Jul 16, 2014
10 Great Pick-Up Moves For Ladies
Hey gals! Do you want to learn to pick up boys? You’ve come to the right place! I, Sara Benincasa, am an expert in scoring dates with handsome gentlemen. And now I’m ready to reveal my secrets! When I go out on the town, I use one of these surefire pick-up moves and pretty soon I’m reeling in the marriage proposals.
1. Go up to the most Italian-looking man at the party and yell, “IT WAS AN ABORTION, MICHAEL!”
2. Fart in a sexy man’s general direction. Guys love girls who understand the appeal of “Monty Python.”
3. Get on all fours in the middle of a crowded public space and stick your ass in the air whilst screaming, “COME AND GIT IT!”
4. Work towards financial independence and being a whole person who can meet her own emotional needs hahahah J/K lose weight.
5. Offer to show anyone within earshot your “How To Train Your Dragon 2” slash fic.
6. Spontaneously sing “Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man” at the top of your lungs while crying.
7. Approach a man and whisper in his ear, “I can’t remember what it’s like to feel.”
8. Make sculptures out of your toenail clippings, at TGI Friday’s.
9. Recite Eddie Murphy’s “Raw” from memory. Note: it does not matter if you have actually ever seen “Raw.”