Emma Stone is a White Savior character in 1960s Mississippi who writes a book about the black maids in town (Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer), which makes all the white people in town feel bad about racism. It also makes a buttload of money for Emma, while leaving the maids worse off then before. Whoops!

Ryan reviews Crash, one of the worst movies to ever win the Best Picture Oscar. Brought to you by former Facts of Life writer Paul Haggis, Crash is the movie that dares to say racism is bad, while teaching us all to be better people through laughter, tears, and Sandra Bullock.

“It’s less ‘It was beauty killed the beast’ and more ‘It was a bunch of helicopters with .50 caliber machine guns and itchy trigger fingers killed the beast.’”

For his first episode, Joey judges this year’s Oscar nominees for Best Animated Feature! Well, three out of five, anyway.

It’s the first episode of Stuff You Like, where redheaded fangirl Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind!

She kicks things off with Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Ursa really, really loves this film. Seriously. It’s quite sweet. Join her for songs, sarcasm, recurring motifs and character development. Belle meets Beast. Story arc ensues.

Ryan hosts another episode of the Movie Skewer to look at The Golden Compass, based on a novel near and dear to him. New Line scrubbed away the book’s anti-Christian themes when they adapted it into a movie, along with all traces of anything dark or disturbing. Watch as Ryan examines the end result: a bland movie-by-committee where nothing is at stake.

“The thing is, when I see a sacred cow, I get really hungry for a burger!”

“Stan returns from the dead with a whole new manly musical: Moulin Rouge, the Orphean tale of a young chump and his sexy lady of the evening. Does this classic love story have what it takes to win Stan over? Can Stan resist the charms of adult contemporary songs sung by beautiful actors and the guy from Harry Potter 6? Does Stan feel like an idiot writing these things in the third person? The answer to all these questions—save the last—can be found inside the video thing below, and all it takes is one click of your mouse!”

“In this installment of Mr. Mendo Pisses Off the Entire Internet, Mendo takes on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the much-beloved mind-trippy tale of boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy pays to have girl erased from his memories, boy meets girl again due to some combination of magic, sorcery, and telepathy.”

“In this episode, Mr. Mendo lists the 7 worst things about Forrest Gump, the tale of a simpleminded buffoon who somehow lucks into having the greatest life ever, while everyone around him suffers and dies horribly. Join Mendo as he rights some wrongs, solves the Kennedy assassination, exposes the fascist ideology of Tom Hanks, reveals what’s in Marsellus Wallace’s briefcase, and takes a cue from the film itself by raping as many classic pop songs of the ‘60s and ‘70s as humanly possible.”

This movie. Goes by. So slowly.