Let’s All Argue About The True Detective Finale! Ready, Go!

Let's All Argue About The True Detective Finale! Ready, Go! First, let us eat up 55 words here, because some dumb idiots among you will be like “I have not watched the ‘True Detective’ finale yet, because I am a dumb idiot, and please don’t make me see anything about how ‘True Detective’ ended, because I suck.” Are we there yet? Okay!

Second: How many of you wanted “True Detective” to end in the hole, Marty Hart cradling mortally wounded Rust Cohle Ending in his lap, the helicopter above them — but not knowing if they would ever be spotted? Me! I did! We paused the tellyvision and I started listing every jagged ending, and why they were right — Tony’s life ending as the screen goes black in “The Sopranos,” Jim Carrey dying in the sea in The Truman Show. Oh, you didn’t know Jim Carrey died in the sea in The Truman Show? What do you think those stairs were to, dummy? They were the stairway to heaven. Duh. But you didn’t know that, because they DIDN’T EXPLAIN IT. And we get to argue about those endings to this day, since there are still some dumb idiots who insist Tony Soprano didn’t die. (Argue with me! I will explain why you are an idiot!)

The Truman Show (1998)

Let us now talk about some endings that explained every fucking thing at the end, and why they suck.

A.I. Artificial Intelligence. You could have lived without baby Haley Joel Osment being woken from his 700,000-year hope-dream to get the “happy ending” that was one day with a robot designed to look like his 700,000-year-dead mama, right? You understood that in fact the eternal hope that he would one day be reunited with her — a never-ending happiness of looking forward to that glorious day — would have been a far greater gift than the bullshit ersatz mother love the aliens came up with? Fuck Steven Spielberg.

A-I-Artificial-Intelligence

And that should be enough to make you agree with me that pat endings can lick my asshole.

So there we were wishing our ending would remain unsolved, messy, like life is usually unsolved and messy — but goddamn if this fucker Nick Pizzolatto, with a small assist from Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson, didn’t make it beautiful.

It’s no longer a question of who done it, or even whether they’ll get caught, but of how we live in this world. It’s life and grief and some bullshit about the stars, and it’s beautiful. Martin Hart, having learned in the last few episodes how not to be a lazy sack of shit coasting along on Rust’s detectiving, presses for communication and depth and sharing and human connection besides his penis in some slut’s vagina. He’s no longer a failed cop, or a failed person. And here is Rust to stop his dorm room nihilism and explain just why he’s wanted to “tie off” this vacant, empty life for so long. And then they end with the un-Cohlest line in the history of the universe. What was it, tra la la, tomorrow is another day? The sun will come out tomorrow? Whatever the fuck Pollyanna was always saying? The last line got an angry “NOPE” from me. But beautiful.

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  • (((0gham)))

    I dug it. People were getting all up in a tizzy over silly theories about The Yellow King and all that, as if there was some an actual king, or as if ole Cthulhu himself was going to show up and devour them all. I think we’ve been conditioned by lazy writing and tricksy gimicks (like those from Shamalamadingdong), and were expecting some surprise or twist. The finale had a message it didn’t beat you over the head with (well, ok, maybe a little at the end there). I also like that a LOT of questions were left unanswered, but there were hints and outright demonstrations that the whole thing runs much deeper than the spaghetti head monster who likes to make flowers with his half-sister. All those open questions drive the point home: Darkness is everywhere, but there are little specks of light here and there.As for Rust’s transformation into a beautiful butterfly, I’m not sure what I make of that.

  • (((0gham)))

    Also, what was that place at the end? Some old Civil War fort or something? Creepy as hell!

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      • GC1008

        Fort Macomb… earlier it was called Ft. Wood. Built in the 1820s. There was another fort located there prior to that. They won’t open it to the public because of decaying condition, but they won’t save it for historical purposes either. They’re actually letting boats in the adjacent canal destroy it further.

  • borninatrailer

    Completely agree. I’d like to think there wasn’t any goddamn test audience/focus group shenanigans here but I not longer have that level of faith.Oh, and this:”And that should be enough to make you agree with me that pat endings can lick my asshole.“is quite distracting and probably takes the reader out of of article (because they start thinking about licking your asshole, duh).

    • GC1008

      borninatrailer – after stumbling upon and reading this article I can tell you that nothing about this is actually about the article itself. This is all about Miss Rebbecca and “shock value.” We should both leave and go read something written by real writers.

      • borninatrailer

        What the Hell are you babbling about and why are you slagging on Schoenkopf? Eh, nevermind and instead GFY.

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  • Annie Towne

    I was pretty much okay with the ending except that I wanted a real scene between Rust and the Evil Scarred Man. Not one full of explication, but one that was cryptic and scary (scariER) and that implied wheels within wheels, etc. I wanted some glimpse into this guy and his Yellow King obsession, especially once I saw that despite presenting as a simpleton, his house is full of books. I would have loved a shot that included some titles. Also, I wanted him to be a bit realer than just “the bad man”. That in-the-ground fort location was just incredible, though; no complaints about that! And I did love that our guys became brothers after all this.My complaints about the show have to do with the psychology of serial woman-murderers vs. that of serial child abductors/abusers–as in, not the same at all. I felt the writers didn’t really understand any of that. I loved the series of shots of the bayou,, houses, the whole environs, with its implications that there are many other dark and fearsome tales to tell about this place. First rate cinematography throughout the series, for sure. I’m going to watch it all again, binge-style.

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      • Annie Towne

        Yes but, the guys act as though the murder case has been solved when they find the kids. They stop investigating, so I assume the implication is that they considered, at that point, that they were guilty of the women murders too. Which makes no sense, psychologically. That’s my point. It seems weird that, with all the profiling of criminals we do now, they should conclude that two such radically different sets of crimes were committed by the same person(s). But are you saying that Childress and the guys who abducted the children were all in the same cult and divided the victims between them? Childress killed the antler woman from ep 1, right? But why, if he has all this sacred burial ground on his property, did he display that one female? This did not seem likely to me. I am not sure I understand the whole plot of this show. I haz a confusion.

  • gullywompr

    You misunderstand the ending of A.I. Artificial Intelligence. Those weren’t aliens, they were a race of robots that were in search of their long-dead human creators. And the mother wasn’t a robot, she was reanimated flesh. And David finally becoming a Real Boy is a far greater gift than a frozen eternity staring at an out-of-reach Blue Fairy (come on man, even you aren’t that contrary). And it’s not called “asshole licking”, it’s called “making flowers”. QED.

    • rebecca

      You are wrong, wrong, and wrong. As long as he stared at that Blue Fairy, anything was possible. (Hence “hope”) That paltry excuse for mother love was fucking infuriating.

      • gullywompr

        You’re obviously not going to admit your mistake, so we’re just gonna have to wrassle for it. Start eating your wheaties, kiddo.

      • BMW

        He is definitely right about the robots not being aliens, though. The DVD bonus features settled that argument many years ago.

  • Tony did not die at the end of the Sopranos.Chase left it opened ended so they could all do a movie. james later said he’d never do a movie. And only then the idiotic cryptic theories popped up.You’re wrong, lady.