19 Kids And Counting Recap: It's a 20 Questions Bro Down

In a move that is consummately unfair, this week is another double-Duggar-deluxe with two episodes back to back. We already disposed of the Jessa cooks for Ben one, so let’s move on to bigger and better things, shall we?

Oh Christ there’ going to be a goddamn actual factual baby being born on the show this week.

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Ben and Jinger and Jessa are flying to DC to visit Josh and Anna. No one on this show ever has to go to work or do anything that is a normal adult obligation. Ben is remarkably able to get time off from his kinda low-level job on the regular, and Jinger and Jessa have nothing to do with their lives except write their pretend book about being in courtships or whatever that thing is about.

Jill and Jana love babies! They love helping mothers deliver babies! Oh hey Jill. Looks like you made it back from Nepal. One of these children is going to be a midwife and the other is going to be a doula. The only thing worse than giving birth, we imagine, is having a Duggar talk you through the process.

Fun fact about Jill and birthing babies!

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Out of that 1000 hours, how many do we think were for Mom Duggar?

Man, we hope that this poor lady that’s going to give birth on camera got paid super well. The cameras are just hanging about while Jessa talks in a soft voice until the lady starts screaming and then we have to watch a shaky cam version of the water birth and what looks suspiciously like a baby alien surging out of the water.

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Whoever this lady is already has four kids and they get hauled in by a Duggar to meet their newest sibling. Do the Duggars hang out with any people that just have like two or three kids, or is that verboten?

Mom and Dad Duggar are meeting with a high-risk pregnancy doctor to make sure she is ready to “catch a baby” if God wants to give her one. Throw her one? Is this a quiverfull thing to say you catch a baby? Also, holy crap lady, HANG IT UP. NO MORE BABIES.

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She will not stop saying “catch a baby.” The doctor is explaining that babies are made when an egg meets sperm and that nature and god might see fit to give Mom Duggar her twenty-thousandth baby but also too she is 48. 48 FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

Reminder that the last baby she had was born at 25 weeks and was one pound and six ounces and then she miscarried another baby at 18 weeks and CHRIST LADY STOP TRYING TO HAVE BABIES.

We get to see footage of what we presume is material from an earlier season where the cameras just hung out while she miscarried.

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Doctor dude is desperately trying to explain to Mom and Dad Duggar that the risk of having Down’s Syndrome child increases dramatically as the woman ages. Yeah yeah yeah, says Mom Duggar. She knows they have to tell her that, but she’s had oodles of babies after age 36, so there! Take that, science! Maybe she is menopausal, maybe she is not, maybe god will decide, maybe we will get to stop watching this show before that particular issue gets resolved.

Time for Ben and Jessa to head to DC with Jinger chaperoning because the entire purpose of courtship is apparently that temptation is never-ceasing and that left to your own devices you’ll do it right there on the place, so you need someone watching over you to hold you accountable.

You will not be surprised to learn that the entire purpose of the trip to DC is for big brother beefy-smack Josh to quiz Ben and Jessa about how the courtship is going. Is it serious? Is it half-hearted? Is it bigger than a breadbox? Is it an animal? Can it fly?

Josh and Anna are trying to tell Ben about all the cool things he can do in DC like see monuments, but Ben’s big question is whether there is a gym nearby so he can work out. Josh, who has a soft round body and a soft round head, tries to macho up and talk about his workout routine too. He’s just one step away from an exploding fist bump.

The next morning, they bro down and go to the gym so that Ben can show Josh his sweet moves.

19 Kids And Counting Recap: It's a 20 Questions Bro Down

Weightlifting macho time is also time for Josh to ask Ben the exact same questions that he asked of Ben and Jessa last night: do you like her? Do you guys like each other? Are you serious? If you were a tree what kind of tree would you be? At the same time, Jessa is back at home being bothered by Anna about how exciting and important it would be if she and Ben get married. People, talk to each other about something else. Anything else. We beg of you.

DC trolly tour time! But we are not going to talk about DC or the monuments. We are going to talk about how nice it looks that Ben and Jessa are sitting on a trolley together, because it is SO SWEET TO SEE YOU GUYS. Also, there’s the creepiest factoid of this episode.

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We pity the poor intern that had to figure out how to dig up some bullshit fact about the Duggar clan and then relate it — no matter how tangentially — to some important DC building.

Ben was really into learning all about the monuments, but of course the most important part was being with Jessa, because there is nothing else in the world that matters.

You guys, we still haven’t seen Duggar Child Dinner Theater. And we still don’t know if Mom Duggar is in menopause yet. Sweet god in heaven above, how many more episodes must we watch? Why has thou forsaken us?

Catch up in the archives

19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode One
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Two
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Three
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Four
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Five
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Six
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Seven
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Eight
19 Kids and Counting Season Eight Episode Nine

TV Show: 19 Kids and Counting

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  • hdtex

    They should ALL be spayed and neutered.

    • $73376667

      This all makes me want to be spayed and neutered.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Yeah yeah yeah, says Mom Duggar. She knows they have to tell her that,
    but she’s had oodles of babies after age 36, so there! Take that,
    Because having a high-risk pregnancy is a surefire way to gin up even more fucking publicity.

  • BMW

    Jim Bob doesnt know how to pull out, but sadly either do the show’s sponsors.

  • glasspusher

    I think this is the last time I read one of these posts. I don’t want to associate with these people even by reading reviews of their show.

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      But the schadenfreude at Snipy’s expense is delectable.

  • BMW
    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      geez, at least give a SPOILER ALERT

      • BruceMcGlory

        lol c’mon, we all already knew they were going to sell that girl to the first bidder.

    • DemmeFatale

      Gah Bender! Stop spelling Derrick like a normal person!It’s DERICK, dammit!!

  • Shannon Martinez

    For the love of cupcakes, Michelle, STOP IT. Be happy with what you’ve got! Nineteen children!! Do you really want to be in the hospital for months on end with another premature infant???

  • Shannon Martinez

    WTF is a beefysmack?

  • politicallie

    I actually watched last night. Not all the way, just the tip. The ONLY parts I enjoyed were the little grandbaby interviews. Mackynzie and Michael are just beyond adorable. Save them, somebody save them!!!!!

  • BruceMcGlory

    So, wait a minute – GAWD plans everything, so what the hell are they doing at the evil, satanic, prolly baby-killing DOCTOR’s office?

  • Michael Toledano

    Am I the only person here who feels guilty for enjoying these recaps?

  • MRC210

    Lisa, you deserve hardship pay for watching these episodes all the way through, because these people are SO BORING. I can understand Ma Duggar trying to stir up some interest by trying to get storked up again, since that’s all she knows how to do.But here’s my tip to the Duggars on how to spice this show up. Make one of the kids a rebel. You know one of them has to be inclined that way anyway — they can’t all be brainwashed. Make it one of the girls for maximum effect. Show Ma & Pa Duggar finding her cache of makeup, cigarettes and magazines under the mattress after her sisters tattle on her, and the epic battles that follow. Show what happens when the girl gets sent to one of the boot camps for rebellious kids that Josh was sent to. That would send your ratings sky-rocketing.

    • D G

      Like one kid accidentally gets exposed to the internet and then decides once they graduate high school (are they home-schooled?) that they want to go to a **GASP** STATE SCHOOL!!!!

      • MRC210

        Oh hell yes they’re home-schooled, all of them. The Duggars don’t allow their brood to be contaminated by outsiders. As for going to college, the kids don’t get to decide anything. They get to attend college at home, through an online program affiliated with Christian colleges such as Liberty. But one of the older girls wants to be a nurse — not a profession that you can learn online. If she wants to pursue this, she’ll have to take classes outside the home. God only knows what depths of degradation this will lead to.

  • DemmeFatale

    POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT. (Like it matters.) I just caught a little of this horror show, (this may be the wrong thread, but I DON’T CARE!). How awful was that “date” with all the etiquette and all the nervous laughter? And just when I thought things couldn’t get worse…the Miss Manners ladies had a big, fat (poor thing), pug named “George W.!!”Now I love, love, love dogs, but if I had a dog named George W., I think I’d strangle it. (Not really, I’d just change its name.)