“Hey, kids, remember when Ryan wrote about ‘The Spot’, the second-worst episode of Spider-Man, the cartoon that ran on FOX Kids back in the ‘90s? Well, you’re in luck, because this time around, he looks at the worst episode of the series, ‘Rocket Racer’!

“In it, a whiny kid gets his hands on a rocket-powered skateboard and decides to turn to a life of crime, but ends up being too much of a pussy to follow through on it. Eventually, he helps Spider-Man defeat his lamest villain ever, a guy riding around in a giant wheel. Featuring the voices of big names like Mark Hamill, Telma Hopkins, and, um, C.B. Barnes, ‘Rocket Racer’ is an episode you won’t forget... for at least two, maybe three minutes.”

“I effing loved this one when I was a kid, mostly because it had a certain Mr. Bobcat Goldthwait as the villain. As a wee girl, I was kind of obsessed with the Police Academy movies, so much so that I used to host little mini-marathons. Unsurprisingly, I was usually the only one in attendance, save for my favorite stuffed animals. Later, Cheer Bear and the rest of the Care Bears would begin to make excuses not to attend my Policy Academy parties, so, you know...”

“Season three contains what just about every fan agrees are the two worst episodes of the series: ‘The Rocket Racer’ and ‘The Spot’. In fact, there was a debate for a while over which was the worse episode. My vote always went to ‘The Spot’, because ‘Rocket Racer’ may have been centered on a dull character and even duller villains, but at least that character wasn’t intensely annoying, and there were no gaping plot holes that I could see instantly, even as a kid.”

“Sato pitches knives at a newspaper article covering the crime that sent him away. This strikes me as odd. Do criminals actually clip out news items from the low points in their careers? Sometimes I think back to that time I was mugged by a Girl Scout leader/meth-tweaker at a Chuck E. Cheese years back, and I promise you, that newspaper article is not in any of my scrapbooks.”

“Bear with me here; the protagonist doesn’t start out hot, nor does he stay that way throughout the entire episode. But it’s those little bits of magical, bad-assed hotness that really make this episode shine. It’s like when Anakin Skywalker finally turned bad—he was extra hot because you had to wait a little while for it to happen.”

“April takes the whole ‘ghost knife magically changing before her eyes’ thing in stride and is only mildly amazed. I guess she would have been more impressed by better CGI, but dammit, we’re on a budget here, okay, April? Yeesh.”

“Lesson #1 when dealing with a James Remar character: Don’t piss the guy off. Chances are he has a gun and is one can short of a six pack.”

“D.J. shoves a knife into Stephanie’s already pulsating open wound by saying, ‘Isn’t it incredible, Steph? Our little sister’s going to have all her dreams come true!’ And Steph’s like, ‘Yeah bitch, ‘cuz that never happens.’”

“The lady tells Kat she has ‘just what you need’, and offers her a pair of running shoes that will help her ‘fly like you’ve never flown before!’ What, do the shoes have a secret compartment where she can hide her meth or something?”

“So, basically, in the first minute of the movie we’ve managed to see seven rather stupid mistakes that are guaranteed to annoy most fans of the original series. Well done! It’s seldom a movie manages to have that many problems in such a short span of time. That’s one stupid mistake about every eight seconds! I am impressed.”

“Reno gets pissed, and suggests a round of Russian Roulette, and as luck would have it, Sam has a .44 in his car. Yep, I’d say they’re in Texas alright.”

“Guys, the French hate the Eiffel Tower. The average Parisian thinks it’s an eyesore. Guy de Maupassant used to eat at their restaurant every day just so he wouldn’t have to look at the damn thing! If you collapse it, they’ll probably send you a gift basket.”

“What would be the point of introducing silly things like magic and witches into a Batman story? Because it’s already taking a lot of my willful suspension of disbelief just to accept the idea of a mentally unbalanced billionaire dressing up like a bat and fighting violent criminals without bothering to carry a gun.”

“So I’m sure you’ve heard FOX’s new show isn’t the first attempt to adapt the Human Target into a weekly primetime series. And if you haven’t, well, now you have. And who says this site is useless?”

“I get the sense that Farmer Brown won’t be threatening Joker for the spot of top dog in Arkham once Batman nails his ass to a wall.”

“Okay, this episode is already turning into bad fanfic written by a bored housewife in love with David Hasselhoff.”

"Yep, a Star Trek episode is going for a lighthearted tone, which can only mean one thing: Deep hurting… deep hurting!"

In the wealthiest nation on earth. At the end of an era. When heroes had all but vanished. And the world waited for change. Television brought us greatness. One show made us all believers again. That show was Seinfeld. This is Cop Rock. It was horrible.

"If you listen carefully, you'll hear the thud as this episode hits the canvas."

"Brannon Braga calls this one 'a royal, steaming stinker'. And when the guy who wrote the episode says that, it's pretty hard to disagree."

“This movie is a Part 4. And with very few exceptions, franchises that last all the way to a fourth installment end up scraping the bottom of the cinematic barrel. And when it comes to horror franchises in particular, there's a tendency to continue on even after hitting bottom, and using the shredded, shattered remnants of the cinematic barrel itself to make at least three more shitty sequels after that.”

"Let it be known that I will be casting the first stone. Directly at Worf's head."

"Some like it. Not."

"The guys who wrote that Hallmark card called. They'd like their crappy poetry back now."

"You know you're in for some quality entertainment when the guy who played 'Lowell' on the sitcom Wings is supposed to be the heavy."