“And I know what you parents out there must be thinking: taking care of an egg is a total cakewalk compared to an actual baby, right? How could watching an egg possibly teach you what it’s like to be a parent? But you have to keep in mind that Spike is a Degrassi kid. And taking care of inanimate objects is way beyond most Degrassi kids. I hear when Spike was a little girl, her pet rock died.”

"This whole season totals well over 100,000 words. Basically, I’ve written a lengthy novel about Degrassi Junior High for free. So all the people who think I complain too much about how much work is involved in updating this site can suck it."

"How can you not love a show that follows up an election for school president with an impeachment episode? That’s right, in this episode, the kids start a movement to get Stephanie Kaye thrown out of office for being the worst school president ever. The premise alone is enough to make this one of the series’ high points."

"Unfortunately, Wheels spends pretty much the entire series being a selfish asshole. That’s true even for the current episode, “Parents’ Night”. Looking back on it now, it seems the Degrassi writers were determined to make Wheels an irritating, self-entitled jackass right from the start."

"From a 2009 perspective, the idea of a show aimed at middle school kids doing a storyline where a 14 year old girl gets pregnant seems pretty ballsy. I can’t think of a show airing today that would have the guts to do this (besides, of course, Degrassi: The Next Generation, because once you’ve gone there, you can’t really un-go there)."

"Caitlin performs an original rap song about the environment, and to no one’s surprise, it’s the most horrible thing ever. If you’ve ever wondered why there are no successful white girl rappers, I’m about to present to you Exhibit A, in the form of this episode."

"So the moral of the story, kids, is that if a famous actor comes to town and wants to take you out on a 'date', give some thought to the possibility that he only wants you for your body. And that's some advice we can all use. I can't tell you how many times celebrities have come to town and tried to sexually assault me. Literally, I can't tell you, because I'm saving it all for my memoirs."

"I can safely say that I'll be able to get through this one in record time, because once you take out all of L.D.'s post-traumatic flashbacks to her mom dying, there's about five minutes of actual episode here."

"As you can probably guess, the title is inspired by the same famous line that inspired John Steinbeck, the one from 18th Century Scottish poet Robert Burns. You all know it, I'm sure. 'The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft a-gley.' And things are going to go very, very aft a-gley in this episode, you can quote me on that."

"Damn. Why didn’t I have any touchy-feely teachers when I was that age? I mean, female ones?"

"Sadly, Melanie is not cutting a very impressive figure in her swimsuit. That's because she hasn't quite started developing yet. And I'm pointing this out because it's part of the plot of this episode, not because I'm a pervert, though both are true."

"Caitlin says they should try to get Rick to smile. Ooh, that sounds like a fantastic idea, doesn't it? And somehow, the writers were able to come up with a subplot even more insubstantial than the Voula-Steph animosity. At this point, I expect a subplot where Yick Yu debates whether or not to pick his nose in class."

"Degrassi definitely goes there, doesn't it? Most TV shows for teen audiences would shy away from showing the disabled indulging in recreational drug use, but not this show. No way."

"Voula, seeing that asking to go to the dance right now would probably be greeted with the same reaction as if she asked to get an abortion, begins to weave a ridiculous, fully transparent lie. She talks about how there's a 'meeting' at school on Saturday, to do with the foster child. She even says, I kid you not, 'It's just like school, only in the evening!' It's just like school, only with more drugs and booze and sex! How can you say no?"

I'll guess I'll spoil things a bit and say that Nicole Stoffman, the actress who plays Steph, only sticks around for the first two seasons. I don't know exactly why she left, but I would imagine being Canada's official national jailbait may have taken its toll. I mean, I doubt there's one straight male viewer of Degrassi who wasn't boning it up while looking at Stephanie Kaye, and I presume being a 14 year old sexpot wasn't the ideal situation for Nicole. Or any girl, for that matter. That's when you start attracting the John Hinckleys of the world.

So it was something of a shock to find out last year that, not only had other people actually seen Degrassi Junior High, but it was now out on DVD. Degrassi was a part of my adolescence that I had always assumed was lost forever, like lazy Sunday afternoons riding bikes to nowhere. This was such a personal thing for me, that the existence of Degrassi on DVD was tantamount to having my brain patterns stored on magnetic disk and replayed twenty years later. It was like someone gave me a chance to drink New Coke again. In fact, it was like someone gave me a limitless supply of 2-liter bottles of the stuff.

“In my endless search for obscure film and video of particular (and peculiar) interest to regular site visitors, I came upon this little gem: An episode of the PBS series Reading Rainbow from 1988, where host LeVar Burton takes his viewers (from what I can recall, mostly retarded schoolchildren) behind the scenes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. No-brainer, right? Star Trek + Kitschy ‘80s = Agony Booth Gold. Texas T. Am I right?”

“I now present a half-hour showcase of all the latest hot computer gadgets and popular software, just in time for the holidays! Well, I guess there is just one little, tiny thing I should probably mention. See, this episode aired exactly twenty years ago, during the 1985 Christmas shopping season. But, hey. Come on. It's just high technology! How out of date could it possibly be?”

"Out of all the movies featured in the Agony Booth, this is the only one that your tax dollars helped pay for."