Take a break from biting the heads off chocolate Easter bunnies to come on a high seas journey, where the water is always choppy, everyone smells like mildew, and no one knows how to steer. But hey, we’ve got brothers with dorky hats and Irish accents. Totally worth the seasickness / possible death by drowning, right?
Tagged: julie kushner
Suck it, The Sopranos! Galavant got to end its (probably) series with a fade-to-black AND an epilogue scene in a place that was totally Hell, which, let’s face it, is likely where Tony Soprano ended up anyway, after the guy in the smoking jacket blew his brains out in that diner.
This week on Galavant, GANG WARS! A DRAGON! DADDY ISSUES! A FAILED REVOLUTION! A HALTED WEDDING! A DECLARATION OF VENGEANCE! It’s all so very Game of Thrones. Galavant even gets Jon Snow-ed in the end . . .
Because someone had to check up on everybody’s favorite singing swashbuckler with a sultry six pack, while the rest of the world was watching the Golden Globes!
Because sometimes random television shows with abysmal ratings get renewed, and we aren’t exactly sure why . . . BTW, did you know unicorns have a thing for virgins?
During Once’s second (less important) hour, Storybrooke’s junior varsity team of characters (Merida, Mulan, Red, Arthur and Zelena) compete against one another to see who will be the first to find an ugly hat. Then, someone finds the hat, but decides not to wear it because of “morals and stuff.”
This week on Once’s first episode, assholes were fruitful and multiplied. Specifically, Asshole Zelena had a baby. Asshole Emma learned the hard way that the quickest way to a man’s heart may not necessarily be injecting him with a heaping helping of asshole. Also, King Arthur remains The Worst.
This week on Once, we get to meet sexy Merlin’s crazy ex girlfriend, Emma finds a spark in the most PG-13 of places, Zelena makes morons out of the entire cast for the millionth time, Arthur continues to suck royally, and all the Biggest Assholes on the Planet get together and throw a kickass rager in Emma’s basement.
You know what’s hard? Being a hero on a Show About Heroes. Why? Because every time you try to do something heroic, there are always at least ten other people lining up to do it first.
This week on Once, King Arthur and Prince Charming take a shroom-inspired trip together. Emma’s fast food-flavored seduction of Hook fails miserably. And King Arthur ends up being just as big of a douchebag as we all instantly suspected him of being.
In which the afterthought cancellation of Hindsight makes me question my entire relationship with VH-1.
Universal is developing a new TV series based on the (semi) beloved, (not particularly) timeless movie about Ahnald, precocious tots, brutal drug dealers, tumors, and tragically underfunded public school systems.
This week on the Game of Thrones season finale, everybody and their mother dies. Except for Cersei, who learns just how tough (and naked) the Walk of Shame can be. And Dany, who finds herself a brand new army. But everyone else is pretty much dead.
The zombies are coming! Zombies warriors! Zombie babies! Zombie moms! Soooo many zombies! Oh, and Tyrion finally gets to meet Dany on the other side of the world. But mostly zombies.
Mark your calendars, Netflix subscribers and people who have their friends’ Netflix login information and passwords memorized! June 12 is fast approaching. And with it comes our long-awaited reunion with plucky, pretty, erstwhile drug runner Piper Chapman and her diverse gaggle of felonious female pals.
This week, Game of Thrones featured many of the good citizens of Westeros attempting to obtain pardons for their sins (and the sins of others) with highly variable rates of success, ranging from Jorah’s violent but hopeless attempt to win back Dany to Gilly’s much appreciated thank you roll in the hay with Sam.
This week on Game of Thrones, the series’ war on weddings with poor Sansa Stark the latest victim. Also, Arya gets a promotion, Margaery gets a demotion, Bronn and Jamie play dress-up, and Tyrion and Jorah make some new friends with benefits, but, perhaps, not the kind of benefits they were hoping for.
This week on Game of Thrones, Dany feeds her dragon kids a gourmet lunch. Greyworm lives to be ball-less another day. Jon Snow grows a pair. Sansa comes to terms with just how badly her life sucks. Tyrion grudgingly acknowledges the perks of being held hostage.
GAME OF THRONES: Population Control
This week’s Game of Thrones features Arya doing a little housekeeping, Sansa getting engaged again, Tommen getting a whole lot of nookie, Jon Snow getting a little head, Margaery beating Cersei in a verbal smackdown, and a High Septon being quite literally beaten by his religion.