Scream Queens: Ouija Like to Know More?

fox scream queens

Welcome to Ryan Murphy’s Scream Queens where there’s never enough explanation.

Chanel is in charge of #2’s funeral and, at the eulogy, takes the opportunity to rant and rave about how much she hated #2. Somehow, Chanel found out that Chad was cheating on her with #2 (Seriously, how did this become common knowledge? Only Denise, Zayday, and Grace know this from their roadtrip to #2’s house). Since Chanel is still in a pouty mood after the funeral, the Chanels propose contacting #2’s spirit so the two can hash it out once and for all. Ghost #2 warns Chanel that Chad is cheating on her again, but Chanel believes that #2 is just messing with her from beyond the grave and stomps off. Come on! No one even asked if she saw anything that could give a clue as to who the Red Devil is?!

Well, we know Gigi is definitely involved in the plot. She berates a Red Devil over the phone, yelling how they are in the murder business (no, not that kind) and they shouldn’t have kidnapped Zayday because now they are getting off track. She tells the Red Devil to get rid of “him” fast. Who is “him”? The second Red Devil? Another victim on the list?

Gigi continues with her master plan and suggests to Grace that she look into Feather, a Kappa sister from two years ago. Pete and Grace interview Feather, who reveals she stole Dean Munsch’s husband. Dean Munsch went ballistic and started stalking Feather, even dressing up like her.

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“Oh God, we’re wearing the same outfit! The horror!”

Feather adds that Dean Munsch also tried to kill her, and this solidifies Pete and Grace’s theory that Dean Munsch is the Red Devil. Wait, when did they hop on that train? Anyway, when Feather goes home, she finds her husband Stephen’s dead body scattered all over the house.

Meanwhile, Chanel goes to confront Chad to see if #2’s accusation is right, and she is horrified to see Chad in bed with someone…a goat. Chad explains that he is cuddling with the goat to relax her so he can milk her; Chad is lactose intolerant and has a goat so he can get goat milk whenever he wants. Chanel believes him and actually apologizes to Chad for doubting his love. This “relationship” is so weird.

While Grace and Pete pulled their “Dean Munsch is the killer” theory out of nowhere, the police in town have decided to finally look at the clues. An officer arrests Dean Munsch under suspicion for her ex-husband’s death and adds that since she’s been preventing the police from investigating the Kappa deaths, perhaps she is the mastermind behind all of that too.

8

“When did you all stop being useless?”

Pete and Grace congratulate themselves on solving the murder and finally kiss, but they are interrupted by a phone call. Dean Munsch asks them to visit her at the mental hospital. Dean Munsch insists she’s not the murderer and swears Feather did it. Pete and Grace don’t believe her but agree to investigate Feather since Dean Munsch promises to give them information on the Kappa baby.

Pete and Grace pore over the murder file (Pete explains that he basically threatened the police with a lawsuit and ton of paperwork, and they literally handed the keys to their files over because they are that lazy. I keep tagging the recaps as this, and I’ll keep doing it: Police are Useless in this Universe) and find out that the killer ate a baloney sandwich before fleeing the murder scene. They know it couldn’t have been Dean Munsch because she claims to be allergic to deli meat. Pete and Grace worry that the killer is still out there.

Speaking of killers, the Chanels contact #2 on the Ouija board to find out more secrets. #2 accuses Chanel of being the Red Devil killer, and Chanel throws another tantrum about how #2 is a lying backstabber. However, the other Chanels believe #2 is trying to warn them. Hester proposes that they kill Chanel in her sleep. As they lie in wait, Chanel dreams that #2 visits her from beyond the grave. #2 is all:

They really missed an opportunity to say that line.

#2 admits that she was jealous of Chanel and apologizes. She also warns Chanel that the other Chanels are going to kill her. Chanel wants petty revenge, but #2 encourages Chanel to step up and be a good leader instead.

Meanwhile, Pete and Grace break into the crime scene and steal Feather’s toothbrush. The lab confirms that the DNA on the toothbrush matches the DNA on the sandwich — Feather is the killer! “If only she had a bigger appetite, she might have gotten away with it!” says the police officer.

Dean Munsch shows up to gloat about Feather’s arrest and how clearly Feather was also the Red Devil so now they can all relax. Grace points out that Feather isn’t connected to the Kappa Baby at all and doesn’t have a motive to kill any of the new Kappa pledges, but the police are pretty happy to take the motive at face value. My God, they are really useless and not in a fun Denise Hemphill way.

Dean Munsch prepares to leave, but Grace reminds her about the other side of the bargain. Dean Munsch says she will tell Grace everything…next week.

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“Hey, we gotta keep the viewers coming! You know everyone’s tuned into American Horror Story instead of this crap!”

Chanel confronts her minions about their murder plot and berates their stupid plan to poison her with rat poison. “Not only would I have thrown it back up, but it would have made me skinnier!” she brags. Wait, wasn’t Chanel the one who made a big speech about rejecting beauty standards in a faux-feminist stance? Anyway, Chanel tells the others that they are going to prove who the killers are, and Chanel’s number one suspects are Grace and Zayday.

Meanwhile, Dean Munsch prances in her house and thinks about how she got away with framing Feather for her ex’s murder. Damn. Jamie Lee Curtis is on the wrong show; she should see if she can hop over to ABC and help Annalise Keating out.

 

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Susan Velazquez

Susan is a recent college grad and writer who enjoys all things from the 1980s, snarking on dumb television, and reveling in celebrity gossip. Oh, and she has serious interests like reading historical fiction, getting involved in social issues, and consuming French fries.

TV Show: Scream Queens

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