Apr 27, 2018
Virginia State Senator Should Leave Irony To The Professionals, ‘Parasites’ Out Of The Wombs Of ‘Hosts’
Virginia state Senator Steve Martin (R-Three Amigos) referred to pregnant women as “host(s)” on his Facebook page and even included a parenthetical aside clarifying that he’s talking about mothers. He’s changed “host” to “bearer of the child,” because “host” suggests fetuses are parasites; his modified verbiage regards the unborn with the dignity they deserve.
Apparently, the sluts over at Virginia Pro Choice Coalition sent him a Valentine’s Day-themed reproductive rights message. The front of the greeting card read “Don’t Break Our Hearts,” and the inside asked for his support of the familiar laundry list of sluts’women’s issues: free birth control pills, mandatory blowjob lessons in the state sex ed curriculum, abortions on the basis of gender or eye color, and mandatory sterilization of confirmed Christians. Well, Martin could not let this piece of direct mail go unanswered, nosiree. He did what any part-time legislator would do and pouted all over his Facebook wall.
In addition to the “host” gem, Martin takes issue with the phrase “preventing unintentional pregnancies” posting “because if it’s ‘unintentional’ you must have been trying to prevent it.” Now, when it comes to fecundity, I’ve always told young couples, “If you’re not not trying to have a baby, then you’re trying to have a baby,” but this whole double negative business is getting really confusing with Sen. Martin. Thankfully his penchant for parentheses comes to the rescue: “(don’t have unprotected sex)”. Excellent point, sir, but given that the only 100% effective birth control method is abstinence (save the one rule-making exception of Virgin Mary and Baby Jesus), I’m not actually sure what “protected sex” means. You know, there are no mistakes, only God breaks rubbers, coitus interruptus, ipso facto, abortions should be illegal.
And now all the liebural media is flipping it all around on him. From Politico:
But Martin said Monday that the groups were twisting his words and that he was parodying their position in calling women “hosts.”
“From the beginning was playing their argument back to them. You’ll even notice the parenthetical statement that some call them mothers because I consider them mothers not hosts, so that’s not my argument that’s their argument,” Martin told POLITICO. “If you’re going to say that it’s my body, and if it’s in my body for a period of time, I can treat it how I want, then you’re the one arguing that you’re just a host.”
Martin said he changed his post, but he stands by his original words.
“Since they took that out of context, I said alright, I’ve already made it pretty clear since I said calling them mothers, I changed it to bearer of the children,” Martin said. “But I’d be happy to change it back. I think that the way in which they turned that and somehow used this as both a Valentine’s card issue and then to turn around say that I’m calling mothers and children who bear children hosts I think is a bit of twisting of the facts”
I don’t know how to unpack all that idiocy. Despite the asshattery, I do really like his style when it comes to parentheses. There’s no telling when he’ll be inspired to fire off another Facebook rant, but I’ll be checking his wall after the next Valpak comes in the mail.
Chevy Chase and Martin Short could not be reached for comment; they were last seen waiting for someone to make them a sammich.