list of all the children’s names? ALL THE HATE.

Honest to God we are pretty sure this is the exact same Nepal footage from last week. Maybe it is on some sort of loop?

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There’s also some vaguely “world” music to accompany the footage, because this show is the worst.

Jill and Daddy are very intrigued/disturbed by people trying to sell you things on the street. How dare they approach the Duggars without permission!

Jill is dumped into a store where she can look at bags and Derick leaves to do something else. Jill is perplexed and besaddened by this, but is sure it is something really important. Then Daddy and Jill proceed to bother the shop owner about bags and $2 trinkets. Jill then explains that Daddy bothers her every night about how she feels about Derick and also too here is a helpful factoid about how you are never too young to get your courtship on, Duggar-style.

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Derick has headed to a jewelry shop, presumably to buy some sort of courtship trinket for Jill. Yep, he wants a heart necklace, because no one on this show has any imagination whatsoever. He’s getting all ready to ask Jill if they can court, but Jill is not sure and is still praying! This is a Hitchcockian level of suspense, people.

Oh god they’re going to put Daddy and Jill on some local transportation. Daddy calls it a rolling coffin. Daddy let Derick and Jill sit next to each other. GAME CHANGER.

19 Kids And Counting Recap: The Courtship Suspense Is Killing Us

Derick even gets a side hug in. What a bawse.

Jill and Daddy and Derick are at monkey temple to see the monkeys and let Daddy wave his banana at a monkey to feed it. Daddy Duggar reflects that he has fed many children, but only one monkey. Daddy Duggar is an insight machine.

Jill is visiting a Nepali birth center. She dons some glasses to look real smarter.

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She also makes a stilted speech to the woman who runs the center about how she is very sure that the women of Nepal are grateful for the birthing center because otherwise they have no pre-natal care. I’m sure today’s patients are thrilled to be in the hands of some random 20-something lady from the United States who will just not stop talking.

Jill has many feels about midwife tools and baby heartbeats. We’re going to assume there’s something that happened in a previous season that shows Jill’s deep love of midwifery, but no way in hell are we going to watch back episodes to find out.

Daddy and Derick go to get what Daddy keeps calling a traditional Nepali shave, which is basically just a straight razor shave, which last time we checked was not all that exotic. Perhaps we are missing something? Daddy proceeds to whine throughout the entire thing about how much it hurts and how much he wishes Mom was there to hold his hand and is there any blood? SHUT UP YOU FUCKING BABY.

Finally, we get to see what is happening back home with Mom and the other eleventy thousand children. Mom is going to hang out with James, and one of James’s hobbies is slingshotting. Wait, that’s an actual hobby in the year of our lord 2014?? It’s so Tom Sawyer. Mom reminisces about how she used to slingshot apples at cars when she was a child. Rebel rebel.

James has built some sort of slingshot target practice thingy in the concrete hellscape that is the Duggar front porch or back yard or what the fuck ever, and now it is time for Mom to get her grown-up slingshot game on.

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Being a Jesus kid looks hella boring.

Mom loved slingshotting! But she doesn’t want to do it every day! But she will do it to spend time with James!

Time for some exciting video chat action! Dad has planted himself between Derick and Jill so that there is no touching, of course. Apparently we’re done with the side hug action for now.

Daddy gives a book report to Mom about how Jill and Derick seem to like each other while Derick and Jill just have to sit there awkwardly.

After that stilted conversation, Daddy rewards Jill with the privilege of sitting next to the guy she may someday get to kiss months and months from now on their first wedding day.

Now it is time for Mom to quiz Jill and Derick about how they are liking each other. Christ, apparently this is what you do when you are all courtship-y. You never get to actually date, but you are required to talk about how much you like each other ALL THE TIME.

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Now all the elder girls get to pile into the chat and ask Derick if he likes Jill and if Jill likes Derick. Your reminder that these are GROWN PEOPLE, not 13-year-olds.

The Duggar parents are realizing that soon some of their slave labor children will be growing old enough to go off and create little helpers of their own, so it is time to pass the long-cherished Duggar skills, like using a bread machine, down to another generation.

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If you’re not keeping score at home, that is Jinger teaching Joyanna. Mom finds this passing of the bread torch very rewarding. Mom, you like it because you don’t have to cook for 21 people.

Jill hopes Derick likes her! Derick is smitten! (He really says that.) Wait, isn’t he supposed to propose courtship or whatever before she goes?

Here it is! Here it is! Courtship ask!! Derick is allowed to remove Jill from the orbit of Daddy Duggar for approximately 2 minutes to ask for her hand — and hand alone — in courtship. She says yes! Side hugs for everyone!!!

Jill explains she did not see this coming. Jill, it is literally the only thing that has been discussed the entire time you were in Nepal.

Conveniently, Derick lives 40 minutes away from the Duggar compound when he is not sowing the seeds of Christianity in far-off lands, so their courtship can proceed apace.

Oh god next week is the dinner theater episode. Mercy kill us now.

Catch up in the archives

19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode One
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Two
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Three
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Four
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Five
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Six
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Seven

TV Show: 19 Kids and Counting

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  • MTS

    Derick is kind of hot, even though he sounds like an oil pumping device. Please tell me these poor courtship kids occasionally sneak away for some mouth-on-mouth action.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    We’re going to assume there’s something that happened in a previous season that shows Jill’s deep love of midwiferyShe probably took it up so she could spend quality time with the Mother Duggar.

  • doingthis1moretime

    I want to watch this WITH YOU! I will bring the vodka! We have to do a shot everyone someones says The Lord and Praise Jesus. but you have to write the story RIGHT after the show. I will be epic.

  • I vote for Derrick’s kind-of hotness as well. Shame he had to get rid of the beard, but I’m sure to the Duggars wearing a beard is a sin.

  • Boston Red

    If I wanted to date someone while not getting laid, I don’t need a national TV show to accomplish that.

  • Camacho/Trump 2016!!

    Love these reviews.

  • illuminatus

    Dinner theater episode!? Orphan Black already has that all wrapped up, thank you very much. But thanks for playing, Duggars.

  • Joseph

    Derick must have been a very lonely boy in Nepal.. They are both going to be surprised on ther wedding night and probably for a few nights thereafter. I figure it will take Jill about there months to stop crying and Derick will be jerking off well into his forties. So, a normal Chirstian relationship.

  • SullivanSt

    Jill has many feels about midwife tools and baby heartbeats. We’re going to assume there’s something that happened in a previous season that shows Jill’s deep love of midwifery, but no way in hell are we going to watch back episodes to find out.

    One of the step-kids happened to watch that very back-episode not long ago, and I happened to be in the room for the relevant part. Remember when you said how rutting like rabbits made it increasingly likely the Duggars were going to have a miscarriage? Well, it already happened. Mom went in at 20 weeks to find out the sex of what would’ve been #20, only for them to be unable to find a heartbeat, which would’ve been less tricky to explain to the million kids that did make it if she hadn’t gotten them all excited about their new brother or sister before going in.

  • politicallie

    You make me almost want to watch…but not really.