Tagged: ’90s TV

VIDEO: Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue (1990)

It’s a mega Saturday morning crossover as Bugs Bunny, the Smurfs, Baby Kermit, Slimer, Winnie the Pooh, Garfield, ALF, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (singular) team up to tell you that drugs are bad. This is your brain after watching your favorite cartoon characters turn into major narcs!

VIDEO: Spider-Man “Rocket Racer”

“Hey, kids, remember when Ryan wrote about ‘The Spot’, the second-worst episode of Spider-Man, the cartoon that ran on FOX Kids back in the ‘90s? Well, you’re in luck, because this time around, he looks at the worst episode of the series, ‘Rocket Racer’!“In it, a whiny kid gets his hands on a rocket-powered skateboard and decides to turn to a life of crime, but ends up being too much of a pussy to follow through on it. Eventually, he helps Spider-Man defeat his lamest villain ever, a guy riding around in a giant wheel. Featuring the voices of big names like Mark Hamill, Telma Hopkins, and, um, C.B. Barnes, ‘Rocket Racer’ is an episode you won’t forget… for at least two, maybe three minutes.”

Are You Afraid of the Dark? “The Tale of the Final Wish” (part 2 of 2)

“I effing loved this one when I was a kid, mostly because it had a certain Mr. Bobcat Goldthwait as the villain. As a wee girl, I was kind of obsessed with the Police Academy movies, so much so that I used to host little mini-marathons. Unsurprisingly, I was usually the only one in attendance, save for my favorite stuffed animals. Later, Cheer Bear and the rest of the Care Bears would begin to make excuses not to attend my Policy Academy parties, so, you know…”

Are You Afraid of the Dark? “The Tale of the Final Wish” (part 1 of 2)

“I effing loved this one when I was a kid, mostly because it had a certain Mr. Bobcat Goldthwait as the villain. As a wee girl, I was kind of obsessed with the Police Academy movies, so much so that I used to host little mini-marathons. Unsurprisingly, I was usually the only one in attendance, save for my favorite stuffed animals. Later, Cheer Bear and the rest of the Care Bears would begin to make excuses not to attend my Policy Academy parties, so, you know…”

Full House “The House Meets the Mouse (Part II)” (part 3 of 3)

“How do I know this will be an amazing episode? Because dude, they don’t even need to explain what happened in Part I! No ‘Previously On’, no nothing. Why? Because they assume—and rightly so—that Part I’s awesomeness has by now simply integrated itself into your DNA and become a part of your basic humanity. That Part I was so intense, you already intuitively know what it was about, even if you can’t consciously remember much of anything (I think Michelle was kidnapped by ninjas?). That’s how awesome this episode will be.”

Full House “The House Meets the Mouse (Part II)” (part 2 of 3)

“How do I know this will be an amazing episode? Because dude, they don’t even need to explain what happened in Part I! No ‘Previously On’, no nothing. Why? Because they assume—and rightly so—that Part I’s awesomeness has by now simply integrated itself into your DNA and become a part of your basic humanity. That Part I was so intense, you already intuitively know what it was about, even if you can’t consciously remember much of anything (I think Michelle was kidnapped by ninjas?). That’s how awesome this episode will be.”

Full House “The House Meets the Mouse (Part II)” (part 1 of 3)

“How do I know this will be an amazing episode? Because dude, they don’t even need to explain what happened in Part I! No ‘Previously On’, no nothing. Why? Because they assume—and rightly so—that Part I’s awesomeness has by now simply integrated itself into your DNA and become a part of your basic humanity. That Part I was so intense, you already intuitively know what it was about, even if you can’t consciously remember much of anything (I think Michelle was kidnapped by ninjas?). That’s how awesome this episode will be.”

Spider-Man “The Spot” (part 2 of 2)

“Season three contains what just about every fan agrees are the two worst episodes of the series: ‘The Rocket Racer’ and ‘The Spot’. In fact, there was a debate for a while over which was the worse episode. My vote always went to ‘The Spot’, because ‘Rocket Racer’ may have been centered on a dull character and even duller villains, but at least that character wasn’t intensely annoying, and there were no gaping plot holes that I could see instantly, even as a kid.”

Spider-Man “The Spot” (part 1 of 2)

“Season three contains what just about every fan agrees are the two worst episodes of the series: ‘The Rocket Racer’ and ‘The Spot’. In fact, there was a debate for a while over which was the worse episode. My vote always went to ‘The Spot’, because ‘Rocket Racer’ may have been centered on a dull character and even duller villains, but at least that character wasn’t intensely annoying, and there were no gaping plot holes that I could see instantly, even as a kid.”

Baywatch “War of Nerves” (part 3 of 3)

“Sato pitches knives at a newspaper article covering the crime that sent him away. This strikes me as odd. Do criminals actually clip out news items from the low points in their careers? Sometimes I think back to that time I was mugged by a Girl Scout leader/meth-tweaker at a Chuck E. Cheese years back, and I promise you, that newspaper article is not in any of my scrapbooks.”

Baywatch “War of Nerves” (part 2 of 3)

“Sato pitches knives at a newspaper article covering the crime that sent him away. This strikes me as odd. Do criminals actually clip out news items from the low points in their careers? Sometimes I think back to that time I was mugged by a Girl Scout leader/meth-tweaker at a Chuck E. Cheese years back, and I promise you, that newspaper article is not in any of my scrapbooks.”

Baywatch “War of Nerves” (part 1 of 3)

“Sato pitches knives at a newspaper article covering the crime that sent him away. This strikes me as odd. Do criminals actually clip out news items from the low points in their careers? Sometimes I think back to that time I was mugged by a Girl Scout leader/meth-tweaker at a Chuck E. Cheese years back, and I promise you, that newspaper article is not in any of my scrapbooks.”