Joey's setting the record straight. He doesn't want you to watch this movie. Here are five good reasons why you should stay away from The Cat in the Hat.

Watch as the Spice Girls revive a kid from a coma, help deliver a baby, encounter aliens, and talk various celebrities who all should have known better (including Elton John, Bob Hoskins, Elvis Costello, and Hugh Laurie) into making cameos!

Joey brings us the first installment in a special series called Crossing the Line, where he examines live action movies based on cartoons. First up is M. Night Shyamalan's take on the popular Nicktoon Avatar: The Last Airbender. Here's the twist: It sucks!

The Blockbuster Chick joins the site with a review of the 1999 dud based on the '60s TV show, starring Will Smith and Kevin Kline as two 1860s government agents brought together by the president to foil a diabolical plot by a legless Kenneth Branagh.

Cecil looks at Catwoman, starring Halle Berry as a cosmetics company employee who undergoes basically the same origin as Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns and becomes a superhero! Many consider this to be a strong contender for worst comic book movie ever made, but in this episode, Cecil explains why he genuinely loves Catwoman.

“The only way I can explain the following scenes is that someone sat back and thought to themselves, ‘You know what this film is missing, aside from a coherent plot, convincing threat, steady tone and Megatron? Dick jokes and gay jokes. That’s what we need!’”

“Michael A. Novelli steps up to host the Movie Skewer and take over our coverage of the Twilight Saga: the continuing misadventures of a vacant, passive high school girl, the creepy vampire who controls her, and the werewolf/rapist-in-training who comes between them! In the third installment, Bella and Edward are engaged, which pisses off Jacob, while Victoria organizes an army of “newborn” vampires to kill Bella and get revenge on Edward. So yeah, pretty much the same plot as New Moon, only this time they pay Bryce Dallas Howard to stand around and do nothing.”

“Thrill to the song stylings of Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty, as they perform classics like ‘Love in My Will’, ‘Software’, ‘Wardrobe of Love’, and ‘How Big Am I?’ And yes, these are the highlights of the movie.”

“The worst M. Night Shyamalan movie yet. And damn, is that saying something.”

“That’s right, gang: this holiday movie has blessed us with the vision of Ben Affleck taking a piss, and inside of the first fifteen minutes, too! Merry Christmas to all!”

By special request of the Agony Booth, Richard is kicking off a new series-within-the-series titled “The Special Relationship”, wherein he looks at American movie remakes that don’t quite live up to their British source material, starting with a comparison of the ‘60s British series The Avengers, and the Razzie-winning 1998 American remake starring Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, and Sean Connery!

“For some reason, this film was marketed as a more ‘serious’ movie, even though I’m pretty certain anybody who’s a fan of either Sylvester Stallone or Sharon Stone doesn’t go to the movies for serious dramatics. Stallone’s fans go to see him kill a lot of things and be macho, and Stone’s fans go in the vain hope she’ll do another leg spreading scene like in Basic Instinct. To be fair, she does get naked in this film. On the downside, so does Sly.”

“It’s like Michael Bay is deliberately trying to hit every Bad Movie Cliché he can think of.”

“Rambo kills three guys with one arrow. Good thing the arrows blow up, otherwise this would just be silly.”

“Bill doesn’t seem to have much of a problem with the fan dance, probably because he and Nichelle Nichols are in the same age bracket.”

“I generally don’t bitch about a film using live, on-the-set special effects, but when the ‘supposed to be likable’ lead character has the eyes of a killer, I balk.”

“When I first heard that M. Night Shyamalan was making a horror film called The Happening, I couldn’t help but imagine taking some choice clips from the film and setting them to ‘The Happening’, the theme from that other The Happening.”

“I’m really annoyed at how this movie is making me question the competence of every single human being in the universe.”

"This movie is so completely bland that it didn't get any reaction from me—not even anger. It was just flat out boring and stupid, and nothing else. I've watched it, I've recapped it, and now I intend to forget it forever. Because, really, there's nothing to remember."

"Before Iron Man can... do whatever he was about to do, a cow lands on him. Because, you know, there was that one scene in Twister where a cow was flying around and... um, yeah. At this point, they might as well be making references to the Hoover Administration, '23 skidoo', or Spike Jones and His City Slickers for all this movie's target audience would know."

"Occasionally while watching a bad film, it's possible to pinpoint the precise moment when the screenwriter ran out of ideas. The Hottie & the Nottie makes this game ridiculously easy. Not that this writer's 'ideas' were all that amusing in the first place, unless you consider 'women with excess body hair' the height of wit."

"Uwe Boll breaks rules of drama so obvious that you never knew they existed until you see them not being followed."

"Mike Myers's talent for doing multiple characters is offset by a fairly serious flaw: He's got a really shitty sense of humor. You know the guy in the office who despite being in his mid-forties, still cracks up whenever somebody farts? That's pretty much Mike Myers in a nutshell. His sense of humor seems to have reached its highest level of sophistication at age twelve, where it has remained ever since."

"A script so busy and compacted that it creates a thick and odorous density of idiocy, poisoning every minute of celluloid with a detail or two that insults the viewer long after the moment has passed."

"Every shot is tilted at a different angle. I'd call this 'jarring', but I'd worry about offending jars."

"There's an old saying in Hollywood: You're only as good as your last movie. Unfortunately for Lindsay Lohan, this is her last movie. If it's any consolation to her, it's all her fault."

"This might be the first film I've ever seen that makes me constantly look around to make sure I'm not on hidden camera."

"Like watching your big sister making googly eyes with her boyfriend on the couch while listening to cheesy music, and you can't escape because they've chained you to a chair."

I've been promising to do this for years, but for some reason I just never get around to it. Well, I'm sure one reason is the idea of sitting through five awful films in the space of one weekend is enough to make me go, hmm, don't I have some toilet scrubbing to do? But as one of the preeminent Bad Movie-ologists on the web (and by the web, I mean my own mind), I felt it was necessary to at least poke my head up from my steady diet of awful cinema of the '60s, '70s, and '80s. It was time to discover the State of the Bad Movie in 2006.

It's a lesson I've learned time and time again: People will slam movies purely because of who's in them. When forgettable films like Crossroads or Glitter or From Justin to Kelly make it onto the IMDb's list of the 100 worst films of all time, you know people are voting based on the magazine covers at the checkout stand. Same with the films nominated for the Razzie this year. If not for the presence of Sharon Stone, the Wayans brothers, Nicolas Cage, M. Night Shyamalan, and (to a much lesser extent) Uwe Boll, would anybody give two shits about any of these movies? Probably not.

"This movie grossed roughly $3 million in its theatrical run. Adjusted for inflation, that's at least 6 million in Gigli Dollars."

“Writing this kind of dialogue and actually putting it on film should be an offense punishable by a good old-fashioned Korean caning.”

“So by now, we're watching a drunk Bill Cosby performing surgery on himself with a hunting knife. Hey, having fun yet, Cosby Show fans?”

"'We'll always have Seattle' doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it?"

"We get a loving close-up of the fish in the aquarium eating pieces of Louis' brain. That's an image no romantic comedy is complete without, am I right?"

The way to survive this movie? Turn it into Mystery Science Theater 3000 Miles to Graceland.

"I just wanna close my eyes / I just wanna fall asleep / So I'll miss it, baby / I wanna miss everything..."

"This movie can bore you in a thousand ways!"

"Godzilla is a giant mutant lizard that enjoys nights on the town and long walks in the rain. He's very, very interested in starting a family. And ladies, not only is he single, but he's the only one of his species."

"I would say that the Batman movie franchise has been reduced to the level of the campy 60's Adam West TV series, but that would be an insult to Adam West."