True Detective: Black Maps and Motel Rooms

truedetective_title

FADE IN:

INT. MOTEL ROOM

RACHEL MCADAMS is RECOVERING from what happened at the DECADENT PARTY/ORGY while COLIN FARRELL watches over her.

RACHEL MCADAMS
That was some fucked-up shit back there! Jesus Christ! I almost didn’t make it out of those woods!

COLIN FARRELL
Woods? What are you talking about?

RACHEL MCADAMS
Woods? Who said anything about a sexual trauma from my past? Hahhh, let’s make out!
(starts coming on to Colin)

COLIN FARRELL
Whoa there, are you sure that’s such a wise idea? If you’re looking for support, why don’t I just roll a joint instead?

RACHEL MCADAMS
Well, I’m already dating Taylor Kitsch in real life, so we might as well.

COLIN FARRELL
Ah, Taylor! I think I’ll go check on him!

COLIN goes to the OTHER ROOM, where TAYLOR is going over the DOCUMENTS he stole.

TAYLOR KITSCH
Check it out, there’s a bunch of tax statements about holding companies and land parcels here! Get this, they’ve got SIGNATURES on them!

COLIN FARRELL
Do the documents include a reason to care about any of this?

TAYLOR KITSCH
No, but I’ll keep looking.

TRUE DETECTIVE: Black Maps and Motel Rooms

“Page 5 of 63? Aw maaaan!”

TAYLOR suddenly gets a TEXT with PHOTOS of his night with GABRIEL LUNA.

TAYLOR KITSCH
Eep! Uhh, I gotta go and stuff.

COLIN FARRELL
Yeah, I have somewhere to be as well. Hey, Rachel, are you going to be okay on your own?

RACHEL MCADAMS
(shaking like a leaf)
Sure, I am a strong and independent woman who does not need a man!

INT. MOTEL ROOM, BUT, LIKE, A DIFFERENT ONE

TAYLOR is dropping off ADRIA ARJONA and LOLITA DAVIDOVICH at a MOTEL.

ADRIA ARJONA
Are you sure it’s such a good idea to put me up in a hotel room with your mother? That’s a recipe for disaster right there.

LOLITA DAVIDOVICH
Adria makes a good point, even though I hate to admit that, since she represents how you’re THROWING YOUR LIFE AWAY!

ADRIA ARJONA
See what I mean?

TAYLOR KITSCH
It’s only for a little while, okay? Don’t answer the door or the phone if it isn’t me.

ADRIA ARJONA
How will we know it’s you on the phone unless we answer it, genius?

TAYLOR KITSCH
Okay fine, I won’t call you then. I should stop phoning it in anyway.

INT. VINCE VAUGHN’S CASINO

VINCE VAUGHN is at his CASINO, where he’s playing a game of BLACKJACK on his own.

VINCE VAUGHN
Oh I get it! I’m fighting invisible opponents! How silly of me to think I’d be doing something that wasn’t an oblique metaphor for my predicaments.

KELLY REILLY
In keeping with the gambling metaphors, why don’t we just walk away from the table with what we still have right now?

VINCE VAUGHN
And do what? Should I go and manage an Applebee’s?

KELLY REILLY
Actually no, that sounds like a pitch for another one of your shitty dime-a-dozen comedies.

caption

“Not a bad idea! I could play the slobbish but likeable manager of an Applebee’s who has to compete with an Olive Garden run by Owen Wilson!”

KELLY leaves when COLIN walks in.

COLIN FARRELL
Huh, feels kinda weird meeting you without Lera Lynn being all bleak in the background.

VINCE VAUGHN
Just tell me what you’ve found out.

COLIN FARRELL
I could go into the specifics of it all, but I think neither you nor the viewers want me to do that. Let me bottomline it for you this way: pretty much everyone who isn’t one of the four protagonists is involved in the conspiracy. I’m not even exaggerating.

VINCE VAUGHN
You can show yourself out now. I need to destroy part of this blackjack table in a fit of rage and simultaneously foreshadow what I’ll be doing to this entire casino later.

INT. MOTEL ROOM

RACHEL is speaking with MIRANDA RAE MAYO, the GIRL she rescued from the PARTY.

RACHEL MCADAMS
What can you tell me about these parties that hasn’t already been reiterated six times over?

MIRANDA RAE MAYO
They were being organised by the mayor’s son, Vinicius Machado.

RACHEL MCADAMS
We’ve covered that. Anything else?

MIRANDA RAE MAYO
There’s a whole bunch of other stuff about an escort girl who’s only been referred to so far and how those diamonds tangentially fit into everything, but whatever. Look, I didn’t need any rescuing, alright? I had a good thing going! Selling my body to people who’d slice my throat because it’s a Tuesday? What’s not to like?

RACHEL MCADAMS
Oh please. Maybe, just maybe, you were meant for something more than fucking?

MIRANDA RAE MAYO
Everything is fucking.

RACHEL MCADAMS
Really? Is that the big life lesson Nic Pizzolatto wants us to take away from all this? “Everything is fucking?” We are miles away from “Time is a flat circle” here!

INT. VINCE VAUGHN’S CASINO

VINCE has asked CHRISTOPHER JAMES BAKER to drop by his OFFICE.

VINCE VAUGHN
Sit down, Christopher. Are you ready for another one of my fortune cookie aphorisms, because I’ve got a doozy regarding you and the girls you’ve been running!
(clears throat)
A whore can still have integrity, but a pimp can’t.

CHRISTOPHER JAMES BAKER
Am I being promoted?

VINCE VAUGHN
No, see, this is me saying you don’t have any integrity, you complete moron. Hang on, let me be as clear as this glass I’m holding in my hand!

caption

“Huh. Let me ponder that one for a bit.”

VINCE smashes his GLASS OF SCOTCH across CHRISTOPHER’S FACE.

CHRISTOPHER JAMES BAKER
Agh! My face! My beautiful face!

VINCE VAUGHN
What have you been up to? Spill it, like I spilled that scotch just now!

CHRISTOPHER JAMES BAKER
I’ve been working with Timothy V. Murphy to fuck you out of that railway deal and also I’ve been running Eastern European girls with him and Rick Springfield and although we didn’t kill the city manager he was always going to screw you over and Vinicius Machado is involved here and there and also I like to wear ladies underwear sometimes!

VINCE VAUGHN
Well, that was comprehensive. While we’re at it, who was the guy you pinned as the rapist of Colin’s wife?

CHRISTOPHER JAMES BAKER
Just some nobody who was coming after me! I saw an opportunity to get him off my back and kiss your ass at the same time!

VINCE VAUGHN
Right. Anything else? Now that I have you up against the wall?

CHRISTOPHER JAMES BAKER
Oh yeah, all the money you lost is changing hands at Jon Lindstrom’s ranch tomorrow! If you let me live, I can be your guy on the inside!

VINCE VAUGHN
Fuck that. You know what they say, date a cheater and you get cheated!

VINCE pulls out a GUN and SHOOTS CHRISTOPHER in the STOMACH.

CHRISTOPHER JAMES BAKER
Agh! My stomach! My beautiful stomach!

VINCE VAUGHN
There. Now, just like this season’s plot, you can die a slow and agonising death.
(stares into the camera)
How do you like that metaphor?

EXT. MOTEL

RACHEL is meeting with her dad DAVID MORSE outside the MOTEL.

DAVID MORSE
To cut all this meandering dialogue short, I’ll be speaking in fragments for a bit.
(beat)
Those people. The ones involved in all this. Knew some of them. From the commune. Only vague memories. Faces lost. So many regrets.

caption

“Like tears. In rain.”

RACHEL MCADAMS
Right, that pretty much covers your tentative ties to the plot, such as it is. Your presence is pretty superfluous, don’t you think? Feels more like Nic Pizzolatto had an axe to grind with New Age hippies by portraying you as a pseudo-intellectual hypocrite.

DAVID MORSE
That’s it? You’re saying I didn’t help with your characterisation?

RACHEL MCADAMS
Not really, since the writing seemed to double and even triple down on hammering all of that home.

DAVID MORSE
How about I mention something about my father, who was a harsh man?

RACHEL MCADAMS
We have more than enough on the fatherhood theme, thank you very much.

DAVID MORSE
(sighs)
How about I just fuck off then? I’ll take your sister with me.

RACHEL MCADAMS
I think that would be best.

INT. MOTEL ROOM

COLIN, RACHEL and TAYLOR have regrouped in the MOTEL ROOM.

COLIN FARRELL
So I went to see Michael Hyatt to turn over all the evidence we’ve gathered. I’ll give you three guesses what happened, but you’re only gonna need one.

RACHEL MCADAMS
They killed her and framed you for it?

COLIN FARRELL
Give the lady a prize!

TAYLOR KITSCH
Great, she was our only cover. Now what do we do?

RACHEL MCADAMS
How about we go over the case again and see if we can come up with a new angle?

COLIN FARRELL
Seriously? This is the second-to-last episode! Are we still going to lay down exposition and backstories?

TAYLOR KITSCH
I’m sorry, but yes. I’ve discovered that everything started with a jewelry store robbery in 1992, which orphaned the two kids of the owners. Turns out the city manager was working at the police station at that time, which means he covered it up alongside the other police officers, who —

COLIN FARRELL
Stop. Please, just fucking stop! I’m begging you, skip forward to our eureka moment!

RACHEL MCADAMS
(looks at a photo)
Oh my God! One of the orphans from that jewelry store robbery grew up to be Courtney Halverson, who was very briefly introduced as the city manager’s assistant! She was also spotted at some of those escort parties! Maybe she was out for revenge?

COLIN FARRELL
I didn’t say you could introduce a whole second conspiracy on top of the one we’re already trying to unravel!

caption

“Fuck this, cut to the next scene.”

INT. VINCE VAUGHN’S CASINO

MAYOR RITCHIE COSTER is getting HAMMERED in the bar of VINCE VAUGHN’S CASINO.

VINCE VAUGHN
Ritchie, get out of here. You’re not stealing the scene from me again!

RITCHIE COSTER
You don’t talk to me that way! I’m part of a political dynasty! Like the Kennedys. Now I’m going to ask this prostitute to cup my balls.

VINCE VAUGHN
Ack, you’re doing it again! GET THE FUCK OUT!

RITCHIE relents and exits as TIMOTHY V. MURPHY walks up to VINCE.

TIMOTHY V. MURPHY
Vince, I vish to haf conversation vit you.

VINCE VAUGHN
What do you want?

TIMOTHY V. MURPHY
Ve haf bought the casino and the club. At first ve vere going to kill you, but den I say nyet. You can come on payroll! Manage casino and club if you vant.

VINCE VAUGHN
Okay, sure.

TIMOTHY V. MURPHY
You are taking dis very vell, Vince! Perhaps I did not need to bring this five meatheads vit me for to intimidate you.

VINCE VAUGHN
Hey, I’m an agreeable guy!

Once TIMOTHY and his MEATHEADS leave, VINCE decides to BURN DOWN THE CASINO AND THE CLUB.

VINCE VAUGHN
So very agreeable.

EXT. TUNNEL ENTRANCE

TAYLOR meets with THE MAN WHO SENT HIM THE PHOTOS, who turns out to be GABRIEL LUNA.

TAYLOR KITSCH
Gabriel? You fucked me both literally and figuratively? Man, Colin wasn’t kidding when he said everyone who isn’t one of the four protagonists is involved in the conspiracy.

GABRIEL LUNA
You could have avoided all of this if you had just been true to yourself, Taylor.

TAYLOR KITSCH
Oh yes, this is the perfect time to take a poke at my sexuality! Maybe it’s for the best, because if you couldn’t leverage that, you might’ve gone after Adria.

GABRIEL LUNA
Come on, time to meet my boss.

GABRIEL takes TAYLOR down into a TUNNEL, where AFEMO OMILAMI and a COUPLE OF EX-MILITARY GOONS are waiting.

caption

“I am so deliciously evil, bwa ha ha!”

AFEMO OMILAMI
Did you know that these tunnels run underneath the entire city? Not a lot of people know that! Anyways, enough pointless facts. We want the documents you stole from the party, Taylor.

TAYLOR KITSCH
Tsk, wouldn’t you know, I don’t have them on me. Colin has them, so why don’t I give him a little ring and set up a meeting? As long as I can walk away with the pictures.

AFEMO OMILAMI
You’re being suspiciously cooperative right now.

TAYLOR KITSCH
Colin and Rachel don’t mean shit to me! I know it seems like I’m putting on a show, but there’s really been very little chemistry between us!

AFEMO OMILAMI
I can’t argue with that. Fine, give him a call.

TAYLOR KITSCH
I can’t get any service down here. See for yourself, no bars.

AFEMO stupidly leans over to LOOK AT TAYLOR’S PHONE and of course GETS OVERPOWERED.

TAYLOR KITSCH
You guys are in so much trouble! Action scenes are about the only thing I excel at!

TAYLOR knocks out AFEMO and then KILLS GABRIEL and the other GOONS.

TAYLOR KITSCH
Did not know who they were fuckin’ with.

INT. MOTEL ROOM

COLIN and RACHEL are trying to OUTDO EACH OTHER in the HOW-BROKEN-AM-I DEPARTMENT.

COLIN FARRELL
Let’s see. Raging alcoholic, rampant substance abuse in general, temper issues, fractured family, in the pocket of a career criminal, and a dark turning point I don’t want to elaborate on just yet.

RACHEL MCADAMS
Gambling AND alcohol issues, unresolved childhood trauma, family problems, one failed marriage, and also a dark turning point that I’m keeping to myself for now.

COLIN FARRELL
Okay fine, we’re both emotionally constipated bundles of issues.

RACHEL MCADAMS
Now that we have reached this mutual understanding, maybe we can seal it by trying to hook up again?

COLIN FARRELL
Yeah sure.

RACHEL MCADAMS
Fair warning though, I’ve apparently got a couple of vague sex kinks!

They BANG.

EXT. TUNNEL ENTRANCE

TAYLOR has escaped the TUNNELS and emerges on a STREET, but JAMES FRAIN is there to AMBUSH HIM. YES, JAMES FUCKING FRAIN IS EVIL. DID YOU REALLY EXPECT ANY DIFFERENT?

caption

“Didn’t they ever teach you to check your corners?”

JAMES FRAIN
Peekaboo!
(shoots Taylor in the chest)

TAYLOR KITSCH
Ow! I should’ve known! This penultimate episode just had to go out with a kick in the teeth!

JAMES FRAIN
A kick in the teeth? Get over yourself! You’ve basically been a glorified stand-in for Colin and Rachel!

TAYLOR KITSCH
Fuck you!

JAMES finishes off TAYLOR with a SHOT to the HEAD. At the SAME TIME, ADRIA ARJONA gently starts WEEPING in her MOTEL ROOM.

JAMES FRAIN
Seriously? You’re doing that whole special psychic connection thing? Laaaame!

FADE OUT

TV Show: True Detective

You may also like...