Video Show: Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack

VIDEO: The Last Unicorn (1982)

Mendo and special guest The Omega have a sleepover and review the strangely morose story of a unicorn who suddenly realizes she’s the last of her kind, and goes on a quest with a magician to find out what happened to the rest of her species. Along the way, she has to deal with an annoyingly meta butterfly, a three-boobed harpy, a talking wino skeleton, and Jeff Bridges’ singing!

VIDEO: Pink Lady's Great Motion Picture (1978) / Japanese Spider-Man (1978)

Mr. Mendo brings us twice the insanity from 1978 Japan: First up, it’s the one and only movie starring singing duo Pink Lady, where they help an alien creature escape the circus, and teleport back to the Old West. After that, it’s the Japanese Spider-Man, who gets his powers from a guy from the planet Spider, along with his very own giant robot sidekick!

VIDEO: The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)

In this episode, Mr. Mendo goes to where few reviewers have gone and lived to tell about it, taking on The Beast of Yucca Flats, also known by its alternate title, Holy God, When Will It End?!? Unlike the other two films directed by Coleman Francis, this one’s got a sci-fi angle, where wrestler Tor Johnson survives an A-bomb test and becomes a mutant killer. But never fear, because it still has all the pointlessness and incompetence you’ve come to know and love from ol’ Coleman!

VIDEO: Batman Returns (1992)

Join Mr. Mendo and special guest Sofie Liv as they take on Tim Burton’s Batman Returns! The two Joel Schumacher-directed Batman films have been thoroughly dissected on this website, but is it possible that Tim Burton’s entries in the franchise were just as silly and nonsensical? Mendo and Sofie find out!

VIDEO: Antichrist (2009)

“Chaos reigns as Mr. Mendo takes on Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist, with the help of a very special guest, the Lecher Bitch herself, Diamanda Hagan! Watch as a grieving couple retreats to their cabin in the woods, in the movie that shocked Cannes with graphic depictions of genital mutilation, hardcore sex, talking foxes, and naked Willem Dafoe!”

VIDEO: Donnie Darko (2001)

“Mr. Mendo is back to take on yet another overrated indie film: Donnie Darko, the needlessly obtuse story of a schizophrenic boy, the 6-foot rabbit that visits him in the night, and the jet engine that falls on him. Also, there’s some stuff in here about time travel and the end of the world. And Patrick Swayze is a child molesting motivational speaker. This synopsis makes more sense than the movie.”

VIDEO: Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS / Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom (1975)

“Starting things off is 1975’s Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS, an entry in the inexplicably popular Nazi exploitation genre. Ilsa, commandant of a POW camp, conducts gruesome experiments on women to prove their superiority to men, while castrating the men who can’t keep up with her in the sack. At the top of the bill is Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom, also from 1975, the lighthearted tale of Italian fascists who kidnap a group of teenage boys and girls and degrade them for—you guessed it—120 days.”

VIDEO: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

“Michael Cera plays a 20 something slacker (shocker!) living in Toronto, who falls in love with a girl with seven evil exes, among them Superman and Captain America. Scott has to do battle with each ex in a series of Nintendo-inspired fight scenes, while writer-director Edgar Wright shamelessly attempts to create a new cult classic by stuffing in the maximum amount of video game in-jokes possible.”

VIDEO: Rubber (2010)

“Mr. Mendo teams up with the mysterious reviewer known only as The Omega for the world’s first movie about a self-aware rubber tire with the ability to psychically make people’s heads explode, also starring a self-aware Greek chorus of spectators who watch the film from inside itself. This movie doesn’t just sit atop the fourth wall; it crashes right through it. Which makes this episode of Hack Attack the perfect occasion for a surprise guest star (or two)…”

VIDEO: The A-Team “The Heart of Rock N' Roll”

“Really, it’s just a flimsy excuse to build an episode around lengthy performances of the greatest hits of Rick James, Isaac Hayes, James Taylor, and Huey Lewis and the News. Take out all the songs, and ‘Heart of Rock and Roll’ is a 12 minute episode, which is exactly what Mendo has made for you!”

VIDEO: Never Say Never Again (1983)

“Mr. Mendo once again explores the world of subpar James Bond films with Never Say Never Again, featuring Sean Connery returning to the role of 007 after a 12 year absence. In the movie, Blofeld threatens to detonate two stolen nuclear warheads unless SPECTRE’s demands are met, which eventually leads to a massive underwater battle. And if that synopsis sounds familiar, it’s because Never Say Never Again was legally required to have the exact same plot as Thunderball.”

VIDEO: Leprechaun 6: Back 2 tha Hood (2003)

“In this episode, Mr. Mendo gets his Irish on, and joins forces with special guest the Cinema Snob to take on the sixth (yes, the sixth) film in the Leprechaun series. Warwick Davis is the Leprechaun, who returns to “tha hood” a year after rapping with Ice-T, to slowly pick off a random group of ghetto denizens (including Tangi Miller, Laz Alonso, Page Kennedy, and the inimitable Sticky Fingaz) who make the tragic mistake of stealing his pot o’ gold!”

VIDEO: Forrest Gump (1994)

“In this episode, Mr. Mendo lists the 7 worst things about Forrest Gump, the tale of a simpleminded buffoon who somehow lucks into having the greatest life ever, while everyone around him suffers and dies horribly. Join Mendo as he rights some wrongs, solves the Kennedy assassination, exposes the fascist ideology of Tom Hanks, reveals what’s in Marsellus Wallace’s briefcase, and takes a cue from the film itself by raping as many classic pop songs of the ‘60s and ‘70s as humanly possible.”

VIDEO: The Haunting in Connecticut (2009)

“Allegedly based on a true story (it’s not), the movie tells the tale of a family who moves into a creepy house, only to discover it’s really a former funeral parlor haunted by demons. Yes, that old story. No, seriously, it’s the oldest story ever told. Watch Mendo and Fear Fan explain how this hodgepodge of 20 better horror films might be the blandest movie ever made.”

VIDEO: Ishtar (1987)

“Thrill to the song stylings of Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty, as they perform classics like ‘Love in My Will’, ‘Software’, ‘Wardrobe of Love’, and ‘How Big Am I?’ And yes, these are the highlights of the movie.”

VIDEO: Degrassi High “The All Nighter”

“From an undisclosed location in the Middle East comes the second installment of Mr. Mendo’s Hack Attack! In this episode, Michael A. “Mendo” Novelli teams up with his brand new sidekick Mr. Scratch to jump way ahead in the Degrassi timeline and discuss Mendo’s favorite episode of the high school years, ‘The All Nighter”!’