10,000 B.C. (2008)

Welcome to the third installment of Guaranteed Razzie Contenders: 2009 Edition! In this special series of reviews and mini-recaps, the Agony Booth staff takes a long, unflinching look at the awful movies that are sure to be nominated for Razzie Awards in 2009!

Check out the other recaps in this series: The Love Guru by Ed Harris, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale by Ryan Lohner!

10,000 B.C.

Roland Emmerich, who helped define the Event Movie back in the ’90s, experienced his second big flop with 10,000 B.C. Dropped without ceremony in March of 2008, it may not have been as reviled as his cock-up of the Godzilla property, but that’s likely due to nearly no promotion leading up to it, or the fact that no one actually showed up to the theaters to endure two hours of Nintendo 64-level CGI.

10,000 B.C. is of a trend started by 300, wherein ancient history is presented in extreme, or more honestly, EXXXXX-TREME! ways, and also handled much more—well, I don’t think I can keep a straight face if I use the word “seriously”, so let’s just say “humorless”. Much like 300 eschewed the camp of Steve Reeves movies to give us an ancient Persian army that was a veritable Cirque Du Soleil of the Damned led by an 8 foot tall black drag queen, so too does 10,000 B.C. try to present a “serious” take on the caveman movie, even refuting that old chestnut of the genre: cavemen coexisting with dinosaurs.

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Jessica Ritchey

Born in Western North Carolina, Juniper was discovered in a filthy shack in the lovely Blue Ridge Mountains, speaking a made up language to a tattered rag doll, her only companion. Her social skills have improved little in the intervening years. She is currently making flailing efforts at being a freelance writer. One of history's supreme procrastinators she plans on writing a book about it someday.

Tag: Razzie Contenders: 2009 Edition

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