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The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010)
on Monday, February 4, 2013
Nicolas Cage is the sorcerer and Jay Baruchel is the apprentice in a feature-length adaptation of that one segment from Fantasia. Watch as Disney screws up a franchise based on something that only lasts a few minutes. That never always happens!
The Return of the King (1980)
“His approach is cut short as he sees the reason a swarm of Orcs hasn’t gotten around to curb-stomping him into oblivion: they’re all dead. Naturally, we get a monologue explaining this, and I think even the five year olds watching at this point are probably going, ‘Move it along, goddammit, I got shit to do today!’”Kick-Ass (2010)
“Most action films are ludicrous to a degree, but this one is almost a cartoon. I felt about as much suspense over Hit-Girl’s fate as I feel concern for Wile E. Coyote’s health after a boulder falls on him.”Labyrinth (1986)
“It takes a real artist to perform among puppets, and Bowie pulls it off masterfully. Now that I’m an adult, I can finally admire his performance. As a girl, I was too busy feeling disconcerted by the puppets and the bulge in Bowie’s tights. They sure didn’t call it a ‘crotchtrusion’ for nothing.”High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008)
“I can’t even tell you what High School Musical 3 is about, other than prepping its tweener audience for the existential despair of their final months in high school.”Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)
“I wish they’d spent as much time working on the storyline as the visuals, but it is what it is.”Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
Because who says only video games can get terrible adaptations?
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