Video Show: The Blockbuster Chick

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Deep in the heart of a quiet town in Scotland, the Blockbuster Chick dwells. Her purpose? To tackle the big name box office hits that should’ve never been green-lit in the first place—The movies that get a huge build-up, only to fall flat on opening weekend. Come watch as an adventurous Scottish lassie reviews them all (give or take a few)!

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VIDEO: Hooves of Fire (1999)

‘Ello and welcome to Day Three of Blockbuster Chick’s 5 Days of Christmas Specials! Today’s review is of a British classic, a stop-motion animated special starring
Rudolph’s lazy, overweight son Robbie the Reindeer: Hooves of Fire!

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VIDEO: Australia (2008)

In Baz Luhrmann’s Pearl Harbor, Nicole Kidman is a British aristocrat who inherits a cattle ranch in pre-World War II Australia, and Hugh Jackman is the rancher who helps her drive her cattle across the outback. Spoiler alert: They fall in love. Also, they adopt a half-white/half-Aboriginal boy who can do magic, apparently, and arrive just in time to be caught in a Japanese sneak attack.

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VIDEO: Minority Report (2002)

In Steven Spielberg’s overlong, needlessly complicated adaption of a Philip K. Dick short story, the Couch Jumper (AKA Tom Cruise) plays a “precrime” detective who stops murders before they happen with the help of blind, androgynous “precogs” who can see the future.

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VIDEO: The Fifth Element (1997)

A force subtly known as the Great Evil threatens the earth, so it’s up to 23rd century cab driver Bruce Willis to bring together four element stones and Milla Jovovich (as the titular Fifth Element) to unleash a Divine Light to stop the Evil. Will they succeed, or be defeated by Gary Oldman’s awful (southern?) accent?

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VIDEO: Snakes on a Plane (2006)

Essentially a 100-minute forced meme, the movie stars Samuel L. Jackson as an FBI agent protecting a key witness on a flight to L.A. to testify against the mob. To rub the guy out, the bad guys release dozens of angry snakes on his plane, which is surely the dumbest airplane-related scheme to take out a witness since Airport ’79.

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VIDEO: Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

Pierce Brosnan as James Bond has to thwart the diabolical plans of a media tycoon who’s hell-bent on… getting broadcasting rights in China. Along the way, Bond gets the help of Michelle Yeoh as the standard “ass kicking female sidekick”, and sleeps with Teri Hatcher playing the standard “bad guy’s wife who has a complicated past with 007”.

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VIDEO: Wild Wild West (1999)

The Blockbuster Chick joins the site with a review of the 1999 dud based on the ’60s TV show, starring Will Smith and Kevin Kline as two 1860s government agents brought together by the president to foil a diabolical plot by a legless Kenneth Branagh.