Star Trek: Deep Space Nine “Let He Who Is Without Sin...” (part 6 of 7)
Cut to Worf in his room, staring at a Whorega’hn as Dax enters in a lovely purple slip. She asks if he’s coming to bed, but unfortunately, it’s time for Banal Couple Argument #786, which is centered around how Dax is “too impulsive” sometimes, and has “no self-control”. Worf makes a point to mention, as he will do about a million times over the course of the series, that Jadzia is his par’machkai, which I guess is the Klingon equivalent of “Imzadi”—and if that’s the case, then par’machkai, my ass!—and everything she does makes him look bad. But, of course, neither one of them is going to change who they are to please the other. Blah blah blah, zzzz. Dax goes to bed, and Worf sits there thinking. You know, I appreciate the attempt to humanize the characters, and make them seem more like regular people, but there must be a better way to do it besides boring the crap out of me and simultaneously cribbing dialogue from a thirtysomething episode.
There’s another shot of Sharper Image City, and that waterfall is still frozen in exactly the same shape as earlier. And then we’re watching the Risians clean up from that devastating table tipping from yesterday. Dax enters and chats up Vanessa Williams, who says, “What Mr. Fullerton could use is a little jamaharon! No… a lot of jamaharon!” Couldn’t we all. Throughout this scene, Vanessa is picking stuff up off the floor, like a Whorega’hn that she hands over to Dax, and a vase containing what might be the largest flowers I’ve ever seen in my life.
Vanessa notes Dax’s moody disposition. Dax says she’s upset because Worf isn’t enjoying his vacation, but Vanessa says that shouldn’t stop her (Dax) from enjoying her (Dax) self. Because, you know, that sure didn’t stop Curzon Dax from enjoying himself on Risa. “And I can tell,” Vanessa says, “there’s more than a little Curzon in you.” And I’m sure Vanessa quite enjoyed having a little Curzon in her, too. Or perhaps a large Curzon. I mean, far be it for me to question a joined Trill’s manhood. Even though, I imagine more than a few male hosts feel a little inadequate compared to that big, long slug inside them.
Anyway, Dax says Curzon loved Risa, and Vanessa declares that Risa—like, the whole planet, I guess?—loved Curzon back. That sounds pretty awesome, but really makes me wonder just how many times he visited, anyway. Jadzia better hope that STDs can’t get passed down from host to host.
And now, it’s time to go visit with Bashir and Leeta. They’re outside somewhere, and continuing with their extremely uninteresting Rite of Separation. They’re both on their knees, and they mumble some mystical nonsense while passing a golden finger bowl back and forth, sipping from it. Leeta actually says, “The time for sharing is over,” and oh man, how I wish that were true. They babble about the Prophets. Leeta smashes the golden fingerbowl on the ground, then they lean in and do some strange almost-choreography, where they seem about to kiss but both turn their heads to the side, like something from a weird post-Erotica Madonna video.
They walk away and meet up with Quark, who apparently agreed to be a “witness” to the ceremony, but he’s appalled that everything was so “civil”. Bashir spins some bullshit about how this was an “admirable” way to end a relationship. Yeah, I bet. I’m telling you right now, there’s no such thing as a mutual breakup. There’s only somebody saying, “I want to break up”, and somebody else saying, “Yeah, I wanted to break up, too!” A “mutual breakup” is the romantic equivalent of “You can’t fire me, because I quit!” You know it, and I know it, and these two clowns know it.
Oh, and by the way, it’s worth mentioning that we saw virtually nothing of their relationship in any of the episodes leading up to this. The most we saw was some flirting, and some innuendo that they were together, with all of it totaling perhaps five minutes. Hey, writers? If you want us to care about two characters breaking up, you should give us more than an inkling that they’re actually together, don’t you think? But honestly, I don’t think even the audience could care less about this relationship than Bashir and Leeta do in this scene.
Sure enough, Leeta immediately says she can be “honest” now, and reveals she’s been thinking about “another man” lately. Quark and Bashir try to pry more information out of her, but she says she’d “rather not discuss it now”, which I guess is why she brought it up ten seconds ago.
But as a result of their badgering, she reveals she’s been thinking of Rom—Quark’s dimwitted brother—whom she calls “cute” and “sexy”, and both men are predictably disgusted, and this revelation is played for all it’s worth. “Hi, we’re the DS9 writing staff. We know this Leeta-Rom pairing is utterly ridiculous, but maybe if enough people act like it’s ridiculous, it will be believable.”
Cut to Worf strolling around the interiors of Risa, just toodling around, I guess. He parts a curtain and just happens to come upon Dax and Vanessa Williams re-enacting that scene from Ghost. I mean, they’ve even got a big pile of clay and everything. And Vanessa, concurrently, is getting perilously close to re-enacting those girl-on-girl photos that got her crown taken away. So it’s good to see she’s being a good sport about it all. One assumes. Or, perhaps, she secretly enjoys this kind of kinky girl-on-girl intimacy? A man can dream, right?
Anyway, Dax and Vanessa are both really into stroking this giant clay phallus, and talking about much they’re into it, and everybody’s feeling it and sharing it, and this is why you should not do ecstasy, ever. Suddenly, Worf interrupts. Dax is happy to see him, but he simply glowers at them both, and walks off. What a baby. What a buffoonish, spoiled baby. I can’t say he was ever one of my favorite characters on TNG, but DS9 worked wonders as far as making him likeable, and sometimes even admirable on at least a few occasions. This is definitely not one of those occasions.
And, um, you know, I get the “free love” thing happening here on Risa, but for fuck’s sake, maybe it’s better to do this kind of stuff in a room that has a door with a lock on it.
Worf returns to his room and has a spoiled baby tantrum where he angrily smashes his Whorega’hn against the wall. Apparently, this is the big turning point for Worf. He’s witnessed all the sexiness that he can handle.
Cut to a private meeting of the New Essentialists, where Fullerton says they have to do something even bigger than yesterday’s stunt. Something even bigger than a panty raid? Almost as if on cue, Worf enters, declaring that he has a plan to make people leave Risa. I’m almost certain it involves him putting on those gold lamé underoos of his. That’s sure to cause a max exodus on just about any planet.