“When I first heard that M. Night Shyamalan was making a horror film called The Happening, I couldn’t help but imagine taking some choice clips from the film and setting them to ‘The Happening’, the theme from that other The Happening.”

"This movie is so completely bland that it didn't get any reaction from me—not even anger. It was just flat out boring and stupid, and nothing else. I've watched it, I've recapped it, and now I intend to forget it forever. Because, really, there's nothing to remember."

"Who knew the Oscars had a karaoke night?"

"At this very moment, the official 'winners' of this year's Golden Raspberry Awards, AKA 'Razzies' are being announced in Hollywood. If you've been following this site at all for the last couple of months, you know that the entire Agony Booth staff has come together to shed a little light on a few of the nominees and near-nominees, in a series of recaps called Razzie Contenders: 2009 Edition."

"Before Iron Man can... do whatever he was about to do, a cow lands on him. Because, you know, there was that one scene in Twister where a cow was flying around and... um, yeah. At this point, they might as well be making references to the Hoover Administration, '23 skidoo', or Spike Jones and His City Slickers for all this movie's target audience would know."

"The director got together Meg Ryan, Annette Bening, Debra Messing, Eva Mendes, Jada Pinkett Smith—you know, actresses who are good at staring into the camera with weepy, reddened eyes, and somehow still look good doing it. And then she... Eh, why should I tell you how she ruined the movie, when I could show you, with a Screencap Recap?"

German wunderkind Dr. Uwe Boll triumphs again with his latest masterpiece, Postal. Funnier than Schindler's List, and yet more soul-searching than Epic Movie, the box-office phenomenon that was Postal has undoubtedly changed the course of cinema. Thank you, Dr. Boll!

For the role of an alien incapable of feeling emotions, they cast the Hollywood actor least capable of expressing them.

"Occasionally while watching a bad film, it's possible to pinpoint the precise moment when the screenwriter ran out of ideas. The Hottie & the Nottie makes this game ridiculously easy. Not that this writer's 'ideas' were all that amusing in the first place, unless you consider 'women with excess body hair' the height of wit."

"The movie presents actual 'history', but only the sort of ancient history that comes about from forgetting you have a test on paleontology until the night before, and then half-watching Jurassic Park in lieu of actually studying. And then, based on the events in the latter portion of this movie, chasing it with a repeat of Stargate SG-1."

"Uwe Boll breaks rules of drama so obvious that you never knew they existed until you see them not being followed."

"Mike Myers's talent for doing multiple characters is offset by a fairly serious flaw: He's got a really shitty sense of humor. You know the guy in the office who despite being in his mid-forties, still cracks up whenever somebody farts? That's pretty much Mike Myers in a nutshell. His sense of humor seems to have reached its highest level of sophistication at age twelve, where it has remained ever since."