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The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1 (2011)
Dr. Winston O'Boogie
on Friday, November 16, 2012
After three years of assisting on Twilight reviews, the Doctor finally takes the series head-on with The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1. Stephenie Meyer's novel gets split into two movies to extract an additional billion dollars from Twi-hards who line up for these things no matter how tedious or repulsive they get. And this one is certainly repulsive, as Bella gets pregnant with a half-vampire baby who treats her womb like a bouncy castle, Edward performs a Cesarean with his teeth, and Jacob embarks on an 18 year quest to groom his future wife.
"All you really need to know about this movie is that it's called Deafula, it's about a deaf vampire, it's performed entirely in sign language, and yes, it really exists."Twilight (2008)
"No matter how good of a job the director did, and no matter how hard the screenwriters worked, nobody else's talent is ever going to fix the middle-aged woman's disturbing sparkly wank-dream that is Twilight."The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1 (2011)
Together with the Porn Critic, Sofie witnesses such exciting things as... a marriage! And a pregnancy! And pedophilia! Oh, Twilight, what will you come up with next?The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
“Michael A. Novelli steps up to host the Movie Skewer and take over our coverage of the Twilight Saga: the continuing misadventures of a vacant, passive high school girl, the creepy vampire who controls her, and the werewolf/rapist-in-training who comes between them! In the third installment, Bella and Edward are engaged, which pisses off Jacob, while Victoria organizes an army of “newborn” vampires to kill Bella and get revenge on Edward. So yeah, pretty much the same plot as New Moon, only this time they pay Bryce Dallas Howard to stand around and do nothing.”Leonard Part 6 (1987)
“So by now, we're watching a drunk Bill Cosby performing surgery on himself with a hunting knife. Hey, having fun yet, Cosby Show fans?”The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 (2012)
Count Jackula and Horror Guru go on a killing spree due to the last entry of the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn: Part 2, starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner.
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