Jesse Ventura / Howard Stern 2016 Is Your New Presidential Dream Tag Team

It really is never too early to look forward to the 2016 presidential race, if only because it has become a fantasy reference point for when we might have a functioning government again. Hahaha we will never have a functioning government again you guys come one. Right now, though, I’m putting all my money on the rumored Jesse Ventura/Howard Stern ticket, because if nothing else they are for sure going to capture that coveted Older Dude Who Still Rocks Long Hair And Smokes Pot Because Rebel demographic.

Ventura has yammered on about this before, but it sounds like he is finally ready to make his dreams – and all of ours, of course – come true by joining his creepy old man hairstyle with Howard Stern’s creepy old man hairstyle to form a veritable Voltron of ick to run for president.

So what’s the appeal of Radio’s Greatest Monster, or King of All Derp, or whatever Stern calls himself? Sweet, sweet exposure dollars:

“When I ran for governor of Minnesota I had a statewide talk radio show,” Ventura explained. “Well, the FCC made me come off the air, and I went six months without any money or employment to run for governor. You don’t have to come off the air.”

“Because I’m on satellite,” Stern interjected, meaning that he’s no longer operating under FCC jurisdiction.

“We can use this show to win the election,” Ventura boasted triumphantly.

See what I mean? For legions of Stern fans, this will be like a dream come true. Oh, except for the part where Howard is really not that into you, Jesse:

When Stern sidekick Robin Quivers noted that Stern likes Hillary Clinton, Stern said he isn’t committing to voting for the Stern-Ventura ticket if he accepts Ventura’s invitation.

“I don’t know that I would vote for myself and the governor,” Stern said, mocking Ventura’s White House quest. “I don’t know that yet. I have to hear what we all have to say and make a decision.

Good luck resisting the Ventura tide, Howard. Jesse will sue you or sue you or maybe just headlock you or half-nelson you or some other teevee wrestling move.

Jesse will also have to contend with the fact that he may be going up against old pal The Donald:

That would be a fierce race to the bottom for megalomaniacal has-beens who are only running to get attention, now wouldn’t it?

To be fair, as a Minnesota dweller, I have already had the pleasure of being governed by Jesse Ventura. At times, it was as weird and petulant as you’d expect but after Ventura came Timmeh self-given-nickname-T-Paw Pawlenty, and then I longed for the relatively harmless oddity of having wrestlemania governor.

We’ll skip the joke about how a Ventura/Stern presidency couldn’t be worse than Ted Cruz or whoever, only because Ventura has dived deep deep into the pool of conspiracy theory and shows up on Alex Jones’ show on the regular. But hey, still better than Ted Cruz probably maybe yes. Captain Freedom for president!

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  • johnnymeatworth

    Okay, but only if Joaquin Phoenix isn’t running.

  • Curtis Jadwin
  • Distemp

    Yeah, guys…come one!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    What in the fuck was that commercial?

  • notto

    just the quote of “get the fuck out” of the middle east gets my vote!