The Four Best Moments In The Guardian’s Mega-Long Bono Interview

The Guardian Observer had someone talk to Bono for what appears to be infinity, given the length of the article. You probably don’t have the time in your busy day to read one million words about Bono, so we did it for you.

1) The insanely ill-matched group of people he went to Africa with:

For a week at the end of August Bono was travelling in west Africa, leading an invited group that included Condoleezza Rice, five Republican senators,[including Lindsey Graham – ed.] corporate leaders from companies involved in the RED campaign (which donates money to the Global Fund to fight HIV/Aids), and artists including the LA dubstep pioneer Skrillex.

Sadly, the story does not go on to tell us about how Condi and Skrillex made a brilliant new bro-step song after they got drunk at dinner.

2) He calls himself a “factivist.”

Oh, do shut up.

3) U2’s money offshoring to avoid Irish taxes is cool because of a really complicated explanation.

It is not an intellectually rigorous position unless you understand that at the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. Tax competitiveness has taken our country out of poverty. People in the revenue accept that if you engage in that policy then some people are going to go out, and some people are coming in. It has been a successful policy. On the cranky left that is very annoying, I can see that. But tax competitiveness is why Ireland has stayed afloat. When the Germans tried to impose a different tax regime on the country in exchange for a bailout, the taoiseach said they would rather not have the bailout. So U2 is in total harmony with our government’s philosophy.

Sure. OK.

4) When he went to the G8 Summit in Germany a few years ago, he got chased by anarchists.

I was chased down the street in Germany by a bunch of anarchists at the G8 summit, wielding placards and shouting “Make Bono history!” – which even as I was running for my life I thought was a pretty good line.

Hmm. Usually we find both Bono and anarchists to be humorless douchebags, but that is pretty awesome. Good job, anarchists! Good job, Bono! Good job, Guardian Observer for writing all the so very many many words.

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  • johnnymeatworth

    Does the interview weight more than 9.5 courics?

  • Arcturus

    As I thought… he is so full of shit. It’s amazing how doing the best thing for Bono’s own money is also doing the best thing for Ireland! Hugs all ’round! What an ass… but I sure love their music.

  • JMP

    Bono has made some classic music and donates a lot of money to good charitable causes, but does a lot of hard work to overcome that so people primarily think of his being a colossal arrogant prick instead.

    • Buddha Stalin

      It’s a difficult balance.

  • Buddha Stalin

    Yeah, but “factivist”? My brain shuts down after trying to parse that word.

  • SullivanSt

    Protip: it is not the Guardian Observer. Monday to Saturday, it is the Guardian, and on Sunday it is the Observer.