Once Upon a Time: Swan Song
As a show runner, inevitably, there will come a time in your life when your series is dangling on the precipice of cancellation, your lead actress has just dumped you via Instagram, and seemingly...
TV Show: Once Upon a Time
Once Upon a Time: A Black Fairy Tale
This week on Once, Rumple continues his trend of contemplating doing the right thing for about five seconds, before effing up again. (But hey, major points for character consistency!) Also this week, Captain Hook...
Once Upon a Time: You can’t keep a bad witch down!
Just what Storybrooke needs, another “reformed villain.” The town suddenly seems overrun with them. Jiminey Cricket is going to need to start a new support group soon… maybe even a halfway house. This week...
Once Upon a Time: The Quicker Potion Fixer Upper
There were so many potions used this week on Once to clean up certain dangling plot items, it was hard to keep track of them all. Let’s see, we had: sleeping curse potion, memory...
Once Upon a Time: It’s the FINAL COUNTDOWN!
It’s the end of this show as we know it, folks. The biggest of Big Bads has finally arrived to battle the Save-iest(?) of Saviors! But first, we’ve got some CGI spiders to mutilate,...
Once Upon a Time: Let’s Get Kraken!
This week on Once, Storybrooke finally gets a new bar! Snow White gets wasted! Emma becomes that cliché lady who pours her heart out to a bartender! Aladdin and Jasmine learn that sometimes all...
Once Upon a Time: Good news for bad guys
It’s a great week to be a villain in Storybrooke. This week on Once the writers are handing out happy endings to garbage people, like Oprah Winfrey occasionally hands out cars. Also, if you...
Once Upon a Time: Boys behaving badly
This week on Once, the writers bastardize Beowulf (which, in their defense, couldn’t be made much worse than it already was). Also this week, Rumple tries twice to prevent his kids from becoming assholes...
Once Upon a Time: A not so charming ending
This week on Once, we finally found out who murdered Prince Charming’s dad, and it actually wasn’t who you thought it would be… until it ended up being exactly who you thought it would...
Once Upon a Time: It’s an Alt-World After All
Welcome back to Storybrooke, folks! It’s a magical, mystical land where characters leave, die, and return from the dead, age (or don’t) whenever they feel like, a place from which Continuity and Logic escaped...
Once Upon a Time: Baby mama drama
This week on Once, Belle’s “baby” keeps haunting her dreams, while not so subtly hitting on her, and no one is supposed to think that’s weird. Aladdin becomes a Genie, and moves into a lamp, which I guess beats his prior job of living in a cave and being unemployed.
Once Upon a Time: Stuck in the mirror with you
Last week on Once, while I was in Spain, the Evil Queen cast a curse on Snow White and Prince Charming, so that they could never be awake at the same time. Specifically, every…
Once Upon a Time: The Passion of the Pop-Tart
This week on Once, Captain Hook learns that, contrary to popular belief, the best way to make friends and influence people is not by taking their Pop-Tarts and murdering their dads.
Once Upon a Time: Aladdin and the Temple of Dude
This week on Once, Aladdin lets Jasmine check out his Man Cave. Hook gets crafty with a pair of Emma’s scissors. The Evil Queen and the Wicked Witch get mani/pedis from Goldilocks. And a popular fan theory is swiftly debunked.
Once Upon a Time: Arrested development
This week on Once: The Beast tries to win back Belle’s heart by incarcerating her. (Hey, it worked last time!) Snow White learns that she’s a terrible teacher, when the subject is anything other than making a birdhouse. The Evil Queen’s kryptonite is finally revealed. And yet another sort-of villain is given a hasty partial redemption arc before meeting his untimely demise.
Once Upon a Time: Cinderella, armed and dangerous!
This week on Once, Cinderella goes POSTAL… for a few seconds. Also this week, Hook and Emma get baby fever. Rumpel makes Belle a mix tape. And the Evil Queen comes up with a nefarious scheme… to perfect her adopted son’s bad posture.
Once Upon a Time: Flirting with vengeance
This week on Once, a sex-deprived Evil Queen hits on everyone from a newborn baby to herself. Also, the writers kill another sexy male guest star because, apparently, they hate me.
Once Upon a Time: A little bit un-savior-y
Time to head off on new adventures, battle evil villains, make questionable fashion and hair choices, and egregiously bastardize even more increasingly obscure bedtime stories from your youth.
Once Upon a Time: DIE, MAGIC, DIE! (Season 5 Finale Recap)
The war on magic starts today, folks! Until we decide that we actually like magic. Then, the war on magic ends. And we start a war against something else . . . people with multiple personality disorder, I think. Also, vanilla ice pops. We hate vanilla ice pops!
Once Upon a Time: The Dead Boyfriend's Club (Recap- S5: Ep 21)
You get a Dead Boyfriend! And you get a Dead Boyfriend! And you get a Dead Boyfriend! This week, the writers of Once celebrate Mother’s Day, by murdering a handful of the show’s menfolk. Because, in Storybrook, girls run the world, and boys are just there to look pretty.
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