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The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)
Michael A. Novelli
on Wednesday, March 13, 2013
It's finally here! Mendo's long awaited Requested Review of The Sword and the Sorcerer! Oh, and free tip for anyone else who wants to request a review: Don't pick a movie that makes Mendo say to himself, "Well, I don't think many people have heard of this movie, so I should spend several months hyping it up so the person who donated it gets the most for their money," because that just puts a lot of pressure on Mendo to do a much better review than the normal crap he spews out, none of which is helped by the huge psychological build-up of angst that the prospect of simply watching the film brings on. Especially when the film is no prize to begin with. It makes him cry. Stay tuned for a special guest appearance by someone you just might recognize if you frequent any other video sites... which, of course, you don't, because you're a good boy and/or girl!
The Return of the King (1980)
“His approach is cut short as he sees the reason a swarm of Orcs hasn’t gotten around to curb-stomping him into oblivion: they’re all dead. Naturally, we get a monologue explaining this, and I think even the five year olds watching at this point are probably going, ‘Move it along, goddammit, I got shit to do today!’”An Interview with Beverly Lynne, Erotic Film Star
“Fantastic actress, and star of some of my favorite movies, including Bikini a-Go-Go (now called Curse of the Erotic Tiki), Miss Lynne has more to offer the world than a willingness to star in nudity-oriented film spoofs, though those are worth checking out. She’s also a good cook, and advocates good hygiene!”Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles “Rust Never Sleeps”
“Guys, the French hate the Eiffel Tower. The average Parisian thinks it’s an eyesore. Guy de Maupassant used to eat at their restaurant every day just so he wouldn’t have to look at the damn thing! If you collapse it, they’ll probably send you a gift basket.”Quest for Camelot (1998)
"What people who hate Western animation think the whole genre is like."Eragon (2006)
"Why exactly did this movie turn out so terrible? Well, aside from the poor source material they were working with, it's pretty clear what doomed the movie: they just didn't give a shit."An Interview with Albert Moses, Beloved British Character Actor
“It’s not easy to make your way in a strange country, but to make your way and end up a Knight of the Order of St. John? Not such an easy thing to do. Throw in some documentary work, motorcycle stunts, and being James Bond’s costar not once, but twice, and that sounds like a sweet deal to me. The only man I know of who did all this is Albert Moses, so join me as we discuss crass comedy, Dinka documentaries, manic Maharajahs, and much, much more!”
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