Star Trek “Spock's Brain” (part 3 of 4)
When we return, we’re deep within the confines of the Eymorg city, and find it to be a virtual paradise where a hot redheaded gal feeds fruit to a male slave. Wait, she realizes that it’s supposed to work the other way when you have a slave, right?
Two women gather around Luma as she puts on a broad pantomime show, acting out how Kirk pointed his phaser and then collapsed. The brunette intruder enters, and all the women take seats around a t-shaped table, surrounded by their male slaves. Meanwhile, the unconscious men from the Enterprise are all sitting upright on stools. Wait… unconscious, and sitting upright on stools? Is that even possible?
Anyway, the Eymorg Think Tank sits, and more Wrist Splint action wakes the Enterprise men. They find they’re wearing gaudy belts with huge circular buckles that look like giant green Rolos. The brunette tries to interrogate the men, but Kirk stands and demands to know where Spock’s brain is. “Ah, yes, brain,” the brunette says. “You spoke to Luma also of brain, but we do not understand!”
Kirk yells that she was on the Enterprise and took Spock’s brain, but the woman says she knows “only here below and here above! This is our place!” In the kitchen, I assume she means. Kirk says he saw her on his starship, but McCoy calls him over to let him know that “Disassociation could be complete.” Thanks for the expert opinion, Doctor.
The brunette leader lectures to Kirk and his men about hurting Luma, then says they’re free to go. “Nnnnnooo,” Kirk waffles, “We’ll stay here and learn about you.” For instance, do the curtains match the drapes? “And tell you of us!” Kirk shoots a look to McCoy like he can’t believe he’s wasting his breath on this bimbo. McCoy asks Brunette Leader about their setup here, what with the cold harsh conditions above and the comfortable accommodations below. Of course, he expresses this using only monosyllabic words, and yet he still can’t get it through her pretty little head. Aw, clueless women are so adorable.
Scotty tries his hand at making it clearer. “Aye! There’s no sun, but there’s light!” As expected, Brunette Leader continues to stare blankly.
Kirk asks to speak to their leader. Brunette Leader cries, “I am leader! There is no other!” Since she’s a woman, Scotty and McCoy naturally ask who really built their machines. Kirk asks, “Who controls this complex?”
Brunette Leader gets a bewildered look. “Control?” Yep. I can see we’re making a lot of progress here. Finally, a synapse fires in her brain. “Controller?”
Kirk stands. “Yessss… the… Controller… The Controller! Who… who controls? I would like to meet… to, to see him!” Ouch. There’s that “him” again. You’re not scoring too many points with the babes here, Captain.
Brunette Leader refuses. “Controller is alone! Apart!” Kirk says they mean no harm, and McCoy adds they only want to find Spock’s brain. Thus setting us up for one of the more memorable (though not in a good way) lines in all of Trekdom:
|Brunette Leader: Brain and brain, what is brain?! (Hear it!)|
McCoy begins to draw an analogy for her, comparing a brain and the Controller. This causes Kirk to make a realization. He sweeps his hand in the air, pronouncing that “Spock’s… brain… controls…” He suddenly raises his arms and kneels before Brunette Leader. “Great leader!” he cries, totally patronizing on her, “We come from a far place to learn from your Controller!”
This pretense is so flimsy, even dopey Brunette Leader sees right through it. Kirk then tries begging to be taken to the Controller, but Luma tells Brunette Leader not to do it, calling her “Kara”. For no particular reason, this prompts Kara to touch her Wrist Splint (Hmm. A single button that has multiple functions. Very, very advanced technology they have there). This sends the three men into writhing fits of pain as they roll around on the floor.
As this happens, Kara tilts her head in a thoughtful look. Or perhaps she just heard a dog whistle. She declares she must “learn what to do,” so the Think Tank exits, commanding their male slaves to keep an eye on Kirk and his men.
We cut back to the Enterprise long enough for Sulu to make a log entry about the ship being in orbit above “Sigma Draconis 7”. Everyone else called it “Sigma Draconis 6”, but thanks for playing, Sulu. He basically recaps the whole episode, then explains how Chekov is on the surface acting as a “liaison between the captain and Enterprise”. Is that what he’s doing? Because to me it looks like he’s just warming his hands on a rock.
Anyway, back to Kirk and the others (okay, how pointless was that cutaway?) coming around. The three men compare notes about what they just experienced. McCoy says he “never believed the human organism could take such pain!” But after this episode aired, he could no longer doubt it. Scotty notes that despite their caramel center, the Rolo belts can’t be removed. Kirk says the belts must be how the Eymorg women exert control over the Morg men, but considering they could easily make Kirk and the boys pass out without the belts, I don’t know why they would even bother.
Then Kirk turns and sees all their communicators and tricorders sitting on a table just a few feet away [!]. Well, we definitely don’t need much more convincing about the diminished mental capacity of the Eymorg, do we?
Kirk heads for the table, but a Morg slave quickly blocks his path. Kirk nonchalantly strolls on back, and he and the guys all wonder how the women could have built and maintained this place all by themselves. Because, you know, they don’t have penises. Scotty recalls how the Morg up above spoke of “pain and delight”, which leads to some very out of place light-hearted banter between Kirk and McCoy.
| McCoy: I’m sure you noticed the “delight” aspect of this place!
Kirk: Yes, I certainly did notice those delightful aspects. But that, too, was strictly under the command of the women! [Huh?]
Kirk makes another [?] attempt to casually walk over to his communicator, and again the big guy stops him. More lighthearted banter ensues.
| Kirk: This fellow is keeping us from our property!
Scotty: Isn’t there a way to correct that situation?
Kirk: I certainly think that Science might provide an answer!
McCoy: It does, Captain!
Kirk: Agreed, Doctor!
Kirk does a slight bow [?] before attacking the Morg, leading to an all-out brawl. Meanwhile, Spock’s brainless form sits there, blankly staring at the fight with no trace of reaction on his face. Kind of like what I’m doing right now. Eventually, the three men get the upper hand, and the Morg are subdued. “Science will triumph,” Kirk mutters to himself. Uh, what?
Kirk grabs a communicator and gets back in touch with Spock’s brain. Perhaps it would be a better idea to instead contact the Enterprise to send down reinforcements, but hey, this is Kirk we’re talking about. Kirk asks if Spock knows what they’re using him for. Spock says, “I seem to have a body that stretches into infinity!” For some reason, they insert a shot here of where Spock’s brain is, inside the Controller, which turns out to be a black hexagonal cylinder with a glowing papier-mâché orb on top, and six glass tubes sprouting from it like an old potato.
Then it’s back to the guys, and McCoy informs Spock that he has no body and is a disembodied brain. Spock says this makes a lot of sense. “My medulla oblongata is hard at work apparently breathing, apparently pumping blood, apparently maintaining a normal physiologic temperature!” Kirk totally shuts him down, saying they “don’t have time for that!” Oh, but we do have time to make witty comments about Science, don’t we? Captain Jerk.
Spock discourages them from trying to locate his brain. “While I might trust the doctor to remove a splinter, or lance a boil, I do not believe he has the knowledge to restore a brain!” McCoy is suitably ruffled, but Spock points out that no one in the galaxy has this knowledge.
Kirk says that whoever removed his brain must have the ability to restore it. Of course, the best part of this scene is that Kirk is standing right next to Spock’s body, and Spock is blinking [!] the entire time. This conjures up an amusing mental image of McCoy furiously punching a button to make Spock blink so that his eyes don’t dry out. Ah, that McCoy. Quite the guy.