By special request of the Agony Booth, Richard is kicking off a new series-within-the-series titled “The Special Relationship”, wherein he looks at American movie remakes that don’t quite live up to their British source material, starting with a comparison of the ‘60s British series The Avengers, and the Razzie-winning 1998 American remake starring Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, and Sean Connery!

“From an undisclosed location in the Middle East comes the Agony Booth’s first ever video review! Our very own Michael ‘Mendo’ Novelli comes to us (almost) live from across the world to give us his take on one of the least-loved James Bond films, The Man with the Golden Gun!”

“This movie was released in—hold onto your hats, folks!—1910, making this the oldest movie to be recapped on the Agony Booth! Yeah, that’s right. This movie is one hundred years old! Eat it, The Adventure of the Wrong Santa Claus! Don’t you be bringing that Wilsonian-era crap into this house!”

“Rambo kills three guys with one arrow. Good thing the arrows blow up, otherwise this would just be silly.”

In 1914, Thomas Edison didn’t have color film. He didn’t have sound. He didn’t have talent. He didn’t have any understanding of even the most basic filmmaking techniques. What he did have was the Christmas spirit. It was not enough.

"This is what happens when your evil lair is just your house. When you have to resort to your personal sauna and hot tub as death traps, it's time to change careers, I think."

"Caitlin performs an original rap song about the environment, and to no one’s surprise, it’s the most horrible thing ever. If you’ve ever wondered why there are no successful white girl rappers, I’m about to present to you Exhibit A, in the form of this episode."

"He's about as personable as... Well, he's called Lone Wolf McQuade for a reason, and it ain't because he marks his territory by pissing on things. Though, based on the shape his home and office are in, I wouldn't put it past him."

"Any sense of reality is not to be found here."

“When I first heard that M. Night Shyamalan was making a horror film called The Happening, I couldn’t help but imagine taking some choice clips from the film and setting them to ‘The Happening’, the theme from that other The Happening.”

“I’m really annoyed at how this movie is making me question the competence of every single human being in the universe.”

"Of course, anyone who’s seen Hobgoblins will be excited to know that Hobgoblins 2 is coming out later this month! Sure, a twenty year gap between films didn’t help Blues Brothers any, but this is Hobgoblins we’re talking about."

"There's nothing celebrities can't do. They can heal the sick, they can feed the poor, and they can end genocide. But most importantly of all, celebrities can engage in personal, hand-to-hand combat with bears in close quarters and escape completely unharmed."

"Never doubt how much Mr. T cares about your health. He will force feed you if he has to."

"See, this is why you don’t get a vigilante to play spy."

"Not only did they take an idiotic R-rated B movie famous for its internet buzz-worthy title and make it safe for family viewing, but they also allowed one guy with a computer and a TV capture card to cause a minor sensation that swept across the globe, and ultimately inspired a bit on a late night talk show."

"Who knew the Oscars had a karaoke night?"

"I think we may have seen more of John Travolta's crotch in this 96-minute film than Kelly Preston has in the entire time she's been married to him."

"What people who hate Western animation think the whole genre is like."

In the wealthiest nation on earth. At the end of an era. When heroes had all but vanished. And the world waited for change. Television brought us greatness. One show made us all believers again. That show was Seinfeld. This is Cop Rock. It was horrible.

"The bike crashes through the window... and right into the helicopter... which proceeds to go up in a huge fireball. Okay, maybe this film does have one thing Road House doesn't."

"It looks like Heidi Montag figured she could sing, and has released a song and video entitled 'Higher'. I suspect it's terrible, but I've already seen 'My Humps', so how bad could this be?"

"Is there a more over the top way of killing your enemy than sending a team of goons over to his place to fire bomb him into the afterlife? I can only imagine they went that route because a tactical nuke would have been too expensive."

"Let it just be known that this film is stupid. And we're talking slam-your-head-down-on-the-table-dumb here."

“In my endless search for obscure film and video of particular (and peculiar) interest to regular site visitors, I came upon this little gem: An episode of the PBS series Reading Rainbow from 1988, where host LeVar Burton takes his viewers (from what I can recall, mostly retarded schoolchildren) behind the scenes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. No-brainer, right? Star Trek + Kitschy ‘80s = Agony Booth Gold. Texas T. Am I right?”

This could very well be considered the greatest film ever made, provided that every print of every movie not about giant killer bunny rabbits suddenly disappeared from the face of the planet.