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VIDEO: Avengers XXX: A Porn Parody (2012)

It’s the Agony Booth debut of the Porn Critic, the internet review show that completely ignores all the sex and nudity in pornos, and instead points out all the plot holes and continuity errors! And what better way to start things off than with the biggest film of the summer, or rather, the porn parody of it? Yes, it’s Avengers XXX, Vivid’s sex-filled version of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, starring Dale DaBone as Iron Man, Brooklyn Lee as the Black Widow, ex-wrestler Chyna as She-Hulk, and many others, in a movie that strangely enough includes way more Marvel characters than the actual Avengers movie.

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  • Liam Barrett

    Fuck yes.

  • MichaelANovelli

    That.  Was.  EPIC!

  • Russell Brin (Facebook sux)

    Powergirls looks fantastic!  And Porn Critic, that’s an interesting addition to the site.  It reminds me of Beat the Geek, one of the best game shows of all time.  I’d love to be a GI Joe specialist on this site but I’m too ugly to be on camera, but I like the diversity of the contributors and every recap is very well done, so its a site that is awesomesauce 😀

    • MichaelANovelli

      Too ugly to be on camera?  Just add expensive sunglasses!
      How to review: the Mendo way!

      • Russell Brin (Facebook sux)

        Also having a great catchphrase might help…like in Red Dawn “Wolverines!!!!!11!!!!!” that would distract people I’m sure….

        • MichaelANovelli

          Go for it!

  • Sofie Liv

    Yayness, I could litterately feel the quality of Agony Booth rising a nodge there.
    I really enjoyed this, it was a great video and wauw… great looking porn “power girls.” I mean, never ever watched a porn myself but even I can tell it looks like fun.

    I also adore the fact that at this rate if we would ever have an Agony Booth meet up, to hold it in Britten rather than the US would financially make more sense.. this place is being invaded by brits. And me like, we are neighbours you know. So yeah guys, if you ever decide to have a meet up over there at the great island, remember to give a call i’ll be sure to be there. (in other words, screw Magfest lets make our own party where you wont have to travel that far.)

    • Russell Brin (Facebook sux)

      But then you wouldn’t get to see Mendo, Cecil or Full of Questions…and they seem cool…and Renegado also!  Yes that was a sad attempt to rhyme Mendo with Also I’ll go back to my non-Bat Cave now.

      • Sofie Liv

        I am just starting getting tired of ALL of my fellow net reviewers talking “Magfest.” all of the time, and I mean all of the time. And I can’t come because it’s so darn bloody far away, I simply don’t have the money.
        Britten how-ever, again neighbour country, I can deal with that. It just suits my own needs a lot better. And Mendo has stated he’ll probably be at Magfest next January so you can go meet him there -_-;
        Maybe one or two other US boothers will be there, who knows?

        (yes I would love to be at Magfest, I just can’t because of finances.. now is even worse as my computer broke sending me into a slight debt to get a new one… this is also why there wont be any new episodes from me this month.. sigh..)

        • Yeah, there’s plenty of stuff to come to here!

        • Russell Brin (Facebook sux)

          Well don’t be too sad I will never go to Magfest either, because of work commitments and it’s bloody far away as well!  Even with two jobs I always have to work so the Agony Booth is a nice diversion from reality and everyone on this site provides good entertainment. 😀

          Keep making good videos, am sad that you had to get a new computer that put you into more debt, my computer is turning five years old and is kind of showing its age with the constant updates…but always enjoy all the the recaps you and everyone everyone else do here 🙂

          • Sofie Liv

            My computer is a mac and only two years old D:

            This is but a set-back though, as I told every-body else. I will be back before you know it.. sigh, than goodness for smart-phones.

            Thank you, I enjoy being here and am only very happy that I am able to entertain 🙂

          • Russell Brin (Facebook sux)

            This is a great site, and it’s nice to have contributors reply to comments too often that doesn’t happen especially if the comment is negative.  The interaction is what sets this apart from competing sites that also do the same kind of provision (won’t name them because damnit, the Agony Booth is the best!)

          • MichaelANovelli

            That’s just us.  We’re a class act!

          • Sofie Liv

            I wonder if people realise the reason we have such an easy time responding is because we are lucky to get fiteen comments on one video…

            See, if you only get one or five comments, its easy and very enjoyable to answer to all of them. That would be our site.

            If you get a hundred comments, like the top TGWTG people you can’t possible answer to all of them so erh.. if I had as many comments as Linkara I would probably read them but I wouldn’t answer all of them, how then would I ever get time to make more videos?

            So yeah.. if this site is going to grow the way we wish and hope for. (and why shouldn’t it when such bigs talent keeps coming with us un-board.) we wont always be able to answer all of you.

            But for now it’s a lot of fun. And I am happy to have this time to interact, listen and consider every-body and grow based on feed-back 🙂

    • Don’t forget your British fans as well as your colleagues too. Some say other countries are being ‘Americanised’, this site is being ‘Eurofied’ and I couldn’t be happier. 😀

      Likesay, there are British cons in the future so the options are there once money is less of an issue (which it ceases to be for a lot of us sadly). For now though, roll on The Power Girls!

      • Sofie Liv

        We seriously need to start making events out in the real world to raise awareness of the site. And I still say cons are the way. So yeah, keep a watch out for us, if I am having any say it’s going to happen.

  • Peter Deadman

    This was fantastic.

  • The_Stig

    WTF? 

    No really. WTF? A PORN reviewer? But seriously, that’s….interesting. I don’t know what to make of the subject matter but the show’s quite well done. You’re telegenic, the production values are as good as you can possibly ask for and on top of it, you look like David Tennant.

    Oh, and the Ghostbusters skit was gratuitous, unnecessary and totally awesome.

    • Liam Barrett

      Wait until you see his review of Porno Ghostbusters. I’m completely serious.

      • The_Stig

        That’s the problem. I CAN’T wait for his review of Porno Ghostbusters! Bring it on! 

  • Voyagrvi

    Ditto on the David Tennant lookalike thing…by way of John Oliver.  Nicely done review.  It strikes me that well-made porn like this is actually LESS misogynistic than, say, Keeping Up With The Kardashians or the quasi-racist Australian-based Kiwi public money vortex known as The GC.  I recall Lenny Bruce’s opinion on porn v. a certain religious book to give this opinion some sort of hipster cred.

  • Why is the Ethan Mars theme from Heavy Rain in the background at the end of that porno? I guess it was because they couldn’t afford Requiem for a Dream so they decided to go with the knock-off of it. I do like the knock-off but it does seem like the poor-man’s version of it.

  • Grumpypants

    Kids today have no idea about good porn superhero parodies… grumble… back in my day we had Dickman And Throbbin!   The girls were hot, the wads were huge and the plot was semi-existent!  That’s how we liked it!  You kids, get off my lawn!!

  • edharris1178

    Very funny review, I especially got a kick out of the random Daredevil cameo.

  • Woo hoo! Thanks for all the positive comments guys and gals! If you keep watching, I’ll keep making them! 

    • MichaelANovelli

      You damn well better.  😉

      • Russell Brin (Facebook sux)

        Nothing makes a recap site better than reviewing porn.  True class 🙂

    • slxslippy

       the whole review was brilliant. despite at least one earlier comment, the chyna (and chyna-induced vomiting) and the action figure porn were magnificent and easily my favorite bits. I clicked on your name hoping for more reviews like this, and discovered this was your first. my only disappointment comes from your name, which implies you will only be reviewing porn. i’d like to see you review all movies. ALL movies 😀

  • Bouncy X

    Chyna does porn now? well color me curious…..a googling i will go.  lol

    • MichaelANovelli

      You’ve never heard of One Night In Chyna?

      • Liam Barrett

        There’s also her most recent epic- BACKDOOR INTO CHYNA.

        It’s exactly what you think it is.

      • Or as it’s also known “X Pac in Heat”

      • Bouncy X

        that was just personal home video stuff. i didnt realize she went into actual porn. i mean i know her wrestling career died but damn….though it does pay well so good for her if she enjoys it. i imagine some of her male co-stars enjoy the idea of doing a wrestler. lol

        • MichaelANovelli

          I certainly wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers.  🙂

  • Cecil_Trachenburg

    Tremendous debut. (well, your debut here, I know you’ve been doing these a while)

    Good lord I knew about One night in Chyna but I didn’t know she went there full on as a career. Ugh. Why couldn’t Stacy Keebler or someone I would like to see naked go that route?

    This movie somehow outdid almost every other superhero movie ever made.

  • Zero_miles_per_hour

    it may be the dulcet british accent but that action figure porno at the end there sounds exactly like burnt face man.

  • Peter Deadman

    You really do have an uncanny resemblance to David Tennant…which makes this all the more amusing…and awesome. Great work again!

    •  You have no idea how much I’ve had that these past few weeks for some reason. It’s usually because of my awesome hair. I’m surprised I still look like him with the side parting!

  • John Sco

    HAAAAHAHAHAHA, oh man, that puking scene was one of the best things I’ve seen all week. And the action figure theater thing you did was pure gold. I about pee’d myself when Jenine fell over the railing. *laughs* That whole scene was so messed up. I’m definitely going to be checking out more of your videos.

  •  I could have done without both scenes. The puking gag went on way too long (also: eew!), as did the action figure theater, and it wasn’t really funny, just childish. *shrug*

    Anyway, the review was otherwise fine, shame that the movie itself is so mediocre-

  • What a disappointingly boring movie, to judge by the review. Shouldn’t a porn movie try to cast actors who, you know, actually look hot? What the hell? Who cast that middle-aged pudgy guy as Hawkeye? The USA is full of porn actors, how hard can it be to find some medium-sized guy with muscular arms and a crewcut who can convincingly play an archer? (It’s not as if he actually has to shoot the bow.) And… no Loki? WTF?

    As far as porn parodies go, Avengers if crying out for a gay porn spoof version. There’s enough slash fiction out there already.

    As for the lack of a real plot, I don’t get why they seem to have had such trouble. Just as in Michael Bay movies the plot is only an excuse to get from one explosive action scene to the next,  in porn movies the plot only exists to get to the next sex scenes. An Avengers spoof? It practically writes itself! In fact, I came up with a plot for one (which is also closer to the actual movie being spoofed) in under five minutes! Here it is:

    Loki comes to Earth, carrying a suspiciously phallic looking Staff of Power. Anyone touched by the staff (on the crotch, of course!) turns into a sex-crazed maniac. Loki’s plan is to neutralize Earth’s superheroes by turning the Avengers Initiative into a big gang-bang. Soon, everyone is doing the horizontal mambo.

    Add in Loki being a shapeshifter who can look like anyone and turn into a woman, and you can see where this is going. The mythological Loki from the Norse Edda was a shapeshifter, there are many stories where he disguises himself as a woman or takes the shape of various animals. Loki even gave birth to Odin’s horse while he was a female horse! Not to mention the Loki in the Edda was famous for being cunning with his tongue (*cough*) and bedded many of Asgard’s goddesses.

    Heck, you could even work in the old joke (again from the Edda) that Thor’s hammer has a handle that is far too short, but grows longer if he rubs it. (I’m not making this up. Honestly.)

    Add she-Hulk to the cast, as this movie does, and in the end have Loki’s stamina be defeated by she-Hulk’s mighty, um, strength. Heck, give Odin a cameo, have him offer she-Hulk the honour to join the ranks of the Valkyries in Asgard! 😛

    • CDiehl

      I think the problem you have with this movie comes from it not really being made for you. Most adult films are made to appeal to straight men, so what the male cast members look like is irrelevant. Also, male porn actors are hired based on the ability to get an erection quickly and keep it for a long time. That counts for a lot more than looks, since there are few men who can do that.

    • Kiwi

      Um, hi, just trawling the archives here. stopped to say that if you haven’t written this as a full story, I will make it my mission to find someone who will.

  • Pfff…they could have done so much better with this movie, I guess I’ll just get that movie promoted at the end 😉

  • TheCrazyFish

    I love this movie’s interpretation of the characters, personally.

    I mean, sure, I thought Hawkeye was great as the career soldier who gets betrayed and dicked over as part of a covert op and tries to continue fighting evil on his own terms, but wouldn’t he be so much better if we took out all of that interesting stuff and just made him a chubby, stupid asshole?

    And yes, I also thought that The Hulk was interesting as the screaming green monster that punches things, but I can definitely get used to the idea of him as a normal-sized guy with green paint on his face who does the Thinker pose in the desert and is pointedly non-violent.

    And instead of having Captain America have been frozen in ice, isn’t it way more interesting to think he just took a 60 year long nap behind some plexiglass?

    And Iron Man! …okay, I got no complaints about him. He takes naps in his suit during missions while Jarvis does everything for him. That’s exactly the sort of thing I’d expect from Stark.

  • Alexa

    Wow that was hilarious. Sure I felt that the Chyna comment, and subsequent vomiting was a bit much. But you won me over with action figure porn, even if you went a little over board at the end, it still had me laughing and crying. 

  • Jon Preiss1

    Too much vomit.

    • The_Stig

      Let’s be honest, there’s no such thing as too much vomit.

  • Amazing. 

  • Ryn Rossiter

    Could NOT stop laughing at the action figures. Brilliant.

  • djg

    Cyborg Ninja Spider-Man! I love that figure (it’s even a design based on the comics).

    Also, the Daredevil gag was hysterical.

  • isobel

    loooools!! where the fuck am i?? :”’D

    • MichaelANovelli

      Welcome to the Agony Booth, my friend!

      • Jason Withrow

        If we were going to hang any video over the doorframe…

  • MichaelANovelli

    Whoo! This video’s been up for 666 days!

  • Aubrey Kapree

    Holy shit that was hilarious!