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Baby Geniuses 3: Baby Squad Investigators (2013)
on Friday, February 22, 2013
Yes, Baby Geniuses, widely considered one of the worst movies of all time, has not one, but two sequels, each worse than the last. In the third installment, the Crown Jewels have been stolen from the Tower of London, and it's up to the baby geniuses to travel to Europe (specifically, GreenScreenLand) and use their secret baby language to recover them.
Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)
“Bay simply ramps up the pace and explosion count from prior entries and layers on the Dinobots like so much icing on a shit cake.”Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) is a long, dull trainwreck
“It’s amazing that a 150-minute film has such a flat and underdeveloped story. It really feels like a rush job, or that it’s a film based on cheap fan-service, or made by a committee.”Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 10 of 12): Jupiter says yes to the dress
Jupiter and Titus are about to get married, but to the shock of no one, Titus has sinister motives. Cue “Mrs. Robinson” on the soundtrack as Caine rushes to stop the wedding.The Divergent Series: Insurgent (2015)
“It’s only two hours long, which is about standard for today, but it’s two hours that drag on longer than the last 15 minutes of class before summer vacation.”Return to Oz (1985)
“Can’t say I really blame Aunt Em for wanting to strap Dorothy up to the electroshock machine. WTF kind of stuff is she telling people? Can’t Dorothy just tell them about the cute stuff, like the Lollipop Guild or whatever? I think if she had focused more on the non-creepy aspects of Oz, Aunt Em would be praising her for her creativity and imagination, not sending her off to Dr. Shocker, erm, Worley.”The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990)
"The previous film ended with Bastian flying off into Fantasia to recreate the entire magical realm from a single grain of sparkly power, but now he's back at home, living with his single dad again, with no explanation of how or why he came back. Worse yet, he doesn't seem to have grown as a human being from the experience at all."
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