Video Show: The Porn Critic

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Comedy reviews of the worst and most bizarre adult films available, by a character called the Porn Critic, who tends to focus on the acting bits rather than the actual sex! Who knew continuity errors and bad dialogue could lead to chronic flaccidity?

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VIDEO: Scream XXX: A Porn Parody (2011)

Here’s a look back at the Porn Critic’s first (and only?) Halloween Special, where he takes a look at all the scary pornos out there, most notably, Scream XXX: A Porn Parody, about a film crew making a porn parody of Stab, the fictional movie in the Scream films. That’s insanely meta!

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VIDEO: Evil Head (2012)

The Porn Critic presents Evil Head, a takeoff on Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead, where the “gory horror” niche meets the “porn parody” niche. But is there really an audience for something sexy that has this much blood in it? Our very own Count Jackula makes a special appearance to put this film in its proper historical context!

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VIDEO: Womb Raider (2003)

The Lara Croft porn parody Womb Raider gets the Porn Critic treatment, and he wonders: Why spoof an action film if you can’t shoot a gunfight? This could have been a decent flick, if something actually happened in it! Unfortunately, it doesn’t and it isn’t.

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VIDEO: SpiderBabe (2003)

Softcore queen Misty Mundae stars as Patricia Porker, a shy high school girl who gets bitten by a genetically engineered spider and becomes an oversexed, crime-fighting superhero. The Porn Critic explains why SpiderBabe is a total piece of shit, with absolutely no talent or creativity going into the making of it.

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VIDEO: The Flintstones: A XXX Parody (2010)

The Porn Critic continues his quest to prove Rule 34, and this time he’s joined by our very own J.T. (AKA Joey Tedesco) for The Flintstones: A XXX Parody, where Betty is sexy, Pebbles is hot (and 18), and we learn how Wilma got her pearl necklace. They’ll have a straight old time!

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VIDEO: Superman vs. Spider-Man XXX (2012)

Porn Critic reviews Axel Braun’s latest, Superman vs. Spider-Man XXX. Yes, it’s a parody of a classic 1976 comic… supposedly. And it’s probably the only time you’ll ever see these two superheroes on screen
together, ever. Seriously, this will never ever happen in a 
mainstream movie. So it doesn’t even matter that the movie is rubbish; it’s
just pure fanboy essentialness… with boobs.

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VIDEO: Star Ballz (2001)

Not only does it reference Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball Z, Star Wars, and literally every movie ever made, but it also got the attention of George Lucas, who (unsuccessfully) filed a federal lawsuit against the makers of this movie. The Porn Critic checks it out to see if there’s any chance in hell he might confuse it with the real Star Wars.

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VIDEO: The Dark Knight XXX: A Porn Parody (2012)

Despite the title, there’s nothing funny about it. Batman bangs Catwoman, the Joker screws Batgirl (before shooting and crippling her), Nightwing does Poison Ivy, Zatanna [?] has sex with John Constantine [??] and there’s not the slightest trace of fun to be had. The Nolan films might take themselves too seriously, but why does the parody have to?

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VIDEO: Italian Stallion (1970)

It’s the infamous softcore porno starring Sylvester Stallone that was re-released when he hit it big with Rocky. A New York City couple have sex, engage in light S&M, then invite some of their friends over for an orgy. The end. Features a special guest appearance by our own Cheap-Arse Film Critic!

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VIDEO: Busty Cops 2 (2006)

MikeJ helps the Porn Critic review Busty Cops 2! Will it answer all the unanswered questions from the first Busty Cops? We don’t know, but the talking llama is back, and this time there’s a CGI whale! Also in this episode: special cameos from Welshy, Film Brain, and the entire Agony Booth crew!”

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VIDEO: Avengers XXX: A Porn Parody (2012)

What better way to start off a new show than with Vivid’s porn parody of the biggest film of the summer? Starring Dale DaBone as Iron Man, Brooklyn Lee as the Black Widow, ex-wrestler Chyna as She-Hulk, and many others, this is a movie that strangely enough includes way more Marvel characters than the actual Avengers movie.