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VIDEO: The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

It’s finally here! Mendo’s long awaited Requested Review of The Sword and the Sorcerer! Oh, and free tip for anyone else who wants to request a review: Don’t pick a movie that makes Mendo say to himself, “Well, I don’t think many people have heard of this movie, so I should spend several months hyping it up so the person who donated it gets the most for their money,” because that just puts a lot of pressure on Mendo to do a much better review than the normal crap he spews out, none of which is helped by the huge psychological build-up of angst that the prospect of simply watching the film brings on. Especially when the film is no prize to begin with. It makes him cry. Stay tuned for a special guest appearance by someone you just might recognize if you frequent any other video sites… which, of course, you don’t, because you’re a good boy and/or girl!

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  • Richard Eriksson Hjelm

    This movie was supposed to be historical? I could’ve sworn it was just coincidenses.

    • I don’t think so. It’s a not uncommon practice in movies like this to throw in a few historical terms, like place names or currency, for a bit of dubious verisimilitude which just creates a troubling disconnect for anyone who, unlike the writers, actually knows what the words mean.

  • MichaelANovelli

    So, this is up, finally…

    I can start sleeping again…

    • FullofQuestions1

      Indeed. This is great, but I started worrying for your health and sanity after a while.

  • Zorha

    Oh Manimal. The 80’s TV show that eats like a meal!

    • MichaelANovelli

      I knew I recognized him from somewhere. I thought it was Scarecrow & Mrs. King for a second…

  • gasmaskangel

    Yeah I’ve got send you that copy of Where the Dead Go to Die. Because your suffering amuses me.

    • MichaelANovelli

      That reminds me, I still need to review Japanese Hell…

    • MichaelANovelli

      Well, I reviewed Japanese Hell. Do your worst, sir!

  • Jay_Bay

    Somewhere around in this review -ahem- DAT ASS!

    Also, I remember this movie. When I was younger, the local FOX affiliate play a bunch of fantasy movies for a month (usually in March). The Conan movies, Willow, and this movie were in high rotation for that month. I remember liking this movie above the rest shown…..WTF was I thinking.

  • The_Stig

    I remember seeing this movie and wishing Vermithrax Pejorative would show up and strafe-roast everybody. And Jesus H. Christ, my back hurts just looking at that damn sword. Let’s just say the Glaive it ain’t.

  • Nancytweetstv

    You did a good job. Next time I won’t give you something so….uh undescribably bad. (chris jericho stole all the lite-brites!)

    • MichaelANovelli

      So, instead, you sent me American Psycho 2… Right…

  • $36060516

    Is the movie about the Queen, or is she a side character who briefly appears? If the latter, it seems unreasonable to attack the film for not assigning her motivations other than her concern for her children, particularly in a film set in a historical period when women had a highly constrained cultural role. Was this action adventure film supposed to take a detour to show that despite the subjugation of women in a patriarchy the hero’s mother had a deep inner life?

    • MichaelANovelli

      Realistically, perhaps not, but the sexism did get a little distracting, especially when most of it didn’t really need to be there, story-wise.

      • $36060516

        Yeah, I agree with you two on that (judging only by what I saw in the review, haven’t seen the film). Was just in an extra nitpicky mood and you got to “enjoy” the results!

    • Jason Withrow

      It’s not a problem that she’s THERE, it’s a problem that she’s the only other option provided.

  • danbreunig

    Finally–yes, Mr. Mendo, you finally did what I hoped you would do…
    *You played the boobs clip again!*
    Oh yeah, and you got around to reviewing The Sword & The Sorcerer too….

    I saw this movie only once, and that was in the 90s at some point, and what’s amazing to me is how much of it I can really remember. At the time I thought this was a fairly decent film, but what I didn’t realize then was this was purely a 1982 product, when early 80s sword & sorcery fantasy was all the rage courtesy of Conan. And Thundarr, Yor, Blackstar, Wizards & Warriors, HeMan, animated D&D, other Conan.

    So TS&TS was simply a bandwagon movie which suffered from getting lost in the fold. But it’s a lackluster film with plenty of specifics I can’t shake. Among them the slave girl whose weapon of choice is crotchkissing–would’ve been funny or even more dramatic/ironic if she did it to the sorcerer in the end just that once, but by then it was the third time and already quickly wore out. A cheap copout of a goon knocking himself out by running into a wall, a gladiator-style guard very cleanly vertically sliced in two, that 5-in-one sword with no name (the real hero of the movie!), a too-easy-to-escape crucifixion, and maybe the best MST3K-style moment–a guard leans over a pedal-powered grindstone while sharpening his blade, and then the hero kills him by slowly pushing the guard’s head down into the spinning grindstone WHILE HE DOESN’T STOP PEDALING IT.

    But if there’s a movie worthy of a Hack Attack, why not this? Another job well done, Mr. Mendo, and welcome back, Sir!. [offering a donut]

  • MichaelANovelli

    I must say, it was really nice of The Man From Another Place to do a cameo!

    • LindaMinda

      When will we have That Other Man From That Other Place?
      And are we going to be partnering with them one day? We should if we want a larger audience.

  • Spaceman Spiff

    Ok, who DIDN’T put that sword into their D&D campaign after seeing this movie back in the day?

    • MichaelANovelli

      Not I. If I were the D&D sort, I’d go for a gunblade!

  • Jonathan Middleton

    Look can the guy doing the interrupting shut the hell up

    • MichaelANovelli

      But she’s so much smarter than me, though… ^_^

  • MichaelANovelli

    Well, IMDB says Reb Brown is in this movie, somewhere, but I don’t remember seeing him.