Dec 22, 2016
Scream the TV Series vs. Scream Queens: A Sadist’s Study Guide
I Scream. You Scream. We all . . . need to find more creative titles for our television shows.
Because all dead teenager tales (whether they are films or television shows) generally look, talk, and act virtually alike . . . (and by “alike” I mean remarkably similar to that one where Drew Barrymore bites it in the first eight minutes) . . .
. . . up until this point, you, intrepid sadist/schlock slasher fan, could be forgiven for assuming that Scream, the dead teenager series that debuted on MTV this summer, and Scream Queens, the dead teenager Ryan Murphy vehicle that’s debuting on Fox in the fall, were actually the same program . . .
Unfortunately, now that Scream (the MTV one) has been picked up for a second season, you will actually be forced to distinguish between them.
Fear not, hater of attractive-barely-legals-whose-sole-purpose-is-to-be-creatively-butchered-on-screen! Because HNTP has prepared, for your reading pleasure, a handy dandy guide, which will undoubtedly help you to tell these two masterpieces apart . . . or, at least, do a passable job of pretending that you can . . .
Let’s start with the trailers. As everyone knows, just about everything about a slasher movie/show — from who dies first to which character you wish would die first — is pretty much spoiled by its promo:
Here’s the Scream trailer . . .
And now the Scream Queens trailer . . .
Were you paying attention? Because here’s what I got . . .
Brooke, a.k.a Carlson Young
Zayday, a.k.a Keke Palmer
(For anyone who has ever dreamed of Rachel Berry being forced to wear a neck brace, and likely getting murdered in a “clever” way that involves said neckbrace and is, therefore, borderline offensive to the handicapable, but still funny, in a way that will make you feel kind of guilty for thinking it’s funny, Scream Queens is the show for you!)
And there you have it, the subtle, barely there, differences between Scream the TV Series and Scream Queens. Congratulations! You now are armed with all the information you need to go forth and enjoy the brutal dismemberment of attractive nubile coeds on your flat screen, you terrible human being, you!