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The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1 (2011)
Dr. Winston O'Boogie
on Friday, November 16, 2012
After three years of assisting on Twilight reviews, the Doctor finally takes the series head-on with The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1. Stephenie Meyer's novel gets split into two movies to extract an additional billion dollars from Twi-hards who line up for these things no matter how tedious or repulsive they get. And this one is certainly repulsive, as Bella gets pregnant with a half-vampire baby who treats her womb like a bouncy castle, Edward performs a Cesarean with his teeth, and Jacob embarks on an 18 year quest to groom his future wife.
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
“My prediction at the end of my Twilight recap was correct: This movie did indeed suck harder than its predecessor. In fact, it sucked so hard that it made me wonder why I ever liked the first one to begin with.”Twilight (2008)
UPDATED Nov. 7, 2012 with commentary from Sofie!
Sofie revisits the movie that started a billion-dollar sparkly vampire franchise, 2008’s Twilight! Join her as she relives those first magical moments when codependency true love blossomed between Edward and Bella!strongTwilight (2008)
"No matter how good of a job the director did, and no matter how hard the screenwriters worked, nobody else's talent is ever going to fix the middle-aged woman's disturbing sparkly wank-dream that is Twilight."The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Edward decides his kind is too dangerous to be around Bella, so he goes into contrived self-exile, leaving Bella to screech like a maniac for months before finally finding comfort in hot werewolf Jacob. Alas, Sofie's endless mocking of the movie earns her the wrath of Pia (played by Sofie Liv), a scantily-clad airhead who breaks into Sofie's house to share a love of all things Twilight!The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
“Michael A. Novelli steps up to host the Movie Skewer and take over our coverage of the Twilight Saga: the continuing misadventures of a vacant, passive high school girl, the creepy vampire who controls her, and the werewolf/rapist-in-training who comes between them! In the third installment, Bella and Edward are engaged, which pisses off Jacob, while Victoria organizes an army of “newborn” vampires to kill Bella and get revenge on Edward. So yeah, pretty much the same plot as New Moon, only this time they pay Bryce Dallas Howard to stand around and do nothing.”Vampires Suck (2010)
This time out, Seltzerberg spoofs The Twilight Saga, and guess what? It's not nearly as soul-crushingly awful as what you're imagining! Watch as Winston O'Boogie risks all his internet reviewer cred by admitting to actually laughing at this thing.
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