Super Friends! “The Mysterious Moles” (part 3 of 8)

By sheer coincidence, the government lab is in Cave County, and the Dynamic Duo goes off to investigate. Batman refers to Robin as “Teen Wonder” for some reason, and we cut to Cave County as our Trio of Tedium returns, once again riding their bikes. And given the probable budget of the show, I’d guess it’s the same shot from the opening.

Omniscient Ted reports that they’re heading for “another weird experience”, which given these two, could be something as innocuous as a light breeze or a falling leaf. They pass a building shaped like the house from before, but now it’s either a gas station or a truck stop. Either way, our dunces are now very confused (well, more so than usual), and they move on, babbling as they approach a sign advertising the “Fairyland Caves”.

They double back and end up back at the garage, and continue to debate their exact location. Wonder Dog starts to freak out, and they look down to see the map Marvin drew in the dirt earlier. Now utterly confused, they walk up to the garage to get help. As they get to the door, we see the name of the establishment is “Min & Max Trucking Co., Inc.”

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 3 of 8)

Marvin knocks on the door, and Wonder Dog echoes my feelings right now by yawning. In doing so, he inadvertently pushes open the door and falls through. They enter, and apparently the lights aren’t working. Marvin produces a flashlight (which really comes in handy in the middle of the day, I find) and suddenly, Ted’s voice barges in to reveal that the house can rotate. It seems the light switch that Marvin pressed is really the switch to activate the rotating mechanism. And sure enough, the house spins around, revealing the garage side and house side are both facades.

There’s no explanation for how Wendy and Marvin can’t tell the goddamn house is moving, but given the level of intelligence on display thus far, I’m sure it would take forever for them to notice anyhow.

Caption contributed by Ed

I think the folks at Extreme Makeover: Home Edition have finally gone around the bend.

They find the stolen air conditioners (but I’m not shocked that they don’t know what they are), and after what seems like forever and a year of them expositing on how weird the situation is, they go off in search of the tracks they found.

So, at this point, the villain’s plot involves stealing air conditioners for… something. Given that we’re less than ten minutes in, I think it’ll be a long time before we find out what those plans are.

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Meanwhile, at the Government Medical Research Laboratories, the Batmobile pulls up. In a nice animation goof, the place is now a two-story building, even though back when they were viewing the damage on the Troubalert, it appeared to be a skyscraper.

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 3 of 8)

And the narration is pissing me off beyond all reason right now, because it’s now prefiguring the beginning of any sentence I write. Ted, you’re cramping my space here, buddy. Not cool.

Our heroes find the building has been deserted, due to the loss of the air conditioner. Naturally, there’s a huge sign that Batman can read from the street. After reading the sign, we get this exchange.

Batman: You see, Robin, research work involving medicine and microbes requires purified air at controlled temperatures.
Robin: Wow, I’d sure like to catch up with those thieves and put them in the cooler for a long stretch.
Batman: A proper place for air conditioning thieves, the cooler. Let’s check the roof.

Ah, Super Friends Logic. The stuff question marks are made of.

They make their way up to the roof (sadly, there’s no classic “walking up the building” shot) and find the A/C unit was removed by something very large. Batman guesses it was a crane (the kind with treads, mind you) and they head back down to look for tracks.

They find nothing (though we get a shot of their legs as they talk), and hilariously enough, Batman remarks that the rather sparsely populated woods are too thick for a large piece of machinery to get through. Batman suggests they go back for a brainstorming session with the rest of the Justice League.

In other words, we’ll be here for a long, long, time.

Caption contributed by Ed

—“Robin, you been working out more lately?” —“Yes, awfully nice of you to notice.”

Back with the Trio of Tedium, they’ve found the bird-like tracks and are following them. Marvin worries they’ll find some giant creature, and Wendy replies that she’ll calmly run for her life while screaming. See, I told you she might have one or two brain cells firing every now and then! Sure, they tend to cut in and out like a car engine on its last legs, but still!

I’d also like to point out right now that we’re not even a third of the way through the episode. See what watering down a great concept will do to a show? By this point in a Mister T episode, we’d have had at least two action scenes!

They discover that the tracks stop at a large hole where a tree used to be. The tree has been set aside, and there are shoeprints around it as well. They decide to go down into the hole (which has now suddenly turned into a huge crack), rather than wait for the people who are actually competent to arrive.

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 3 of 8)

We next find them in a cave. Marvin marks the way they’re headed with chalk arrows on the cave walls, and as they continue, Ted comes back on to exposit a bit before whisking us back to the real stars of the show.

Ted Knight: Marvin, Wendy, and Wonder Dog begin an underground journey which is to lead them on a fantastic subterranean adventure.

Uh, sure thing, Ted. Whatever you say. By the way, try and lay off the booze while you’re recording. It’s starting to become obvious that you’re drinking to get through this thing. Not that anyone would blame you.

Ed Harris

A fan of less than great cinema since childhood, Ed divides his time between writing scripts, working an actual paying job and subjecting himself willingly to some of the worst films society has produced.

Multi-Part Article: Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles"

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