Sleepy Hollow RECAP: The Bride Of Franklinstein (S2:E2)

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The focus of this week’s Sleepy Hollow seems to be seeing who can shit on God’s work first. Will it be Moloch and his minions, attempting to bind the lovely Katrina to the Headless Horseman while also trying to open a portal to Purgatory? Or will it be Ichabod Crane and Lt. Abbie Mills, raising the dead to create a zombie weapon and save the day?

I say flip a coin and you’ll probably find the right answer. Even if they’re the good guys, Crane and Mills are all about leveling the playing field. Almost as much as they’re about ham-fisted asides about their spiritual bond as “witnesses.” The bulk of this episode is spent following them as they attempt to bring back a weapon known as The Kindred in order to battle Moloch’s horsemen.

The Kindred is the creation of Benjamin Franklin, once again played by Timothy Busfield. As alluded to in the last episode, Franklin was directly connected to the spiritual war raging at the center of the show. He joined with George Washington and Katrina’s super cool witch club to create The Kindred in order to battle The Headless Horseman of Death and tip the scales of revolution. And he did that using dead bodies sewn together and a dash of magic.

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It’s a cool touch that I wish was a true fact. Not the undead monster part, but Franklin dabbling in Frankenstein territory. I already love that he had his own pirate fleet and that he was a big perv in real life. Add this and it would elevate him to another level of beloved scummery.

The big difference in present day is that instead of some random dude’s head, Crane and Mills are going to use the Headless Horseman’s head to top their new plaything. A risky gambit, but one needed to propel the plot forward and reintroduce the other characters for this season. Namely Orlando Jones as the former Captain Frank Irving, currently on vacation at the local prison due some demon murders connected to his name.

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In Irving’s place is Leena Reyes (played by Sakina Jaffrey), the new sheriff in town and a return to the status quo of a good chunk of last season. Where Irving now believes everything that Crane and Mills are out there battling, Reyes does not and is out to drop the hammer. She’s seen what these cartels do and she’s not about to let Sleepy Hollow turn into another Juarez or something like that!

She’s the infuriating logic of a show that has thrown logic in the back seat on its way to secluded cabin in the clouds, a place where chocolate rains down the walls and demons prance about in garters. The pull back is needed, but it’s not what I’m tuning into the show to see. It’s like thinking that people are popping in a porno for the intriguing dialogue. We want monsters and silly hyperbole and cryptic situations with dire consequences. If I don’t find myself saying “what the fuck?” at least eight times an episode, I’m disappointed.

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Anyway, back to the plot. Mills and Ichabod meet with Irving to find the location of the Horseman’s head, leading to them to a local bank (see, insanity) where the former captain has locked it away in a safe deposit box. Following a humorous encounter between Crane and a bank teller trying to sell him a credit card, complete with a poignant lecture from a guy who hasn’t been to a bank since the 1700s, we end up in a private room with the head.

Knocking on our obsession with credit and the wedding industry is a good way to keep in my good graces, Sleepy Hollow. If Crane reads a news feed next week, criticizes Rand Paul’s wig hair and calls Ted Cruz a giant baby in a suit, I might just die in my chair.

Soon after collecting the head, the duo discovers the body of Franklinstein’s monster. They prepare both, then move on to confront the Moloch gang and rescue Katrina from certain doom. If Scooby Doo showed up, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t think twice about it at this point.

All this while, The Headless Horseman and Katrina have still been playing house, trying on necklaces and drinking tea. Horsey is still sore about his broken engagement and decides to spend an episode explaining how he will bind Katrina to him to make it right. If there were more to throw in there, I would. That’s pretty much the gist of it. The Headless Horseman needs to stay headless for me to care about him.

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Also stalling for time is Henry Parrish, running off to speak with Moloch in the spirit realm. He apologizes for botching the portal from the last episode–something I thought had already happened–and then moves forward with the next big plan. Cut to him adding a sharp pin to the hilt of a fountain pen, looking pleased with his work before sending his bad ass suit of War Armor (that’s what I’m calling it) to join The Headless Horseman for battle. Typical old evil man shit.

The stage is set for a confrontation outside the Horseman’s love cottage. Crane and Mills have their Kindred body and the Horseman’s head combined, leaving only some magic with spiritual ritual to bring it to life right in the nick of time. Even in our current state of “great” television, things still find a way to work out perfectly to maximize drama in unbelievable ways. The Horseman arrives right as Crane finishes reading the spell, and then the fight begins.

For a dead guy, The Kindred is pretty bad ass. Not only does he manage to best the Headless Horseman in a fight, he also holds his own against Parrish’s War Armor. That thing has a flaming sword and everything, but a dead zombie with an axe beat its ass. I love it.

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Crane uses the battle to run to Katrina’s side, wanting to rescue her, but then deciding against it. They both agree that Katrina is better used as a mole inside of the romantic Horseman’s cottage. Besides, this is network television at 9pm. No one is having any sex, so there’s not going to be any cheating. Plenty of death though, which is a little uncomfortable.

Crane and Mills run off to reflect on what has happened, much like last week, and we’re left with another nice episode where things happened, but not too many things. Oh, and The Kindred is still out there walking around all free and shit. I tacked that in there like that because the people behind the show did the same thing.

The one thing I didn’t mention this episode was Jenny Mills getting arrested by Reyes for gun possession and her escape from the mental hospital last season. Makes perfect sense, even for this show, and provides a solution to Jennifer just tagging along for two episodes. She led Crane to the key and now we can lock her up until the story needs her again. Nice work, writers!

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To close the episode, Parrish visits Irving in prison with his custom pen from earlier. Reyes is there to drop some logic bombs, but Parrish puts a stop to that by playing Irving’s lawyer. “Everyone needs a lawyer,” he says. Why wouldn’t you trust a guy like that?

Parrish hands Irving some documents to sign using the custom pen, slicing Irving’s finger and filling the ink well with blood. This means Irving signed this document with his own blood, creating a blood pact I assume for some sort of devious plot down the road. I’m for it, I just hope that Irving doesn’t bite it at some point. I’ve grown fond of the character since his turn away from logical hard ass last season. Also Orlando Jones is worth keeping around at any time.

I wonder what The Kindred is doing right now? Perhaps he found a Carl’s Jr (Hardee’s for you more refined folks) and is enjoying a nice heart attack burger with a frosty beverage. Or he’s eating some dead birds he found along the side of the road. Either way, good for you, Kindred. You deserve it.

Previous Episodes:

SLEEPY HOLLOW RECAP: Demons just want the key to your heart (S2:E1)

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TV Show: Sleepy Hollow

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