Super Friends! “The Mysterious Moles” (part 5 of 8)

In town, the Dynamic Duo gives Aquaman and Wonder Woman a lift. It’s truly weird to see this; it makes the idea of an invisible jet actually seem pretty good. They notice Superman flying overhead towards the power plant, and Robin remarks that “It sure beats riding through traffic”… as they head down a completely empty street. I’m guessing Robin is unusually susceptible to road rage. Just a hunch.

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 5 of 8)

Superman arrives at the power plant and lands on the roof, an event helpfully described by our narrator. At this point, I think I’m just going to ignore Ted, since he’s basically doing what I’m doing right now, only minus the humor.

Superman talks out loud to himself (as the characters in this show are wont to do), expositing that he thinks the bad guys will try to move the cooling unit with a “crane-copter”. He plans to take to the sky to keep a lookout… but then he hunkers down behind the cooling unit to surprise them when they arrive.

Caption contributed by Ed

Superman: Not only is he a dick, but he’s also one lazy mamma-jamma! He also tends to change shape when sitting.

Elsewhere, the giant drill is still approaching the surface. Trouble arises when it turns out Max forgot to turn the building around so that the house was facing the road before they left. Yeah, it’s a goof, but at the end of the day, can any of us say we haven’t done that at least once?

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Minnie steers the drill to the surface and into the house through the garage door, which makes me wonder what all the fuss was about. She tells Max to keep his eyes open, and get a tree to load the cooling units while she opens the roof. Yeah, I don’t know at this point either. I’m just doing that “smile and nod” thing you do when stuck in a conversation with someone you have no interest in talking to.

Max pours the walk water on the roots of a large tree, and politely asks it to lend a helping hand—uh, branch. He gets a boulder to erase the tracks the tree is making. Leading me to wonder why the boulder leaves no tracks. Maybe it’s one of those damned ninja boulders.

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 5 of 8)

In the cave, Marvin and Wendy are still making their way to the surface. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a cave-in right about now. A screeching is heard, and Wonder Dog leaps into Marvin’s arms. You know, because they’re basically Scooby and Shaggy. The noise turns out to be a menacing bat, and we cut to commercial.

Caption contributed by Ed

First there was Night of the Lepus. Now, get ready for Mid-Afternoon of the Paper Cut-Out Bat!

We’re now at the halfway point, folks. Twenty-two minutes down, twenty-two to go.

Back from break, our Trio of Torturous Ineptitude has managed to get completely lost after being chased by the aforementioned bat. Wendy frets that now they don’t have their chalk arrows to guide them back to the surface, but Marvin has a solution. Oh boy, this should be good. Did he bum a grappling hook off of Robin? No, he just notes the way out is “Up!”

Christ, these guys are like that one relief pitcher on a baseball team you never want to see warming up in the bullpen.

Up top, the Moles are getting ready to head back down to Molesville. They argue all the way down, with Max having doubts about the whole thing, and Minnie… Well, not. The plan evidently is to go down to Molesville so Minnie can put her plan to power the cooling units into effect. Yes, we did just waste an entire paragraph on this. The writers must have seen something shiny outside the window while writing this part of the episode.

The Justice League carpool arrives. Robin, bright spark that he is, points out a tree and a boulder by the garage. How this guy hasn’t accidentally garroted himself with his own cape is anybody’s guess.

Batman is somewhat stunned (Mr. Soule could have used another cup of coffee before recording this scene, I think), and we get another exchange revolving around how when they first checked the area they found nothing. I know the audience for this show was young kids, but come on! You could take out all the repetitive dialogue in this episode and cut down the running time by at least twenty minutes!

Batman’s synapses finally begin to fire, as he notes they’re definitely in the right place. Wonder Woman finally contributes something of value (sort of) by affirming that the name of the trucking company (or garage—at this point, I really don’t give a shit) corresponds to the first names of our villains.

There’s yet another inexplicable shot of the Dynamic Duo’s legs walking as Batman refers to the couple as a “crafty pair of cave crawlers”. Once again, they knock on the door.

Caption contributed by Ed

—“So, Batman, you like gladiator movies?” —“Why yes, I do, old chum.”

Batman knocks, and Wonder Woman almost instantaneously remarks, “No answer.” Somehow, I always pictured her as being a little more on the optimistic side. Robin’s knocking manages to open a door (kid must be on the juice), and after a lame remark, they enter.

They inadvertently activate the revolving mechanism (again, the switch is mistaken for a light switch), and Batman pulls out a flashlight, which he calls (what else?) his Bat-Light. They survey the house and—Oh, for fuck’s sake, Batman, put the goddamn flashlight away! It’s the middle of the afternoon, you shithead! You fucking moron! Oh-oh-ohhhhh!

Sorry, just got possessed by the ghost of Sam Kinison for a minute there. Won’t happen again.

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 5 of 8)

Let me start over. They survey the house, and after Wonder Woman criticizes the curtains on the window (‘cause she’s a woman and all), they open the front door, and we get stunned reactions from all four of them.

Wonder Woman: Great Aphrodite!
Aquaman: Great Neptune!
Batman: Great blazes!
Robin: Holy turnabouts!

I can’t tell you how much I want some random guy to walk up behind them and exclaim, “Fuck me!”

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 5 of 8)

They finally get the idea that the house has rotated around, and Aquaman states that this confirms that the Moles are up to something. Actually, it confirms they have a shitty sense of décor and a tricked out house, but I’ll let Fishmonger have his way for now.

Ed Harris

A fan of less than great cinema since childhood, Ed divides his time between writing scripts, working an actual paying job and subjecting himself willingly to some of the worst films society has produced.

Multi-Part Article: Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles"

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