"This movie is so completely bland that it didn't get any reaction from me—not even anger. It was just flat out boring and stupid, and nothing else. I've watched it, I've recapped it, and now I intend to forget it forever. Because, really, there's nothing to remember."

"Before Iron Man can... do whatever he was about to do, a cow lands on him. Because, you know, there was that one scene in Twister where a cow was flying around and... um, yeah. At this point, they might as well be making references to the Hoover Administration, '23 skidoo', or Spike Jones and His City Slickers for all this movie's target audience would know."

"The director got together Meg Ryan, Annette Bening, Debra Messing, Eva Mendes, Jada Pinkett Smith—you know, actresses who are good at staring into the camera with weepy, reddened eyes, and somehow still look good doing it. And then she... Eh, why should I tell you how she ruined the movie, when I could show you, with a Screencap Recap?"

"Even if you accept that the 23 thing is completely real (in this movie's universe, at least)... well, so what? And what then? The movie never comes up with a compelling answer. It tries to suggest something about the number 23 driving people insane, but it never makes any sense, because Schumacher is too damn busy being flashy to connect all the dots."

The Fantastic Four spend almost the entire film mostly cleaning up after their own mistakes. No joke. Every time they spring into action, it's a direct result of one of them doing something dumb. Didn't this seem like a bad, bad idea to anyone? We watch superhero movies to see the heroes being heroic, not bungling things so badly that they cause massive injuries and property damage, if not outright deaths. They should be saving the day, not covering their own asses.