Three Statues Worse Than Aberdeen, Washington’s New ‘Kurt Cobain Jesus’

Three Statues Worse Than Aberdeen, Washington's New 'Kurt Cobain Jesus'

Here is a beyooooootiful statue that the town of Aberdeen, Washington, unveiled as part of its Feb. 20 hometown-boy-made-dead “Kurt Cobain Day” celebration. Look at that dumb, vagina-faced, crying Cobain weeping salty Jesus tears! Local “sculptor” Randi Hubbard, your statue is bad, and you should feel bad! Wait, what’s this?

Hubbard, a former truck driver, began building the statue from concrete, pipes and other materials shortly after Cobain’s death in 1994, since when it has been on display at her retail business, Hubb’s Muffler Shop. Cobain’s grandfather reportedly visited the shop frequently to witness its construction.

Nevermind.

Now that we know that Hubbard’s heretical Kurt Cobain Jesus statue is unambiguously AWESOME, let’s find some other statues of beloved entertainers and folks for us to laugh at and/or cower from!

marilyn monroe statue

This. This Marilyn Monroe statue in Palm Springs is awful. You maybe can’t tell from this picture, which tarts it up pretty nice, but in person, the 26-foot-tall monster’s face is all weird and creepy, and getting to stand under her beaver is just fucking rude. Here, let’s look at it from a different angle!

monroe-back

Fuckin’ classy dudes.

fonzie

This Fonzie statue needs to be stolen by copper thieves and melted for scrap. Henry Winkler is LITERALLY the world’s nicest man — we interviewed him once, and after we squealed like an idiot for about 10 minutes, he did not even shame us! And this is the thanks he gets? This terrifying Terminator 2 murderer robot man?

pat tillman

What the fuck is even going on here? Did Pat Tillman run from his sportsball game at whatever corporately named arena the Arizona Cardinals play in straight into friendly fire in Afghanistan? WHY IS HIS HEAD ON FIRE. SOMEONE PUT HIM OUT.

Add your most worstest terrible statues in the comments. Winner gets “nothing.”

[Independent, via Spin]

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  • QHarp

    The Nathan Bedford Forrest statue on the I-65 outside of Nashville. Because first, it’s a statue of the guy who founded the Klan (I’m told it’s on private property) and second because, well, look: http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/EXID23533/images/Nathan_Bedford_Forrest.jpg Magical.

    • Deleted

      This post was deleted.

    • Rabbit_Rebozo

      Well, that just cost me half an hour of productivity.

  • iyamtoo

    This is why we can’t have nice things.

  • devo-T

    Oh dear God. Bronze must be a bitch to work with, because that one of the Fonz is straight-up grotesque.

    • iyamtoo

      Completely agree, I can’t stop looking, but I hate myself and it every time.

  • KendallMcK

    I’m pretty impressed with the slight cellulite/skin imperfection detail on MM’s stems. Those are some very realistic, curvy-woman thighs. Not classy, but definitely accurate!

  • WA Bishop

    My hometown-of-long-ago won the civic artwork Turd in the Square award three years running back in 1978 with this gem:http://www.kitchenerpost.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/AporiaWEB.jpgIn addition to looking like an actual turd, it has also been compared to a section of discarded intestine or two folks caught in flagrante delicto.http://waterlooinsider.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/img_60591.jpg

  • msanthropesmr

    My vote for worst statue(s) are the statues of Confederate generals along Monument avenue in Richmond, Virginia. You fucking lost. Get over it.

  • Deborah Tinsley

    Each one has it’s own special horror.

  • bobbert

    This isn’t grotesque, but it’s terribly generic. And it was kind of sad, the one time I saw it in 2002, because Winslow was practically a ghost town. I had been through Winslow several times in the late sixties, when it was still Route 66. What a difference a bypass makes.Btw, this is bobbert.

  • Yep.

    The Tillman one – What the fuck. I imagine some patriotic-minded committee was formed (The Committee On Football And Giving Your Life For Apple Pie And Truck Nutz Fuck Yeah), and when it came down to it, all six of the Nice Conservative Church-Going Business Pillars Of The Community looked at each other and said “I don’t like it, but it’s probably one of them artsy fartsy things, and we do not know about artsy fartsy things, and therefore we will keep our mouths shut except to celebrate it and ourselves publicly, and if a mean artsy fartsy critic in the local paper makes fun of it we will rally around the awful statue and say “You just don’t get artsy fartsy stuff and you’re probably an unamerican french frog person!”” The End.

  • Audrey

    Mr. Rogers, Pittsburgh PA

    • rebecca

      thank you for your service.

  • Buffy’s Blog

    San Franciscans like to bash the George Moscone bust by Robert Arneson with the weird smile and the graffiti on the column… http://www.sfgate.com/art/article/SFMOMA-to-display-divisive-George-Moscone-bust-3601068.php#photo-3010023

  • I always thought the JFK bust at the Kennedy Center looked like it was molded from feces: